To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

Sounds like he does though since he is doing at all

This way of managing finances clearly doesn't work for him anymore, particularly if he has accused you of "being superfluous" in the past.

I think you need to sit down and discuss the solution to how finances will work if he sells the HMO. It does need to be a "both of you" decision but from the information you have given on this thread, it does sound like you have it pretty easy at the moment (school aged kids and a cleaner and the whole income from the HMO) whilst he works full time so I can see why, if his overall plan is to retire early , he wants to make changes

I believe the children in the private school are the OP's children. Not the children of her husband. The income from HIS house (that he owned before marriage), that HE does all the work for, pays for the cleaning (that OP can't or won't do, pays for HER children to go to private school, and some treats for HIS children. Personally, I am not entirely sure what the husband actually gets from this relationship.

to be honest you do sound quite lazy. Don’t get me wrong, loads of women are equally lazy & live off their husbands comfortably and don’t work - but your husband wants to stop your set up. That’s your problem. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does, if he isn’t willing to continue this arrangement.

he isn’t being unreasonable. it is inherently lazy for you to not get your own job, but instead to be reliant on rental income on his property, that he continues to manage as the landlord. It’s hard to see what you’re actually contributing to that property aside from a legal loophole that gives him some financial benefit by putting your name on the deed. He seems quite savvy so this isn’t a battle I foresee you winning. If he divorced you, would you be able to maintain your lifestyle alone or would you continue to be reliant on him?

your children are old enough to not require a SAHM. Again, many women are bankrolled by their husbands but your husband isn’t happy with your arrangement, so you don’t have a leg to stand on.

build your own financial independence.

This has to be a joke? Have you ever had a job OP?

You need to get a job

I mean, I assume the OP is probably more attractive than he is, given everything else seems imbalanced in their relationship. What triggered his change in mind is probably a tale as old as time, he’s probably bored of the relationship and feels like he needs to protect his assets.

He's accused her of being "frivolous", not "superfluous".

Or reduce her spending to a level her DH is happy to continue bank-rolling.

If you were a man we would all be calling you a cocklodger.

And I say this as someone who was a SAHM myself when my kids were 0-5.

Threads like this drive me nuts. OP, presumably you came on here to get some decent honest advice from wise, empathetic women. We are here to give it to you but you disappear, don't answer questions, and drip feed your situation. Do you want help?

Until I had our DC with DH, I’ve always worked.

Could you return to work?

I pay for my child to go to the same school as our DC. My ex contributes, I use the rental income and savings I have. It’s convenient for everyone.

Also you seem to be avoiding the question asked many times - how does your husband feel about you continuing to be a SAHM now that your kids are older?

You say that he doesn’t earn enough money to give you spending money after paying all the household bills and school fees. Surely you now can’t afford to be a SAHM.

My guess is that your husband wants you to go back to work, you’re digging in your heels and so this is his way to make you! And unless there is a drip feed that you have a disability which means you are completely unable to do any paid employment, then I dont blame him.

Actually, I think this thread is a pretty good illustration of why bother to earn your own money if you can get it gifted to you by your partner! So you're with a high earner, he owns a BTL property which, to minimise tax liabilities is transferred largely to you and with you retaining the BTL income. And when he wants to sell - it's to pay off the mortgage of your home. Win, win, win

So an income stream from a property DH bought and manages pays school fees for your DC. He presumably understands that if you sell that property he will need to pay those fees for your DC from his wages?

Say 0930-1430h, so 5h, 25h a week. Even term-time only 37 weeks at min wage brings in about £11k.
It might take a bit of finding (or include shifts when their father can look after them?
It would make a difference to most people.

What has he said about money for you in the future? Surely this has been discussed, or is he assuming/forcing you to get a job?

Except your DH

Or maybe he understands that OP could pay school fees for her child from her own wages if she chose to earn some.

This is a grand deal for your ex as well!!

So what is the plan post sale for a) how you pay for your expenses and b) how you pay for your child to go to private school? I'm reading this as you have kids together with DH and one of your own.

You need a plan, otherwise you're begging for spending money every month a la 1962. Or, you'll have to get a job, obvs

You need to get a job - I don’t see why you can’t work part time? Almost every mum I knew through school worked part time 20 years ago. The one SAHM I knew went to work when her youngest was in school.

It's not you paying though, it's your DH. Now that all your DC are at school, you have the time to work and pay for it yourself.
Whatever the set up has been, he's telling you it isn't working anymore. Time to share the load a bit.