To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

the problem with this thread is that everyone has piled on with assumptions based on very limited info

Sometimes I idly wonder to myself just how ridiculous a woman can be before Mumsnet won't have anyone who blames the man. I honestly thought this post might be it but no!

The DH here - works full time, manages numerous BTLs, financially supports his step child as well as his own, and wants to reduce his workload.

The OP - does the school run. And can't possibly manage anything else. Needs money to have her nails done.

How on earth do you get to she is being abused?!

what is she hiding I think they both up to something they don't want the other to find out lol

Well you can ask him, and as it's in your name you presumably could go even further and refuse to cooperate with any sale.

What you can't do is enforce him continuing to look after the BTL, whilst also continuing to pay your DDs school fees and fund you as a SAHP spending as you wish. Which would appear to be the bigger issue here. He isn't happy with the current balance. And this is the difficulty with the SAHP setup when you don't fund it from your own assets.

Do you think he wants you to get a job, to decrease spending, to increase the amount of work you do towards the BTLs? Are there other changes you could make that might facilitate the BTL staying, that your health condition would allow?

@Digdongdoo but SHE has provided a certain lifestyle for HIM. One in which he doesn’t have to spend a moment of him time on the house, the children, his family obligations, the garden. Meals are provided for him, clothes are bought, laundered and appear back in his wardrobe by magic. Everything to do with raising two or more children is done for him - all he has to do is , I assume , make a brief appearance at birthday parties or other events . Some of these men don’t even don’t even go on holiday with their children as they are too busy and they like to reserve their leave for skiing or sailing with their friends.

It costs A LOT ago hire two or more FT Nannies ( so you get 24/7 coverage ) plus a FT housekeeper. You are talking as if the Ops contributions to their marriage and home is worthless , which is unkind as well as factually inaccurate.

I had to put the washing machine on last night, and my partner is yet to buy me a Lamborghini.

Maybe he’s having an affair.

You have no idea what she does - we don’t know if he cooks all meals, does bedtime 5 nights a week, drops kids off at school

all we know is she doesn’t work, doesn’t do the cleaning

and he works full time and manages the BTL

This is a cartoon stereotype of a working man & a housewife.

On what planet does a man who works not spend a moment of time on his house of kids?

The only men this might possibly apply to are men at the absolute top of their game - hospital consultants, CEOs. They are select view. And in my experience these men still do stuff with their kids because it’s 2025 and old fashioned stereotypes of what men & women do are long gone.

In which case he can't sell it without your agreement

So do it yourself, it isn't hard.
(Or call his bluff)

Why are you so passive in this?

But as he manages it he could just bring the tenancies to a close and forget the income.

it sounds like he doesn’t want to do the work anymore and who can blame him. The issues is not that she won’t be able to access money it’s that she can’t keep her spending private

Her DH had been absolutely transparent about why he wants this and where the proceeds of the sale will go. He wants to shorten the term of their mortgage so that he can retire earlier than he otherwise would. That sounds perfectly reasonable and above board to me.

Also landlords are shedding their properties frantically at the moment, because of the changes that the government has already made, and plans to make, that make the sector much less attractive. An HMO that already sounds like a nightmare to run and maintain, is an obvious load to shed.

agree on that one she screams shady and up to something also trophy wife gold digger vibes from op more I read on this thread

That's an awful lot of assumptions based upon absolutely nothing. I don't know how you know so much about their set up from the deliberately vague drip feed OP gave us.
OP doesn't even clean, so I don't know why you would assume she does all of that all by herself.
And even if you are right, her DH is still allowed to want to switch things up now the DC are older.

This is true, but equally OP can't have it maintained and simultaneously benefit from the rental income without his. As the person ultimately funding all this, he does hold more cards.

Which op has not deigned to supply

we own

he can't sell the property without your signature and agreement. Let him know you don't agree to sell and will refuse to sign the paperwork, if he thinks about doing so fraudulently then you will take acton

Yeah that'll help. No DH, you may not have work life balance, you must provide or else. Wonderful basis for a marriage.

The moral of the story is, if you want independence you have to do whatever it takes to earn your own money and keep control/legal rights (through marriage, trusts, pre nups etc) over assets. Any unpaid contribution you make counts for nothing. You will be more respected if you get a job in a fast food joint and pay someone else your entire wage to cook and clean and care for your children than if you just did it yourself. And any income men earn is for them and their biological children only. Not the family and definitely not any woman or any bastards. Welcome to capitalism and girls watching their mothers scrambling around doing everything and the birth rate plummeting. Why would any girl/woman still risk having children in this culture that holds the work of mothers in such utter contempt?

Which would still leave OP with a problem because she can't have the income from the rental for herself without his consent. Someone needs to manage it. If he doesnt want to do it, OP would have to fund it.

How much income do you receive per month from the property?

Pointing out that DH is paying school fees for OP’s child as well as his own is not equivalent to calling a child a “bastard”.

Its also unlikely get only option is to work in McDonalds, that’s unnecessarily dramatic.

Who says girls are watching mothers “scrambling around”, why can’t we show girls that women can do as well in the working world as men. There was a time when women were forced to leave the civil service when they got married, pregnant teachers out of wedlock had to leave their post. That world is a thing of the past.

Nothing wrong with staying at home if it’s something both parties are happy to do. But nothing wrong with women with kids in the workforce either.

Being a SAHM is saving a fortune in nursery costs

What nursery costs? Kids are school aged, OP has a cleaner. And can't even manage the property that pays for her and her DC life herself, because it's too time consuming for her - DH can do it, even though he works full time. Sorry OP you're taking the piss here.

Is this a wind up? Get a job OP. If Amanda could do it, so can you.

So it’ll be a change from having your own money with no oversight from him, to taking money from a joint account where he can see every transaction?
I do understand why he’s selling if the property was his in the first place and it’s a headache in terms of ongoing expenses but it’s not reasonable for him to expect you to accept a big change in your financial circumstances with no discussion or explanation.
Why not just have him transfer you the amount you were getting from the BTL into your current account, that way you’re in the same position financially? Would he say he can’t afford to do that? Is he expecting you to reduce your outgoings?