To be annoyed that my employer won’t let me go part time?

[Topoftheroof]

I currently work full time 5 days a week. I made a flexible working request to go part time to 2 days a week because of personal circumstances (family circumstances) but it was declined. I’m annoyed though because there are other people (2 other people) working in the company only 2 days a week so it’s not unheard of. But they won’t consider it because I’m a head of department (not in a school and nothing to do with education or academics) and they also won’t give me another role in the company either which can be 2 days a week. I feel like I could cry with stress, I can’t afford to not work at all but can’t work 5 days a week at the moment either due to circumstances. I explained on my request that part time 2 days a week might not be permanent but they still declined the request. Both my boss and the managing director are always moaning that they “dread the day” I leave because “there’s no one in the business as good as” me so it’s baffling to me that they wouldn’t approve the 2 days a week knowing that I can’t work full time 5 days a week at the moment but then at the same time always say that they don’t want me to leave the company and would do anything to stop me leaving. I haven’t decided if I should appeal it yet or not, I don’t know what to do. I’m just really upset and have been crying about it because I can’t afford not to work at all and can’t do full time at the moment either. I’m also very annoyed with my employer too for rejecting the request. AIBU to be annoyed with my employer about this?

Why is nursery an option (you said one child was in nursery) but not a nanny?

I keep thinking about this suggestion since I first read it a couple of days ago and I think it might be the only solution/best solution. I’m just not sure I like the thought of being freelance and not staff but I do think this is the only solution? It’s just the thought of being freelance that worries me a little

I think I’m going to suggest this to the MD and see what he says. Thank you so much @ImAPreMadonna for this suggestion, I would never have thought of this if you hadn’t suggested it so thank you so much. I’m going to sleep on it again and have a think about suggesting it to the MD

That’s what worries me, if I go freelance as their Head of Production 2 days a week and then for example after a year they don’t want me anymore or something. But I don’t know what else I can do?

You keep saying ‘that’s not what I meant’ - but that will be what your employer ‘heard’.

You've got unrealistic expectations and sound like you're very stressed. Ask to go down to 4 days. However, you will be doing 5 days work in 4 days and will lose a fifth of your salary. Given that you've said, you could get your work done in 2 days, this should work. It will give you a bit of leeway. Choose a Monday to take off.

Work is about getting the work done, not making your life easier. That's how organisations work. If you can't manage your life with work in it, you will have to leave. That might not be a bad thing. Have a break and start again. However, looking for work is time-consuming and you might have to make compromises. To make your life work in your current role, drop some responsibilities in your private life if that's possible or perform them mediocrally. Sometimes, we have difficult spells to get through and as Churchill said, "when in hell, just keep going". Get good sleep and take breaks to rejuvenate.

@Topoftheroof didn't read everything, but it looks like you are going round in circles.

Have you considered working say 9-3 or similar corresponding with school hours. Then it would be nursery/ child minder for the younger ones.

Also speak to the social workers for the children in regards to costs. They prefer kinship because it doesn't cost them anything, but there may be funds you can acess. Maybe they could even arrange some kind of paid leave for a few months when the baby arrives (thinking of parental leave)
I know it's difficult when children that young are involved, but don't leave yourself vulnerable in regards to income & career.

OP, if my "head of X" quit and offered to take the role part time freelance, I'd still be saying no. Its so unlikely to be a workable option for them. Your bosses thought you were great before all this started, that doesn't mean they still think that (and may be embarrassed to say so as what you are doing is admirable).
As PP have pointed out you either need a full time nanny, to find a more basic job on 20 hours, or not take on baby number 4. You have some truly difficult decisions to make.

From a social work perspective, if your work are making it impossible for you to be able to take on the fourth child as a kinship carer ( you said kinship foster but I’m guessing you meant kinship and it’s your own family because the two are different foster carers aren’t related) you need to be clear with the social worker that although you are prepared to take the child work have made it impossible and you cannot afford to in the current circumstances. Social worker should be jumping through hoops to make sure you can take the child ie organising taxis to take them to school, out of school care, support services. Kinship care costs much less than foster care and is always promoted for family connections. Are you in Scotland or England? The social work dept need to make necessary arrangements for you to have the child even if it means paying other expenses outside of your kinship care allowance. If they don’t and you are unable to take them due to this and a sherriff found out as part of a child protection order or hearing they would be in hot water. See if there is a kinship care support service near you who can help you advocate for your rights and for the children’s rights.

This. Or even if they do say yes, it'll be so much easier for them to ditch you and hire a full-time HoP which is what they want and there are plenty of good ones looking for work. Going freelance while raising 4 DC is incredibly precarious, given that you previously dismissed the idea of giving up work to focus on the DC yet that is effectively what you'd be doing. Plus TV freelancers often have to work harder/longer hours to hustle and prove their worth without the protections of a secure role. I really wouldn't go this route unless you're happy to risk losing the role completely.

I’m wondering how you manage to work at all whilst fostering four children from traumatic backgrounds.

Yep. It’s definitely risky but it might open negotiations.

With 25 years telly production under my belt, I’m very up to date with the current bin fire that is the television industry. You’re not in a strong position - they hold all the cards and you might need to take risks / leaps into the unknown but you have limited choices.

Just to add - I don’t think you should suggest freelance HOP. I think you should discuss a freelance ‘Director of Production’ type title - see my previous post.

I guess it is a way to reopen negotiations but I'd be wary of how that could go. Doubt they need someone to mentor, train and direct on a very part-time basis as opposed to someone who takes responsibility for the department day-to-day. Sounds like asking for a promotion to strategic level, which was never on the table and is another way of pointing out that OP's needs are incompatible with the company needs. The four or three day a week option at least keeps negotiations within the realm of her doing the job that they need doing, while staying securely employed, although I doubt they'll go for that either.

I was careful with how I put it across to them

A nanny isn’t an option unfortunately

You still won’t say why a nanny isnt an option though.

I know you keep saying it’s complicated but from your employers perspective it’s actually very simple. They won’t accept less than full time
hours.

So you either don’t take the child, or take the child but lose your job.

I'm assuming if your employer agrees to you working 2 days a week, you would only expect 2/5 if your current salary? If you can do you job in 2 days a week, what are you currently doing on the other 3 days?

A previous poster asked. I wasn’t asking them to still pay for me for 5 days if they agreed to 2 days a week. I knew that my salary would reduce if they agreed to it.

Entitlement is ruining this country.

I know others who work/ed in your industry, both freelance. One has moved out of the sector because of the lack of security. Your desire to help these children is laudable but it will have a significant impact on your life. You may be willing to pay the price but your employer may not. Taking on an additional fostering role is purely your choice and I don't think you can expect your employer to agree to new working arrangements to fit in with demamds of your new home life.

An employer has the right to reject a flexible working request if they feel it doesn’t meet the needs of the service! It’s immaterial if you think it can be done in two days!

Surely less expensive than losing 3/5 of current salary and/or job

Probably less expensive than losing her job.