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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that my employer won’t let me go part time?

491 replies

Topoftheroof · 10/09/2025 20:09

I currently work full time 5 days a week. I made a flexible working request to go part time to 2 days a week because of personal circumstances (family circumstances) but it was declined. I’m annoyed though because there are other people (2 other people) working in the company only 2 days a week so it’s not unheard of. But they won’t consider it because I’m a head of department (not in a school and nothing to do with education or academics) and they also won’t give me another role in the company either which can be 2 days a week. I feel like I could cry with stress, I can’t afford to not work at all but can’t work 5 days a week at the moment either due to circumstances. I explained on my request that part time 2 days a week might not be permanent but they still declined the request. Both my boss and the managing director are always moaning that they “dread the day” I leave because “there’s no one in the business as good as” me so it’s baffling to me that they wouldn’t approve the 2 days a week knowing that I can’t work full time 5 days a week at the moment but then at the same time always say that they don’t want me to leave the company and would do anything to stop me leaving. I haven’t decided if I should appeal it yet or not, I don’t know what to do. I’m just really upset and have been crying about it because I can’t afford not to work at all and can’t do full time at the moment either. I’m also very annoyed with my employer too for rejecting the request. AIBU to be annoyed with my employer about this?

OP posts:
anon666 · 11/09/2025 19:02

I worked for a horrendous woman who insisted I go full time, out of some kind of autocratic spite because she hated women with children.

I had only ever been 4 days per week. I had applied for the job 5 years prior and negotiated the 4 days from the outset.

I could have taken it via union/lawyers, but its really not my style, so instead I just applied for another internal job and handed in my notice.

As I was working my notice period, they started to realise how much I got done in 4 days and the panic mounted.

They ended up having to split my job into about 4 different new roles, all of which were difficult to fill. The most difficult of the 4 roles, managing the finance team, was an absolute car crash. One after anotger person went into the role and either left or went off sick with stress, then left.

The easiest of the jobs was essentially a "knowledge and expertise" job, that moved teams, paid the same as my old job, for at most 30% of what I used to do. The new department offered me that job on my old salary, on 3 days per week. 🤣🤣

I luxuriated in working for a nicer team, on almost as much money, doing much less work, with less stress.

I'd be tempted to do exactly what you've suggested. Apply for other internal roles!! Someone will be more than happy to give you a better deal.

Instinct1 · 11/09/2025 19:08

If you're not saying your 5 day job can be done in 2, are you suggesting they just give 3 days of your work to others who already have their own workloads? Does that include your line management responsibilities? Are your team only to have a manger 2 days out of 5? I don't think I'd feel comfortable abandoning my team 60% of the week.

toomuchfaff · 11/09/2025 19:10

Topoftheroof · 10/09/2025 20:14

I also believe that my current job can be done in 2 days a week and I made this point to them but they still rejected my flexible working request.

careful... if it can be done in 2, why would they pay you for 5?

Have you thought iof suggesting Job share?

grumpygrape · 11/09/2025 19:11

Topoftheroof · 11/09/2025 18:35

Sorry I wasn’t ignoring your comments I promise. I am going to sit down tonight when they are in bed and look at your suggestions and try and work everything out properly and then reply to your comments/suggestions as well as seeing what I can suggest to my MD. I wasn’t ignoring your comments I promise, sorry

Oh dear heavens, OP, I fully understand you feel the ‘top’ 40% of your job needs you to do it but you have given your employers suggestions how to redistribute the 60%.

I understand your frustration that they say they ‘dread the day’ you would leave but don’t seem to grasp that day could be sooner if they can’t work with you to find a resolution for the next 3 (?) years.

I also understand you would need/want to have a ‘foot in the door’ employment option and income despite the Fostering income I presume you are in receipt of. Whether you gain SGOs for the children or not I expect you feel the need to still have a working career beyond the children. Your commitment to them is incredible but not the visceral one which overrides the rest of your life.

I was coming on to make sure you have checked all options here https://kinship.org.uk/support-and-advice/advice-and-information/time-off-work-for-kinship-carers/

Freelance, as others have suggested, might be an option. I can see you are considering ImAPreMadonna’s suggestions.

I sincerely wish you the all the best; Kinship Fostering and SG are incredible undertakings but you continuing to have a professional life will only enhance the children’s lives and understanding of the world.

PS. Ignore all the posters who haven't got a clue.

Time off work for kinship carers

Advice on employment rights for kinship carers who need time off work, including flexible working, time for dependants and parental leave.

https://kinship.org.uk/support-and-advice/advice-and-information/time-off-work-for-kinship-carers/

Ilitetallycantrememberanythinganymore · 11/09/2025 19:14

I can see why your employer won't agree to two days. A senior member of the team needs to be around for more than two days. Your circumstances sound really tough but that really isn't your employer's problem. They have a duty of care to keep you safe at work. Your home life is nothing to do with your employer. They may agree to three or 3.5 days but two days is rarely workable. Good luck OP.

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 11/09/2025 19:15

Topoftheroof · 11/09/2025 13:23

Head of production.

There was another role (albeit a demotion) in the company that they also could have offered me but they declined that too.

Can you afford a nanny?

Topoftheroof · 11/09/2025 19:23

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 11/09/2025 19:15

Can you afford a nanny?

A nanny wouldn’t work unfortunately.

