To be annoyed that my employer won’t let me go part time?

[Topoftheroof]

I currently work full time 5 days a week. I made a flexible working request to go part time to 2 days a week because of personal circumstances (family circumstances) but it was declined. I’m annoyed though because there are other people (2 other people) working in the company only 2 days a week so it’s not unheard of. But they won’t consider it because I’m a head of department (not in a school and nothing to do with education or academics) and they also won’t give me another role in the company either which can be 2 days a week. I feel like I could cry with stress, I can’t afford to not work at all but can’t work 5 days a week at the moment either due to circumstances. I explained on my request that part time 2 days a week might not be permanent but they still declined the request. Both my boss and the managing director are always moaning that they “dread the day” I leave because “there’s no one in the business as good as” me so it’s baffling to me that they wouldn’t approve the 2 days a week knowing that I can’t work full time 5 days a week at the moment but then at the same time always say that they don’t want me to leave the company and would do anything to stop me leaving. I haven’t decided if I should appeal it yet or not, I don’t know what to do. I’m just really upset and have been crying about it because I can’t afford not to work at all and can’t do full time at the moment either. I’m also very annoyed with my employer too for rejecting the request. AIBU to be annoyed with my employer about this?

I think I’m going to ask them for a meeting about 3 days a week maybe but I don’t know if they’ll agree to 3 days a week or not. I also don’t know if I can make 3 days a week work or not either yet.

I don’t have any biological children no. The foster children are not all siblings either.

Put it this way, you currently are providing a stable home to three children and you are able to fit this around your career and everything is working well.

Add a 6 month old into the mix and it becomes impossible for you to maintain your job, sacrificing your future career options. Your stress levels increase. You lack a support network it seems and potentially sacrifice your mental health. You need to think about the impact of all of these things upon the existing children in your care.

Other people's bad situations (the biological mothers') do not have to become your emergency to solve.

Have some boundaries.

I understand the posters who are saying not to work at all but that’s not an option unfortunately because I can’t afford to not work at all.

This might sound harsh, but the thing that you "can't afford" to do is take on the care of a 6 month old, on top of the children you already have,

Your employer is not obliged to provide whatever working hours you think you can accept at any given time. You have a right to request FW and your employer can say no for a range of reasons. Declining a flexible working request where there is a clear detriment to the business is not inherently unfair.

i think more people are saying don’t take on a 6 month old. Not many mothers of 6 month olds work as they’d be on full time leave. You can’t do it with the ones you’ve got. I know you want to be there for the kids but you really can’t do it.

I’ve now asked them for a meeting about 3 days a week but I’m not sure what they will say. Even if they do agree, I still need to make sure that I can make 3 days a week work as well.

I tried this but my employer refused.

If the children are not siblings why are you taking on more and more when it impacts your work? Just don't take on a 4th child

It’s not that simple though.

Can you find a childcare option that enables you to do your job?

It kinda is

Weekend work

It is. It’s not a problem of your making and if anyone dares criticise you for it they are 100% in the wrong. If they are a member of the wider family, then they should step up and take the baby in. If it’s the baby’s parent criticising you, maybe don’t have a child when you’re not capable of caring for one. And if it’s social workers or “friends” they can fuck off. You will not be able to care for them all and they will all suffer.

To be honest it sounds like someone has imploded your entire life. Your own wants or needs to have a child, your finances, your career.
You're not giving us the reasons so we can't fully understand but there really isn't a lot of people in this world who would take on this huge burden.

Weekend work wouldn’t work either.

I can only understand it if it's kinship for nieces/nephews who are siblings. Any other scenario I don't think you should be doing it in complete detriment to your own wellbeing

It is. You just say no, sorry, I am unable to foster a 4th child as I need to work full time to keep a roof over my head and support the 3 other foster children I have.

Maybe your employer is completely unsympathetic because you are doing this to yourself by taking on a 4th(!) foster child as a single working woman rather than it being unfortunate circumstances like health

I have only one child and I went back to work 3 days a week when she was just six months old. It was very hard even with only one child - I was working completely sleep deprived and often feeling ill because of lack of sleep much of the time, and my job wasn't even a particularly difficult one, and I had a partner to help.

You can't expect to do a full time managerial role in 2 days a week, when you have 4 children at home (probably high needs developmentally-traumatised children at that, given they are in foster care) with one of them being a baby, and with no other support!

This isn't an employer problem, its a social problem. 3 days a week won't help you. You need to advocate for the children you do have and say no, this situation won't work with a 6 month old added to the mix.

@Topoftheroof you are clearly a very compassionate person to take on kinship care of four children. Are you not receiving the foster care allowances for the children - you should be eligible in the same way as for unrelated fosterers and for 4 children should equate to a decent income?
But as far as your job is concerned - the entitlement is for you to ask, not for the employer to agree. If they have considered it, declined and can justify their decision on the basis of business needs that's not unreasonable even if you don't agree with it.
I totally see that you don't want to sacrifice your career because of your commitment to fostering. Realistically though it's hard to see how you're going to get everything you would ideally want in these circumstances as a single parent of children who may well have extra challenges in the future because of their difficult starts in life. But all kudos to you for what you're doing.

I think 2 days a week isn't enough for head of department. Your supposed to oversee everything, how can you do that properly if you are there less than half the time?

I think the more realistic thing would be offering you a different role in the company but that would depend on availability and may involve different pay depending on what they have.

Other than that your options are to look elsewhere.

But I sympathise with the position you are in, you are being torn in two different directions. Whoever told women they can have it all lied.

Are you Head of Production or Head of Development? I mean, to be fair, both are very full on telly jobs and I’ve never know one of those roles in a 3 day week capacity, let alone 2 days. Head of Dev might be a slightly easier ask.

It’s really tough - telly is notorious for being less than accommodating to parents / women with children. Throw in the dire state of current affairs (no pun intended) and the lack of unionisation and yeah… well… ‘you’re fucked’ wouldn’t be out of place.

Just two days for either role would require some serious heavy lifting from your colleagues but I am surprised they won’t consider job-sharing. I’ve definitely employed people on this basis in editorial (especially edit producers). Have you contacted Share My Telly Job to see if they’ve some pointers on how to get the company to change their mind?

Oh OP, I feel for you.

I really mean this gently but I would be very careful about setting your career on fire to take on more children here. Particularly in your industry which is not in a great place. You’ve done amazingly to get to where you are, I wouldn’t give that up lightly.

Putting that aside, I’ve never seen a head of department type role on a 2 day week, the lowest I’ve seen on 4. Super hard to make work without creating problems for your boss 3 days a week.

Have you suddenly found yourself responsible for a child / children? Like a kinship care situation.