To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

There is remote work, and after school care, child minders etc. Plenty of us manage to work full time with children.

What’s stopping you from getting a part time job now?

Your kids aren’t babies. There is no reason for you to be a SAHM if your kids are in full time education.

You are just coming across as work shy.

Every couple my age with kids (I’m 31 btw) all work. We all work either full-time or part time. We wouldn’t be able to live and feed our kids if we both didn’t work.

Same. The local ones to me charge extra before /after school

exactly - how do SAHP believe working parents achieve these things? If I was a SAHP these things would be easier, yes but as I manage them whilst working I’d find myself with a lot of additional time to fill.

OP just a word of warning from some real life friendship experience - the SAHP without their own private income (which this doesn’t appear to be/is a grey area) have discovered that their partners wanted them to be partners in work too as the DC were getting older (yr 3/5) and not SAHP who seemed to have lots of free time and personal spends. For those two out of the three SAHP from my child’s year group - they are now single parents. No 3 was financially independent. And this was before the current COL crisis. So perhaps sit down and communicate in a manner of what the future looks like before it possibly takes a different direction.

DISCLAIMER - this obviously isn’t the case for all SAHP and I’d LOVE to be able to shop/go to the gym/ get a full on grip of the house/ spend time with elderly parents it would be amazing so maybe I’m just jealous of your easy income :)

I would worry that the husband is disengaging and doesnt care to keep his wife content - it could be a passive aggressive move to make the OP suffer. He could be planning more moves but needs the property out of her name. I would be concerned.

I do know a lot of high net worth families with a sahw. There is usually an understanding that the wife covers all the domestic stuff - the house, the meals, the children, the dogs, the garden, the admin - and beyond that she can meet friends, do classes, go to the gym.

Their friends will largely be doing the same and it wouldn't go down well in their circles to suddenly pull the rug on this lifestyle without good reason.

I smell a rat.

But that's not what's happening here. Op.wants income from something she refuses to deal with and wants to be a sahm to mid primary school age dc, while.dh should be working full time and taking on all the stress of the landlord role because it's too much for op.

She doesn't want to work 😂 😂 😂

She sees it as her right to be a SAHM while spending the rent of about £5k a month on herself

She doesn’t sound very competent if she can’t even manage a BTL

“Life is meant for living”, - if you have kids in school the person not working at all gets to do a lot more living then the person in work every day carrying the burden of providing for the family.

That burden never seems to be acknowledged enough on MNs to me. There’s often a sort of Mad Men style sugar glaze where men are so fortunate to have these wonderful careers facilitated by women. Whereas most people just have a job they have to get on with to get paid.

@Ilovelifeverymuch don't you see the TRAUMA and ABUSE!! ?! 😭😭😭
The inhumanity of it?!!

Get a job OP, currently your husband is financially supporting the entire family and also contributing financially to his stepchild. It’s a bit off to say that it’s your income paying for that because it isn’t is it? Your DH owned that property before he met you AND he’s the one doing all the admin and managing. So just because he has transferred to your name for likely tax reasons doesn’t mean the YOU are paying, his asset is. Your kids are all in school and you have a cleaner so you have lots of spare time to get a part of time job and some independence. You need to start contributing financially as your husband clearly wants to retire early and selling this rental would help that. Right now you are just riding the easy train

But that is what lots of these families do. The wife doesn't work and isn't going to suddenly start doing shifts in the local supermarket or whatever. This is presumably what she signed up for and now he wants to change things. He wants the property out of her name and she doesn't get her own funds going forward. He doesn't seem to be expecting her to get a job, more that she just won't have funds. In these families that is some move and I honestly think OP should be considering what this means for their relationship going forward never mind the money.

Yes she needs to get a job, she uses the income from the property that he owns to pay her child from a different feathers school fees, it means he needs to get a job so she can pay the fees with the kids father not expect her DH to continue to work and work himself to death to pay all the bills while she uses the income from his property to pay her kids fees and spend frivolously.

She made it clear she doesn't want to depend on the joint account because it means he will start questioning some of her frivolous spending.

Her children are not babies and are in school so she doesn't get to demand that she remains a SAHM while he pays for every household expenses while she spends the income from the property.

Similarly where i live (Hertfordshire) there are lots of SAHM with high earning husbands in law/finance/medicine/CEOs - tbh I dont even understand what some of them do.
Some have kids in private school, nearly all outsource cleaning, ironing, gardening etc. Presumably both partners are on board with it. My DH is self employed (variable income year on year) I was a SAHM until dC started school which was what we agreed but it was a joint decision that I would go back to work (at first pt) once they were at school

But in their world he possibly does have a career that means the world to him. I used to work in the City and loads of the men ( and some of the women) adored their jobs, spent as much time as possible working. They usually ended up having an affair with a co worker because they had work in common. These people have exciting jobs, often with big expense accounts foreign travel. They love it. They like having a sahw to keep the home going but that's not what drives them.

Op, what does he say about where the school fees will come from? I really think he must be thinking it’s time for you to go back to work. I hear you that a parent at home makes life easier for dc but it’s a luxury these days with children at school. I work full time with 3 young dc, and my children are very loved. You need to get a job, and tell him to do pick up etc and cook dinner a couple of nights a week. You say you worked before, you can work again, and you aren’t owed a job free life with school fees paid.

The OP and her dh DO NOT need the income of her working.

The OP does in order to pay the school fees for her first child. She can’t expect her husband to pay that.

I’ve worked in a City type job, I didn’t enjoy it and I wasn’t the only one. Yes, there are some people with high powered jobs who love it. The vast majority of people just have jobs.

Sounds like a sensible idea for long term financial security, and as you point out, it was his home before you got married. Just clarify what income you’ll have after the sale. Maybe some
of proceeds can be set aside until you can go back to work?

I should have said “want” instead of need. I stand by everything else. He gave her part ownership of the house. The money she earns from it is hers not his.

and you know what some people do need to be sahm’s just as I needed to be a career woman. Each to their own.

She already has a job.

So jealous.

I wish I had a nice passive income.

@Nosdoc

ah maybe it’s time to go back to work, OP! Further your career, earn some money for yourself, who wants to rely on a man for their treats in life?!
you’re not just a mum- you’re a person in your own right! You matter too!

What job? The kids are at school and she doesn't do the housework.

Good for her.