To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

When you say you CAN'T work, what do you mean? How old are the children?

Sorry OP but I think you’re taking the piss.

your kids are school age but you’re not willing to try and get a job around school hours, and you “can’t” manage the property management of a house that your husband is managing alongside his high earning full time job? Plus presumably managing the property management of your other BTLs.

it sounds like you’re used to living an extremely privileged and cushty life funded entirely by your husband, with him paying all the bills, and giving you an entirely passive income to spend just on your own discretionary spending?

he’s well within his rights to want to reduce the effort of managing this property, pay off the mortgage and retire early. By the sounds of it, you need to start pulling your weight a bit more - and if you want some discretionary spending money of your own, then get a job to earn some yourself.

It looks like you trying to get pocket money for looking after your kids and the house (as the husband is working and paying all the bills).

As long as he agrees that he will help with housework if you get a job...I'm not sure he can be called unreasonable.

The op sounds pathetic

Just out of interest, why is the rental income not going on your mortgage? That would help pay it all back quicker and allow him to retire earlier that he wants.

The thing is for a lot of high earners is that they burn out - and having an additional job on top (the BTL management) is going to expedite that

you need to sit down and have a frank discussion about family finances and responsibilities and how you see your futures together. Because at the moment you’re not acting like a team.

or put into another way:
OP gets the bulk of the income so why isn't she doing any of the work relating to the property.

They're all at primary school. OP doesn't mean she "can't" work - of course she can, just like millions of mothers do - she just doesn't want to.

I think the potential sale of the HMO is a bit of a red herring but it is important in that it highlights you are not on the same page and are not having adult discussions about this. You need to sit down and talk financially:

There's no need for you to be a SAHM if your kids are at school. If you want to be and he wants you to be then fine but it has to be a joint decision. You need a certain amount of spending money. I would never not work as it puts you in a very precarious position should you break up, but that's up to you. Looking after a home with kids at full time school is not a full time job (children with additional needs excepted). No amount of dressing it up like this will convince me. The rest of us do full time jobs plus all of the above.

You also need to be paying into a pension. (I assume he is currently paying into one for you so that yours is as equally as healthy as his?)

If you go to work, your joint money covers after-school care.

You need to make joint decisions about your assets.

Then you need to take over that work and earn your income

In that case you can appoint a letting agent who will do all the management of the property for you in return for about 12% of the rent. They will organise repairs and compliance and take the money off your rental income.

You can do the taxes yourself. Your agent will give you an annual summary, you put the figures on your online tax return and it will tell you how much tax you pay. If you have no other income , you have your personal allowance to offset against your rental income. So if your rental income is £15,000 / year and your permitted costs are £5,000/ year, you won’t have to pay any income tax.

FFS with the posters bullying the OP for not being in paid employment.

The fact that some single parents work 5,000 hours a week while simultaneously keeping their home show-room clean, ferrying their children to three extra-curriculars every night, cooking every meal from scratch with vegetables from their allotment, and still finding time to volunteer at their local foodbank is completely irrelevant. There are no fucking medals for being either organised or exhausted or both.

If the OP and her DH have jointly decided that their household is calmer, happier and less stressed with with OP being a SAHP, then frankly that is a perfectly valid choice and entirely their decision to make. If her DH is enjoying the benefits of her being a SAHP while denying her an equal voice in financial decisions then he being a controlling bastard. If he is actually sabotaging her efforts to work by refusing to step up and share responsibility for his children, then he's actually borderline abusive.

Sadly I think both of those scenarios are more likely than OP shamelessly sponging off her poor overworked, downtrodden DH.

Have you just asked him how your income from the BTL will be replaced / what you will live off….

But you could do all that

Honestly saying I’m a SAHM and unable to work is wearing a bit thin in 2025. I have 5 kids and worked throughout. Unable? Don’t want to.

Get a job?

Aside from the property you being a stay at home you are not contributing to a state pension whilst not working unless your NI contributions are being paid.
Please don't put yourself in a vulnerable position by relying solely on your husband.

They may have jointly decided he’d provide financially and she’d be a SAHP, but what if he has independently changed his mind.

OP said she was a SAMH so “can’t” work. “Can’t” isn’t the case.

What if, he has decided he doesn’t want to provide the spending money anymore, she’ll likely have to learn that she “can.”

I have 2 kids in primary school. We both work (him 5 days, me 4) kids are in wraparound care, cleaner twice a month, we manage fine. We can work from home post-Covid so kids can stay home if needed. Pre-Covid we managed when kids were sick, which is significantly less often now. My older child missed two days of school due to illness last year (younger wasn’t in school).

We do homework after work, kids do hobbies.
Things are not perfect but we have a pretty good lifestyle.

I have friends who are nurses and have to be on a ward for 13 hour shifts and their husbands work & they have childcare & they manage.

It doesn’t sound like they are mutually in agreement that this is the best option for them.

Hence his stopping her income stream via the BTL.

Being a SAHM is fine if you both are on board with it - agreeing to it when the kids are babies doesn’t mean that can’t be revisited when they’re at school though.

So he has the chance to pay down your mortgage and retire early, but you don't want him to because you don't want to work - yeah, seems perfectly fair

You're not unable to work, you're unwilling to work.
If you want your own independent source of money get out and earn it. Your husband will have to share more of the load at home but selling the BTL will free him up from all that work he's currently doing to manage it.

Posters are assuming he wants you to work OP.

Does he? or is he happy to continue to support you financially - but from his earnings rather than the BTL income?

If he’s happy to continue to support you financially then there isn’t a problem. You just need to feel comfortable that you’ll have sufficient access to the joint finances that you’re not being kept short or having to ask the whole time. Recommend a joint account.

If he wants you to get a job in order to provide your spending money that’s a different discussion. As PP have said many mothers of school age kids work and it would hardly be unreasonable if he expected you to work. However the question is whether you could earn enough to cover wraparound childcare., especially if you’ve been out of work for a while. You might need some financial support from him while you retrain or work your way back into the job market.

Yeah that's the solution 😂

She's refuses to work and doesn't even have the ability to manage the properties which he owned before he met her so he manages the properties while also paying all bills for the house while at she uses the rent for her personal spend because according to her "she cannot work because she's a SAHM".

She needs to get back to work since her kids are now at school.

Time to get a job.

You refuse to handle the work of a gifted rental property.

I think your husband's sick of carrying the full weight.

Hahahaha, I work full time and I do all those things, she doesn't get a medal for that 😂

He works to pay every bill and also handles all the maintenance for the property that funds her personal spend which she doesn't have the time or ability to manage.

Her kids are now in primary school so she needs to get a job while her DH is trying to pay down their mortgage to secure their financial figure as he prepared for retirement but she wants to remain a SAHM and never work while spending the rent from the property.