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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to keep our BTL

632 replies

Nosdoc · 10/09/2025 13:50

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 10/09/2025 15:39

I love that the OP and her husband own multiple BTL properties, her husband is a higher rate tax payer (high enough to be diverting funds) and people are quibbling about who pays for the weekly shop 🤣🤣.

@Nosdoc what's the proposed replacement for your income? Him saying his decision is final suggests you have little say in how family finance is organised, so how vulnerable does it leave you?
Is he trying to get you back into work or is he just focused on his plan with no regard or discussion around how you can remain at home?

The conversation around what happens next seems quite one-sided given you're a unit.

ShesTheAlbatross · 10/09/2025 15:39

Nosdoc · 10/09/2025 14:06

I tried before and I couldn’t manage it properly. It’s a large HMO and it constantly requires work and day to day management. We have non HMO BTL but these are in joint names, and any excess income isn’t spent.

Show quote history

It doesn’t seem unreasonable for him to be fed up of doing that on top of a (presumably?) full time job. It does seem unreasonable for you to say you can’t do it, but he must continue doing it.

babyproblems · 10/09/2025 15:40

Who bought the BTL and where did that money come from??? Is it jointly owned?? I think it’s reckless of you to use this as your only source of income tbh.

CoffeeCupOnBreak · 10/09/2025 15:40

Tbg it just seems to me he is fed up of the work around the BTL alomgside his work. If kids are at school OP should take that on. He would most likely then not want to sell or at least be open to discussion

nomas · 10/09/2025 15:41

Nosdoc · 10/09/2025 14:06

I tried before and I couldn’t manage it properly. It’s a large HMO and it constantly requires work and day to day management. We have non HMO BTL but these are in joint names, and any excess income isn’t spent.

Show quote history

That sounds like a lot of money each month. Have you saved any of it or do you spend it every month?

WindsurfingDreams · 10/09/2025 15:43

Is this a reverse?
he has to manage this alongside his full-time job because you can't but you don't work either ?

Sunholidays · 10/09/2025 15:44

I call reverse

AngelicKaty · 10/09/2025 15:47

babyproblems · 10/09/2025 15:40

Who bought the BTL and where did that money come from??? Is it jointly owned?? I think it’s reckless of you to use this as your only source of income tbh.

The answers to your questions are contained in all of OP's posts.

Welikebeingcosy · 10/09/2025 15:49

I think you're being unreasonable. You either figure out how to take on the managing of it whilst the kids are in school, or let him sell it and find yourself a job. You're not trapped though, because you have agency in what you do whilst your kids are at school.

MissRaspberry · 10/09/2025 15:50

Nosdoc · 10/09/2025 14:29

I don’t understand why this matters, it’s not babies that need their mother.… it shouldn’t but they are all in primary school.

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If they're all in primary school could you not find work around the school hours maybe? Then at least you're home for the kids when they finish school for the day

ScholesPanda · 10/09/2025 15:50

I think you're being clobbered unfairly here OP, people may think your set-up is odd or lazy but it is the set-up you have and that your husband has previously agreed to.

The questions then is why is he changing it now? I think there are two possible answers. One is that he no longer sees you as a partner in the marriage, and is starting to make decisions without or not very subtly pushing you to get a job. Either way you need to think what that means for you, and if the marriage is over, start getting your ducks on a row.

Otherwise he may be planning to replace the income somehow, maybe from his salary.

The only way to find out is by having a conversation with him and finding out what the plan is.

You do seem to suffer from a bit of learned helplessness though- lots of things you can't do, which seems to leave you a hostage to fortune and your DHs whims.

Bruisername · 10/09/2025 15:53

@ScholesPanda

what's changed could be that the youngest has started school and he’s questioning why he’s doing all the jobs when op has free time bow.

op isn’t given enough detail on how she spends the money/does she have a cleaner etc etc so it’s difficult to tell

but I think it’s clear he is finding full time work plus managing the hmo too much

JimPanzee · 10/09/2025 15:54

So you don't want to work? Fine, but you also don't want to do any work that is involved in managing the HMO? You don't want any of the income from it spent on improving/managing/repairing it? You just want the income straight to you? Do you pay tax on it?
🤔

YesImaman1100 · 10/09/2025 15:56

Nosdoc · 10/09/2025 14:29

I don’t understand why this matters, it’s not babies that need their mother.… it shouldn’t but they are all in primary school.

Show quote history

Hubby is pissed off at your 'financial freedom' at his cost. Get your lazy arse working for your freedom.

theemmadilemma · 10/09/2025 15:57

This has to be rage bait right?

ScholesPanda · 10/09/2025 15:57

@Bruisername you're quite possibly correct, but it doesn't change the fact that marriage is supposed to be a partnership and a change like this should be discussed, plans made jointly etc.

Also, legally if it's jointly owned he can't sell it without the OPs signature, so really he does need to have that conversation whether he likes it or not.

