I pay for everything- need opinions please

[justagirloct]

I don't know what to do anymore, I have been with my partner for 5 years, prior to this I was living alone with my eldest 2 children. He moved in within a year but has never paid or contributed to any bills or household costs. I am self employed and work very hard, he was employed in a full time job when we met but he hated and worked long hours- he left a couple of years ago to persue a self employed career with my backing, I bought the equipment and even helped with jobs. This has now been 2 years but he isn't showing any drive or ambition whilst I am continuing to pay for everything, taking on more and more work to cover costs-on my days off I like to have family days or days out again which I have to pay for, I wouldn't mind but he never seems grateful or even like he really wants to be there.

He has recently taken an ad hoc job but it's very irregular and so far any money made has not contributed to anything other than spending money for himself. We have also gone on to have a child who is 18 months old so I also provide everything for him. I am so tired of this situation and question if he stays for the wrong reasons. He is a good man, he does jobs round the house but with all financial pressure and 3 children to support (I also do all the life admin of schools, doctors, clubs etc) I really am at breaking point and it's making me question if I love him anymore down to what feels like complete lack of respect. When I try to talk to him he appears to listen but does nothing to change. It's making me extremely down as it feels very one sided and he doesn't care about my wellbeing at all.

I desperately don't want to bring up my youngest son alone and want to make it work but resentment is building, most of the time he doesn't even seem to like me and to be honest I can see why as I've become more distant and snappy as I just never thought I'd put myself in this position.

I also recently downgraded the tv package to just basic (with Netflix and prime) but got rid of the extras and sport to save money. It's a daily demand now that we need to get the others back- something me or the kids aren't bothered about. I have said I'm not paying for it as I have plenty of other things that take priority but he's getting increasingly annoyed about it. I don't want to cause conflict but not do I want to have football on all the time that I have to pay for 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Can anyone offer any advice? I really don't know what to do anymore.

You had a child with a cocklodger

what happens when you tell him he needs to contribute more?

no helpful advice, other than I’d have kicked him out a long time ago

He's a cocklodger, kick him out,things won't improve

He contributes nothing but makes daily demands to reinstate the expensive TV package- he’s hardly a catch. What is he bringing to the relationship?

Do you really have to ask??

Oh just get rid of the leech. No, he CANT have football on all the time. Has he ever grown up? He sounds like a teenage boy not a grown man. It doesn't sound as though you're married 😔

He’s a cocklodger and will bleed you dry if you let him. Time to get him out. Are you married? If not just tell him to leave. I really hope you’re not.

Sorry, if you have spoken to him and he doesn't change, then you need to accept he will never change.

You can clearly afford to live by yourself, and you are able to do everything by yourself as you already are, so free yourself from a life of resentment and tell him to leave.

Thank god you are not married.

Sorry but things aren't going to change. Why haven't you asked him to contribute sooner? He should have been paying towards the bills. Does he even support the child he has with you?
I think you would be better without him as he is just an additional burden rather than a partner.

You are a mug. What does he bring to your life?

Time to grow a shiny new backbone. Kick him to the kerb. He contributes nothing, you won’t notice a difference.

Put to bed all hesitations and start by telling him that he has 3moths to move out. And be brutally honest why- you don’t love him, he contributes nothing and you are sick of feeling resentful of having a scrounger sponge off of you.

You can pay for odd diy jobs, his contribution here is not enough.

He's a lazy dick and you're a mug.

YABU for being such a mug and tolerating this bullshit for so long.

There is no bigger turn-off than a sponger. Before he moved in I would have said. Right, so let’s say £750 towards mortgage, £250 towards bills and food and we’ll both pay individually for our cars, phones, clothes and social life yeah?

What a loser he sounds. I’d have got the measure of him him in the first three months.

3 months! Tenants usually only have a month.

You’re being a mug. He wants to have his cake & eat it.

How embarrassing.

Sorry but you are a door mat. Time to pull it from under your feet and kick him to the kerb

Doing jobs round the house is the only good thing you have said about him. This does not make him a 'good man'.

You have also said that he doesn't contribute, doesn't appear to want to spend time with you, doesn't respect you, doesn't have any ambition or drive, moans about the level of netflix YOU are buying and does not offer to pay for the upgrade. Jeez, what are you getting from this relationship?

I made the mistake of desperately clinging onto my marriage for years when I should have let it go. My ex was similar. He gave up his job, went self employed and earned very little. He did contribute towards food and bills but only when he could afford it. I paid the mortgage, most of the bills and everything for DS. I worked full time and studied. I did all the life admin and most of the housework still fell to me while he worked the hours he wanted, doing what he wanted for little reward. My respect for him dwindled and we spent years falling out and then reconciling.

Don't be me.

He’s not a good man.

The money you’re using to support him and his fecklessness is money you are taking away from your kids. And you had a baby with him 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You'll have to bring the baby up alone even if you don’t want to because you know you need to ditch the loser and you won’t get a penny in child support. You’ve also saddled a child with a useless dad.

Why on earth did you have a child with someone who has never contributed? Of course he wants the good tv package, that's what he does all day while you are working to fund his lifestyle. Seriously OP, raise your standards.

He’s a useless freeloading cocklodger who saw you coming and is taking food out of your child’s mouth.

Every penny you use to bankroll this useless lazy fucker is a penny less you have for your DC. How is being a single parent worse than being leeched off?

Why on earth would you want to make if work? He’s not a good man, he’s a piss taking feckless cunt who sees you as his cashpoint - show your kids that a woman doesn’t accept that sort of shit and kick his arse out. No good man treats his partner like this.

He’s lazy, he doesn’t respect you, he’s a cocklodger.
He’s onto a nice little number with you- you do all the work, pay for everything, organize everything plus with free sex on tap.
A few “little jobs” about the house? Him putting the bins out doesn’t make him a good man.

Time he found some where else to go and sponge.

Get rid, he saw u as an easy ride.

PLEASE say you haven't married him.

Cocklodger.

Tell him you can't afford to keep him and he either transfers you a chunk of money today and then regularly after that or he'll have to move out.

If he refuses then tell him to leave by the weekend.

You can't pussyfoot around these men. He'll treat you like you allow it.