To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

I don’t understand why, given all the dc are at least in primary, you can’t, as many people do, organise wraparound care and get a job. If you have multiple properties, you could probably/possibly afford this? And why can’t you sort out tenants/estate agent/repairs? I do, despite working full time. You just use an agent who sorts pretty much everything and they take a fee, but don’t even have to speak to you. You could give them a financial limit of eg £400 before they need authorisation from you. I actually sacked the agent when I discovered they’d left a family with a brand new baby without hot water/heating for 3 days.

You've got a pretty good ride, OP. Maybe he's aick of paying all the bills. I'd be sitting up straight and paying attention right about now.

And that’s entirely up to them , not something I would like to do .

Some people have no choice. Just like OP wouldn’t if she was a single parent. And I predict that’s in her future if she doesn’t buck her ideas up.

The rental income so dh house /money or joint if you call the pot pays for your child to go to private school

so how will the fees now be paid

still by your dh ?

No. You’re just Listing tasks as if onerous or stretching tasks you over time
Most people work and manage everything you’ve listed
Bills, Direct Debit etc - pay online , few tap on an app
Laundry pop in machine
Chores don’t mean you can’t work.

Please be careful OP. He used your name and identity to dodge tax. Now that he no longer has that use for you, he is removing your access to the income that tax dodge generated. I think you should tell him that you will make a plan to go back to some type of work that generates at least as much as what the property generated for you. And that only after this is in place you will sign the property over. He can’t force you to sign it over and if he doesn’t want to carry on the maintenance during this time, defer it for a bit.

The fact that he doesn’t seem to agree with you being a SAHM anymore is a problem for you. You have to ask him straight up about this and make him aware of how his life and care responsibilities will have to change if you go back to work. Make sure he is prepared to take this on board. Always, always make sure you have a seperate bank account where you receive some money that he isn’t able to access without your express consent. Men like this have no understanding of the daily costs and needs of women and children and he will pick apart every purchase if you let him.

My father used my mother’s identity frequently for tax advantage and left her with nothing in the end. I know it’s hard but you have to start taking some action to protect yourself and your child.

OP has not said what school her DC go to.
So you have no idea whether wraparound care is including in the fees (as it is for private schools near me) or not.

And the vast majority of people do that and hold down a full-time job.

Being a SAHP is fine if all parties involved are happy, but that's not the case here. At the moment, OP's husband works full-time, pays for a cleaner and runs a side-business while OP does...what, exactly? She doesn't work, she doesn't even run the rental that gives her her income, and her kids are in school all day.

Let's not pretend she's hard done by and working her socks off.

I think the issue here is that there haven’t been a proper discussion about finances.

Sorry but lots of high earning men want and demand that their wife stays at home. It is part of the package they want. It's not just about the kids, it's having allvthe domestic stuff taken care of. She is not necessarily able to set the terms and conditions while she is with him, including getting a job.

Please be careful OP. He used your name and identity to dodge tax. Now that he no longer has that use for you, he is removing your access to the income that tax dodge generated.

@Wetoldyousaurus Come on..it's perfectly legal for married couples to split assets in order to minimise tax. Some couples divide their savings so that one of them pays less tax on the interest if the other one has a high income. Absolutely legal.

It's not a tax dodge. The BTL is mainly in her name so she earns the most but will pay 20% tax not 40% which he would .

My daughter sees that women can do more than domestic chores, can be equal partners, can have ambition and that dads can do everything mums can do.

We manage to sort out uniforms and homework and personal hygiene whilst working full time, travelling, maintaining hobbies and studying.

Where?

100% this ^^ ,

No, you stated private school fees include wrap round that is not a universal
Equally,you clearly don’t know that school fees don’t include after school and wrap round care.

Nearly all the private schools near me offer wraparound care as standard.

What job did you do before? Why can't you manage the BTL?

Where? Well, i live on the Surrey / South West London border and it is pretty common here. The men work in finance, media, law etc in London and they have big houses with stay at home wives. Places like Weybridge, Cobham, Esher are chock full of families like this.

I stayed at home when we adopted two children with a lot of additional needs and I ended up becoming a full time carer. So I knew a lot of other stay at home wives.

and my school doesn’t. It’s an additional charge

No she didn't. I said MOST private schools do. The vast majority of private schools I've encountered offer care from 8:00-5:30 within the cost of the fees.

That's why I said MOST. I can't help it if you picked a school that doesn't. The majority of parents will still need to get a job and pay for the wraparound.

I didn't state private schools include wraparound. I said the ones near me do.

Here's what I said to prevent you scrolling back:
OP has not said what school her DC go to.
So you have no idea whether wraparound care is including in the fees (as it is for private schools near me) or not.

Your statement was that wraparound is an extra cost and you did not indicate that this was only true at some schools.

this is what you said
No you pay additional fee for after school and breakfast club, not included in fees

You cannot possibly know whether OP's school charges as extra or includes in the fees, as she's not said what school it is.

That’s good for you. My children see that a husband and wife can work together to make each other’s lives easier, so they don’t have two exhausted parents. Instead, we get to spend more quality time together enjoying hobbies and traveling. With smart investments and savings, it’s possible to live comfortably because life is meant for living.

None of these are full time jobs, unless you choose to make them so.