To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

@Phatgurslyms

i get what you’re saying, but if it was my husband who didn’t have a job, didn’t do housework etc I’d probs dump him and get someone better 🤷‍♀️

Yes, it is good for her.

But it's not a job. She's a "kept woman" not a SAHP.

Given the OP specifically says though that her DH wants to pay down the mortgage so he can retire early, it doesn’t suggest he’d prefer to be working than living a life of leisure.

Hmmm you take a lot, get paid for being a sahm basically yet your other half is going all the work plus running the btl to keep you in money and paying all bills etc. cushy life but I would never want my hubby to run after me like this. Totally get why he wants to lower mortgage aswell seems he has a good financial head on him. I don't think I would interfere if it were me but you want your money which I think is selfish rather than ease the pressure of the mortgage

You’re not “unable” to work.

You just don’t want to. That’s fine, but own it. You’ll be treated with more respect.

In that case it sounds like it's not his decision to make.

Is there any reason why you won't be able to do it?

So how on earth is it that you haven't already paid off your mortgage? Your husband is high earning, you have income coming in from several properties, surely if the mortgage is a concern it could have been paid off some time ago?

You seriously need to look at your bank accounts. Your husband is high earning and you have income from a number of properties. That must be well into six figures. It's extremely difficult to understand how the bulk of your income can be swallowed up by household expenses, unless you're living in a money pit falling-down mansion. I'm wondering if the reality is your husband is squirrelling away a lot of money to hide it from any potential claims in the future.

Time to get a job, obviously. But he can't just do it unilaterally. Pretty sure he needs you to work for pay now though.

"SAHM" - THE KIDS ARE AT SCHOOL

Correction - your HUSBANDS assets and work in managing those assets pay for your and your ex’s child to go to private school.

He also covers all the bills, housing, school fees etc.

He is making a decision to reduce the work/ second job of running a HMO. You refuse/ can’t do it. So why is it ok for you to force him to do two jobs for your leisure? And to subsidize your child to pay for an Education their parents can’t provide.

While you have over 30 hours free a week, (likely even more if the kids are in private school) with all the bells and whistles?

You say your kids need their Mum - well in fact kids need both oarents. What are you doing to support your husband to reduce his work pressure so he can spend meaningful time with his kids? What is your contribution to the marriage, household and ensuring both equity/ equality?

If she was a man I think the phrase would be c-lodger.

Agree, he’s up to something. Possibly found a new model to trade OP in for or at least hoping to get a bit on the side and needs to ass cover by getting ‘his’ assets safely back into his name in case of divorce. If she got a job he would possibly still not lift a finger in the household and be mortified if she started cleaning houses or doing supermarket check out while he earns in an hour what she would earn in a week.

Having the ‘privilege’ of being able to go out to work and the independence that it brings often involves untold sacrifices from others that many fail to acknowledge. Such as - cheap after school care on hand, family back up in case of illness, partners who pull their weight with the household tasks, keen and able grandparents to offer free support, underpaid cleaners and gardeners, flexible workplaces with dependable hours and a job that pays more than what any cleaner/child minder/extra convenience food would cost to make it worth while, proximity to said job to make the commute worthwhile, a dependable friendship group that can offer back up, the good physical and mental health of all children and adults in the family etc etc. The OP will need to ensure some of these are in place if she has a hope of gaining some independence and thus security for herself and her child in this marriage. Many people, especially men, but also many smug, self congratulatory women, have no idea how many stars are lining up for them when they boast about how they manage just fine both bringing in an income and maintaining their economic independence with three gloriously happy, well adjusted children and a golden retriever in tow.

He gave her part ownership of the house. The money she earns from it is hers not his.

In a marriage its arguably theirs, not hers.

OP doesnt earn it. He does all the work in managing it and keeping it going. She's a silent partner who hasn't invested a penny or a minute of her time.l yet seems very proprietorial about the revenue.

Comes across as a CF when she ducks questions that people have been asking.

OP will have access to money even if her DH sells the MHO. She has said:

'I’ll have to use our joint account but I now he’ll start making comments about my spending, in particular on things he considers superfluous'

She just doesn't want him to be able to see what she is spending her money on. I assume that her DH expected her to do the admin required for the HMO as she was receiving all the income and doesn't have a job. She says she can't do this so her husband is doing it on top of his full-time job. The only way for him to resolve this is by selling the HMO.

She is his wife not his woman.

Job time

Unfortunately, I have not rtft.

I am happily single and financially independent but I have seen too many married friends carrying the weight of running households and raising children virtually singlehanded, losing their identities and beauty as they work their fingers to the bone. I wished they had all had partners who took care of them like the op. One of them had what amounts to a nervous breakdown. I am pleased for you, op. If this is what you want don’t listen to the jealous women on here who are driving themselves mad with carrying such heavy loads.

You know @Nosdoc if my DH was working hard to retire early and selling a property would help him on this, I would be supportive. It will benefit you both, in the long run surely?

it is very stressful being sole earner and totally responsible for all the financial welfare of your family. I sympathise he wants to get out of that situation.
That leaves you without your income stream.
You are entitled to access to funds - you too are massively contributing and enabling him to work by looking after the kids.
If things are tight you will have to cut down on your spending or get a small job to boost. Maybe discuss with your husband whether he wants you to do this.
Some of my friends who were stay at home had an allowance for their personal use separate from household budget.

I think if I were him I’d want to sell it.

Many working couples and even single parents manage just fine, it doesn’t mean the starts have aligned for them to maintain a job, it’s just an average, day-to-day experience that most people live through.

OP has a cleaner, so realistically the only things she needs to do is school pick ups and meals. That leaves plenty of time to organise a PT job around.

All your children go to school so why are you a SAHM? Your DH is probably stressed about paying all the bills, the mortgage and the school fees for your shared children. Get a job and help out with the finances.

Sorry but… if you don’t work, you don’t manage it, it was not yours to start with and your only relationship to this project is spending the proceeds as you please… aren’t you taking the mickey?

What are you bringing into the equation? I understand if you are disabled or have disabled children and are therefore in a difficult position to work but if he is pulling all the weight… no wonder he wants to alleviate his own pressures by selling it: He takes a lot of repair work and management out of his task list, reduces the marital home mortgage (always sensible) and gets you back into work. Win win? Even for you, because believe me, marriages can fail, husbands can get ill or die, and if you depend 100% on him to survive you are placing yourself in a very vulnerable position.

I work as does my husband. It’s not a “privilege” it’s a job. I had two weeks off recently and it was bliss just being able to be in my house & live.

It’s not a matter of “stars lining up”, I simply pay for childcare as do my colleagues. One of my kids is so happy in his afterschool id feel bad taking him out. It’s takes a bit of management, our house isn’t clean & tidy most of the time, we don’t always have lovely homemade dinners but it’s not that big a deal. We don’t have a gardener nor do I underplay our cleaner! I don’t have friends are in a position to mind my kids.

None of us are smug we work to pay our bills.

Yes, there are some situations where I understand why lower income families can’t afford for both parents to work, but someone with kids in primary school can do many things to generate an income. And some others situations I’ll health etc. But these are exceptions.

Sorry, I should have said on the OP: I am a SAHM, so I’m unable to work We have primary school children and I choose not to work.

fixed that for you.