ThejoyofNC · 10/09/2025 15:58

You don't have financial freedom.

So he tried to make you earn your money by actually managing the property, but that was too much work and you just want the money without having to work for it. I'm not surprised he's selling it.

OldOrMaybeNotThatOld · 10/09/2025 15:58

Where does he propose you get the funds from to cover whatever it is that you currently use the money for? I’m assuming it’s not used for frivolous spending but rather family necessities?

Bruisername · 10/09/2025 16:00

ScholesPanda · 10/09/2025 15:57

@Bruisername you're quite possibly correct, but it doesn't change the fact that marriage is supposed to be a partnership and a change like this should be discussed, plans made jointly etc.

Also, legally if it's jointly owned he can't sell it without the OPs signature, so really he does need to have that conversation whether he likes it or not.

Oh agreed. The two of them need to sit and discuss where they are now and neither seem to want to do that!

just because they agreed she would be a sahm and he would manage hmo in the past doesn’t mean that stays status quo for ever

jacks11 · 10/09/2025 16:01

YABU

It was his before you married, so I think YABU- especially as you are doing nothing to help with the running but keeping most of the income. You tried to manage it before but failed- in what way? I think it’s time to make a decision- either knuckle down and get in and manage it (seek advice if you have to); or accept your DH wants to sell because he doesn’t want to carry on doing the work on the BTL and wants to pay off some of the mortgage to facilitate an earlier retirement. You can’t stamp your feet demand someone else to all the donkey work whilst you do none of it, but reap all the rewards and then gripe when they don’t want to do it anymore!

the property has been transferred to you for tax purposes, so I suspect you can legally block him from selling. However, if you were unable to manage it before then if it’s in your name and it all goes wrong because you have to take over as he will refuse to, then you’ll be the one dealing with the fall out of that. Is this a risk you are willing to take?

Honestly, you can work- you don’t want to. That’s fine, if both you and your DH are both on board with this plan. If he isn’t, you are going to have to make a plan you can both live with.

Or, if he is ok with you being a SAHM, but wants to do this for financial reasons and to reduce his workload, then you need to either take over the burden and help find ways to help reach his early retirement goal (reducing outgoings?), or accept this is the best way forward. Your dc are at school, you should be able to pick up some pt work at least, if you wanted to.

Redrosesposies · 10/09/2025 16:02

TheTwenties · 10/09/2025 14:01

The only way to legally divert most of the rental income generated to you is to own the property as tenants in common with an uneven split. If that’s the case DH can’t just sell the house without your permission. I suspect it’s been set up that way to avoid higher rate tax on DH’s 50% of the rental income if owned as joined tenants - wanting to have his cake and eat it in this case will backfire. There’s obviously more to this (why you aren’t working/access to other family money/DH being unwilling to discuss etc) but you can refuse to sell.

Not so. You can own it 50/50 but allocate all the income to one party for tax purposes.

FiveBarGate · 10/09/2025 16:02

So from his point of view the property requires a lot of time and effort to manage as well as presumably funds for maintenance etc.

Keeping hold of it means he can't reduce the term on your current mortgage and so he'll need to keep working longer to service that mortgage.

From yours it's fun money you don't want to lose and you only take out from the property, don't have to put anything in.

I can see why he wants out. It's a load of stress and he doesn't think the return is worth it (a conclusion many landlords have reached recently).

What is the yield on the property? I assume he's done the maths to decide this.

saraclara · 10/09/2025 16:02

AmyDuPlantier · 10/09/2025 14:18

So he pays all the bills and works and does all the management of owning this large HMO, and you just get the income?

No wonder he wants to sell it and you want to keep it!

And furthermore, it's a property that he owned before they were married!

Obviously it was a mistake for him to try to avoid the tax by putting it mostly in her name, but jeeze, talk about free money for OP! She put nothing into buying it, she does none of the work and the stress (and it seems that it's a bit of a money pit and a time consuming property) and now she's complaining that he wants to sell it and her free money stream will come to an end.

If this was an OP by a man, he'd be slaughtered on here.

BMW6 · 10/09/2025 16:03

Why on earth should you get the income when it was his property before he met you AND you don't do a bloody thing regarding its management?

Your kids are at school and you don't work.

Even if you do all the household chores you're taking the piss surely?

FioFioSILK · 10/09/2025 16:05

Similar situation as I could not work for a while so actively built a BTL business. I do manage it. Husband does the tenancy renewals but I do the rest. Hence the profit pays our own mortgage. The rest of the money I see as my disposable income. If mortgage rates rise I have less if rents rise I have more. I think it's now too late and I'm too old to get a job now despite having a PhD. I like the freedom I have but sometimes feel like I could do more. Sounds as if your DH feels burdened but also maybe worried about being the only earner and doing all the work apart from you being around for childcare, maybe he thought you'd work once kids all went to school. Don't leave it too long before finding a job or make property a proper living plenty of women do it.