To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

Why shouldn’t he retire early if he can afford to?

I’d say your marriage isn’t in tip top condition and he’s considering his and your positions.

She only owns it because it was put in her name to benefit them both.
She hasn’t put any money into it just gets money from it.

Most people have to,regardless of whether or not they have children.

She said she wasn’t working as is a SAHM

I'm surprised that he wants to sell it now, it's not a great time to sell a property, but he must have done the long term planning. Has he discussed this planning with you?

This fucks me right off. Do you really think mums that work - for money - do less parenting, cleaning, cooking? We do it all and we pay our on bills at the same time. It's call having doing it all.
If you want spending money. GET A JOB.

@Nosdoc It doesn't matter, legally, that the HMO property was one that he owned before you were married - he chose to put it in joint names and it requires both of you to sign the contract for sale and the deed of transfer which you can refuse to do. You say that if you refuse, he will refuse to continue managing the property, so you have a choice:

• Take on managing the property yourself and view this as a job that you can flex around your childcare responsibilities to maintain your income from it, or
• Agree to the property sale and get a part-time job to replace some, if not all, of the lost HMO income.

The other issue, of course, is that he's financially coercing and controlling you, but you don't seem particularly unhappy about this (or, at least, you seem to have accepted it for years - until now because his singular decision is affecting you adversely). Knowing that the HMO income is your only income, has he told you how he thinks this should be replaced?

Lots of good advice here on how to approach this situation. Whilst there are some changes the OP could make, overall I think DH is being unreasonable in his decision.
Could the property be changed from an HMO to a couple/family for ease of management?

OP, the point is not to stop DH from selling the house, but to have a proper conversation with him about the two of you fund your life together. You each need some spending money for your own use as well as covering all the bills for the household and children. Is your DH willing and able to carry on providing all this money or do you need to chip in by earning some of it? Perhaps it's hard for him to tell you directly that he feels it's time you got a job, or perhaps something else is going on, but you need to talk.

Agree to the sale, provided you get the income from one of the other non MHO BTLs you both own.

I doubt it's shortage of funds/income/wealth that's the issue here, it's the admin involved. That would be easier for you to do for one of your other single occupancy properties. Go for it.

If this is a real question... working parents are also full time parents who do all the parenting things that SAHP do. In less time. Sometimes that means outsourcing some of the childcare with after school clubs, sometimes it means flexible working, sometimes it means offset hours or weekend work or non-traditional schedules. Sometimes it means just being incredibly well organised. I can only answer how 'I' do this (my husband and I both work full time and have two children who are fed homemade meals and taken to football and ballet while wearing the appropriate clothing that we have purchased. We clean our house and organise plumbers and take our car to the garage too. And we work 5 days a week. Millions of others do this too)

It really matters what the money is spent on. If you're spending a good chunk of it on your kids needs (clothes, clubs, days out) then he needs a plan to replace that money. I'd even agree that if you spent that on gym membership, clothing needs and he's going to keep his level of personal spending while not adjusting yours, that's also dubious, especially if he wanted you to be a SAHM.

But it sounds like your DH wants a financial reset aimed at giving himself more time and that's understandable. And it's probably not compatible with you having a stream of income to use as fun money on yourself.

I do think he's BU for putting an asset in your name to avoid tax and be then treating it like he still owns 100%. He can't have his cake and eat it.

If you're a SAHM I don't know why there's an issue about finances? I'm assuming you both agreed to this? Why don't you just have a joint account and use that?

If this was a husband expecting to keep getting “an income” from a property that their wife already owned people would be losing their damn minds over the entitlement and CF of it all.

Get a job. Even a PT job.

He does all of the maintenance, taxes, dealing with estate agents and tenants. He will refuse to do that if I refuse to sell.

Surely you need to take over these responsibilities if you want to earn the income from it.

If it is sold, there will be less household income but higher household assets (family home). What access do you have to other income? Is everything joint? If not that's a concern he needs to address. If you had full joint access would that be ok? Or would it mean less spending money/are you unhappy about reining in what you spend?

TBH if she's got the several thousand a month from an HMO it takes time to spend that sort of money. Gym, hair lunches out etc.

Know your audience OP, you're not endearing yourself to working parents, SAMH without a four figure income, parents of kids in HMO...

So your husband owned a property in his own name (which is now in part in your name for financial reasons only). He pays for all the bills, manages the property so does all the work for it and you get all the profit whilst doing nothing towards it?
At the same time you are a SAHM with all children in school.
Why on earth don't you get a job yourself (or manage the HMO for him) and earn they money you want to spend? Why are you relying on your husband to give you the profit he generates while he is also working FT?
I think you are being incredibly cheeky!!! You need to pull your weight and not expect handouts while you live a life of doing what you want and not working!

It could (particularly as he plans to refurbish it anyway) but the income from it would be reduced, which I assume neither OP or her DH would be happy with.

Yes… he wants you to get a job.

You need to both be in agreement if you’re going to be a SAHM.

I can see if working hard to build wealth eg by investing in BTL’s… your not earning and spending all the rental money doesn’t really help that ambition.

You need a discussion around your roles - while this arrangement and being a SAHM worked for both of you while the children were very small, it sounds like you now don’t agree on it. And tbh, he’s got a point.

Being a SAHM with school age children is a huge luxury in 2025 IMO.

In the long run, surely the property is better to keep as it is because it will only go up in value? Sell it later, pay off any remaining mortgage in the home you have now, or use it as retirement fund - would be worth a lot more.

But, if you never paid towards the property and was his before you met, then I think the decent thing to do really is to consider it his. Yes, he used you as a tax break but that just made financial sense to you as a family and you have had the money every month from that sense. The payment going to you are nice (you will need some source of income) and I can understand why you are reluctant to give this up, but it really is his property. Had you bought it together then no, don't sell and wouldn't be bullied into selling at all.

Just as a side thought really, if he is dealing with all the finances, is there possibly something he's not saying that needs the house sold for?

Well then either you take over the running sorting it all out or ut gets sold

Get a job

AliceMaforethought

He sounds like an asshole. Tell him that if you go back to work, he is responsible for half of everything you do in the house now, and don't back down. He cooks half the meals, does half the housework, does half the childcare. See how soon that lasts.

As a wm this is the bit a lot of people will never understand about sahms, they’re invaluable to men who leave the house at half six in the morning and get home at half seven but who think work is the be all and end all of everything and don’t really realise that kids need to be picked up, they need someone to mind them, do homework with them, have everything they need ready for them. Everyone says everything is grand when they get to school but it’s so not, they get sick, there’s days you can’t get childcare after or get them home and done families want the security of they’ll be home with a parent with them. But op, do you really want to be so dependent? If he’s saying ‘final word’ it just doesn’t bode well and it doesn’t sound like he’s going to do the ‘our money’ thing, which mine did until I ever wanted to spend on anything, while he’d run purchases by me and tell me they were necessary and I tbh didn’t mind because people deserve to buy things and enjoy life while with me it was always ‘will we do it next payday?’ over small enough stuff

I think your DH is thinking now dc are in primary school you should get a job even pt to fund your own spending. It sounds like he’s doing a lot of managing plus his own job?

He doesn’t want the hassle same as you don’t want the hassle of managing so he is selling. I agree with him. You don’t want to do the work but insist he does so you can keep the income you want. YABU

If it’s the income from it that you want then ask him to pay you the same amount into your account?