OP posts:
2021mumma · 11/09/2025 19:24

You mention in one of your first posts they said they couldn’t live without you- if this is the case then call their bluff and quit then see their response

Topoftheroof · 11/09/2025 19:25

toomuchfaff · 11/09/2025 19:10

careful... if it can be done in 2, why would they pay you for 5?

Have you thought iof suggesting Job share?

That’s not what I’m trying to say.

And yes I suggested a job share but they declined that too. Although I’m going to have a proper look later at the freelance job share idea suggested by @ImAPreMadonna and consider if that would work or not and if I should suggest it to the MD.

OP posts:
Topoftheroof · 11/09/2025 19:32

Also I think a poster asked before but I’m not sure if I answered. I’m staff (in-house) not freelance at the moment.

OP posts:
Christmasnewyear · 11/09/2025 19:35

@Topoftheroof very kindly. I have not read the whole thread. Tried reading your posts.

I have just been involved in getting a message to someone, who, despite assistance given, is just thinking about her side.

-i am not clear if your request to go 2 days was accompanied by a request for less pay.
-i don’t think it read well, repeatedly telling everyone/er you can do your 5 day week in 2 days.
-I note you asked for a demotion- this shows you should be open to finding your 2 day job from a new employer.
-most importantly, you do not really say anything why you believe they are refusing- this is key.
-compare your thinking to their reasons in the rejection letter, and you will be closer to identifying your next steps.

  • I understand the challenges involved with fostering including a 6 week old. We took in a 3 week old who is a double orphan. I subsequently adopted her in my early 20s. I also care for an adult relative needing 6 to so weeks at least once a year away from work.
  • however, unless you believe your employer is being difficult for no reason, I believe for the 12 months, it is YOU and not them that should ‘manage’ the new situation. This is why I asked about pay. What stood out was that as you see senior, your pay should cover a live in nanny or whatever help you need for a year. Have you thought of this?
  • as I said, you gave said a lot, but given away little. But thought to add my 2pw.
  • yes, I agree that those other 2 day workers not at your level etc, are not comparable. They are actually irrelevant. You seem to place huge value on this, which is why you are surprised by your employer.
  • good luck. Think it through and I am sure you will work something out.
Lemonyyy · 11/09/2025 19:36

I recently dropped half a day, I am not a “head of” anything and I still had to make a case for how the work was going to be covered and how I wasn’t going to be passing on an extra burden to my colleagues because of it. Dropping 3 days straight off is pretty unheard of I think!

emziecy · 11/09/2025 19:36

Sorry but this feels like a massive drip feed. I can't believe you think it's reasonable to expect your employers to accept your rationale of 'I can do 5 days work in 2'. Seriously?

Jorge14 · 11/09/2025 19:38

I would ask for a meeting with your manager to see if a compromise can be made

MaggieBsBoat · 11/09/2025 19:39

I think you need to tell them clearly that your role is a two day a week role. That you are overpaid and underemployed. Hit them from the money angle and they’ll cave. No one wants to be paying someone for 5 days unnecessarily.

AirborneElephant · 11/09/2025 19:40

emziecy · 11/09/2025 19:36

Sorry but this feels like a massive drip feed. I can't believe you think it's reasonable to expect your employers to accept your rationale of 'I can do 5 days work in 2'. Seriously?

Yeah, and every half way sensible suggestion is met with a “that won’t work” with no explanation. I call bullshit.

Millenialmumoftwo · 11/09/2025 19:41

There must be some kind of legislation for time off for foster or kinship care I would look into that

MaggieBsBoat · 11/09/2025 19:41

Off topic but what the heck is a double orphan?? @Christmasnewyear

Imisssleep2 · 11/09/2025 19:43

If you are head off a department then that's a full time role in my eyes personally. Could you increase it to 3 or 3.5 days and see if that's better for them, with a view to review in x amount of months

Rachie1973 · 11/09/2025 19:51

Are you not getting fostering allowance? It’s generally quite lucrative.

Topoftheroof · 11/09/2025 19:57

I will keep on looking at other roles too but I can’t find any suitable at the moment.

OP posts:
Topoftheroof · 11/09/2025 19:58

Greensmurf1 · 11/09/2025 19:54

Have you spoken with any film/tv/media industry charity or union organisations? Here are a few that may help:

https://filmtvcharity.org.uk/get-support/

https://bectu.org.uk/article/requesting-flexible-working/

https://nabs.org.uk/advice/working-parents/

Thank you. I know about 2 of these organisations but there is 1 that I didn’t know about so I’ll look at it now. Thank you

OP posts:
Hotflushesandchilblains · 11/09/2025 20:02

To be honest I am not in favour of managers who work part time, unless it is a job share. In my experience, it just causes lots of difficulties. It is a problem with days for you, or hours? Could you do 5 shorter days? Is there any possibility of job sharing? I am sorry, it does seem like they are playing hardball.

Cymraes24 · 11/09/2025 20:05

Haven't read the full thread so don't know if it's already been suggested but you could be entitled to statutory adoption leave with similar terms as maternity leave.
https://www.gov.uk/employers-adoption-pay-leave

Statutory Adoption Pay and Leave: employer guide

Employer guide to Statutory Adoption Pay and Leave - entitlement, eligibility, notice period, proof of adoption, recover statutory pay

https://www.gov.uk/employers-adoption-pay-leave