To be annoyed that my employer won’t let me go part time?

[Topoftheroof]

I currently work full time 5 days a week. I made a flexible working request to go part time to 2 days a week because of personal circumstances (family circumstances) but it was declined. I’m annoyed though because there are other people (2 other people) working in the company only 2 days a week so it’s not unheard of. But they won’t consider it because I’m a head of department (not in a school and nothing to do with education or academics) and they also won’t give me another role in the company either which can be 2 days a week. I feel like I could cry with stress, I can’t afford to not work at all but can’t work 5 days a week at the moment either due to circumstances. I explained on my request that part time 2 days a week might not be permanent but they still declined the request. Both my boss and the managing director are always moaning that they “dread the day” I leave because “there’s no one in the business as good as” me so it’s baffling to me that they wouldn’t approve the 2 days a week knowing that I can’t work full time 5 days a week at the moment but then at the same time always say that they don’t want me to leave the company and would do anything to stop me leaving. I haven’t decided if I should appeal it yet or not, I don’t know what to do. I’m just really upset and have been crying about it because I can’t afford not to work at all and can’t do full time at the moment either. I’m also very annoyed with my employer too for rejecting the request. AIBU to be annoyed with my employer about this?

So you’ve told them you can do your current role in 2 day
be prepared for an increase in your workload as you have 3 days a week spare

Yes you're being unfair.
Other people doing 2 days a week means nothing and may actually mean they can't accomodate you aswell. Companies can't function with everyone picking there own days and hours.
Why are they paying you for 5 days anyway if you only have enough work to warrant 2?

I understand there are no easy solutions to this but I will have to find a solution somehow that works for both me and my employer.

Work from home wouldn’t work unfortunately so that’s not an option either.

Maybe a new employer?

in the nicest possible way, do you have children of your own? Are you aware of countless families around the country making this difficult decision everyday of having to choose raising 4 small kids vs work or elves existing work.

i am altruistic myself having adopted a 2 yo in my 20s, and would love to step in to raise those angels that you are raising, but even I would know, ultimately, it may come down to me taking in more kids or leaving the job market fully or finding another employer.

if you try, as hard as it is, to remove emotions from this, you might just be able to salvage this. However, at the moment, I struggle to see how you can manage to change your employer’s mind or make them find another solution which you feel suits you. Yup, like another person said, if o was your employer, I would also say no. Sorry,

I know you said they used to say: how will they manage without you. Or such. Sorry to break it to you, what employers say today to suit the situation is rarely what they will consider when it comes to it. Again, remove emotions. Remove feelings of betrayal; and present an objective alternative, if you can, and see. Good luck.

What I said. In so many words. Many pp making that decision daily. So nothing new for the employer to deal with.

I know I might have to decide between that but it’s really not that simple and that’s why I was trying to find another solution because work won’t agree to do 2 days a week.

But you wouldn’t need to work if you can do the job in 2 days in the office?

Do 2 days in the office and 3 WFH with nothing to do. You might find they agree to PT then!

I think you could be right unfortunately but I just really want to find another solution instead.

I’ve answered this at least 5 times earlier in the thread, sorry.

I know you said a nanny was t an option because of the children’s trauma, but I think this is your only option really. The right nanny would be an asset and another safe person for the children to bond with.

I did also try to get them to agree to a trial period of working 2 days a week but they wouldn’t even agree to a trial period.

A nanny just isn’t an option unfortunately.

But why? Have SS said you can’t use one?

That's management for you

I don't mean to be hard OP but you seem to find it difficult to appreciate your employer's position - that doing a full time job in 2 days is impossible and that handing over 3 days of your role to colleagues is unacceptable? I may have misread your responses but I'm not alone judging by comments from other posters.

So how on earth will this seemingly rigid mindset work with 4 children - all of them traumatised to some extent because of their experiences that will no doubt be behaviourally played out in the future. You're going to need insight, empathy and an understanding of their needs and what their behaviour is telling you as a parent. The ability to stand back and listen, empathise, understand?

You must be exhausted as it is working full time with 3 children and (to me at least) this is perhaps why you're unable to engage with suggestions, just repeating the same demands that you need to turn your 5 day a week role into 2 days.

Do you have any support in real life - with the children or just someone to speak to?

Sounds like some gardening leave might be more appropriate than changing your hours, take a 1-2 month break, allow someone to be temporarily seconded into your role as a development opportunity and then come back refreshed.

Children with trauma often end up with more substantial behavioural and school issues as they get older. Age 7/8 is a common time for serious issues to emerge.

How long are you likely to have all of these children? Are drugs and alcohol from parents a likely issue, or mental health/ND issues? 4 typical children for a single parent would be hard enough, but add on trauma and any other possible issues common in fostered children (e.g. FASD, autism, ADHD etc) and I'm not sure how this would work longer term.

I'm working 2 days a week with two ASN kids and barely keeping my head above water as a single parent. At school age the number of meetings is substantial just for a start. Under foster care you'll have way more to juggle.

Have you considered self-employment?

You have an expectation that your employer can and should make adjustments to its business to accommodate the fact you're taking on fourth child when you already stretched with the three you are fostering. I think you are being unrealistic. Two days a week as head of a department in a fast-moving industry is a unicorn job, they simply don't exist. You must've known this when you agreed to foster a baby.

If you can do your job in two days I would be wondering why I am paying you for five....

That’s not what I meant.