To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

It sounds to me as if the question of the property is not the real problem in your marriage.

You should be discussing family finances as a partnership, rather than him laying down the law, but I suspect there might be more to this than you’ve told us. For instance, you say "I’m a SAHM so I am unable to work", but that’s circular logic. Does your DH think you should get at least a part-time job? Does he resent the amount of time he has to spend on sorting out the BTL property as well as working full- time? Does he think you spend too much on treats for yourself and the DC?

She is allowed to spend from the pot, but he then comments that what she spends on is "frivolous" (she says that giving her the rent directly from the HMO was to reduce the friction in their marriage caused by her spending/him commenting).

You are not unable to work, you chose not to...

Is his income shared with you? If not will it be after the BTL is sold?

If you and your husband don't see marital property and incomes as shared then what you can you expect to happen ? You say the income is 'yours' but then that it was 'his' house before marriage - can't you just share your assets and then work out if it's viable for you to not to work outside of the home? As you are married, I don't think you can realistically see rental income from any property as being somehow 'your' source of income. Actually paying off a mortgage early will be a huge benefit and will save you (both) a fortune in interest and you will have a more secure future - so I agree with hubby.

@Reasontoreason "How is he expecting you to fund your life style once the house is sold?" At least one answer to this is for OP to get a job.

So if there is not enough money in your joint account to cover your expenses, how is he suggesting you pay for them? If there was friction before, why does he think this will have changed now? Are the things really superfluous or just his opinion?

It's not really being a SAHM when all your kids are in school though, is it? She says herself she doesn't even do the cleaning - her DH pays for someone else to do it.

But she doesn’t work ? And may not be able to . Just because her husband is selling the house doesn’t mean he wants her to get a job ? maybe she doesn’t want one ? As long as they don’t claim benefits that’s for them to sort out .

Well, I don't blame him for wanting to sell as it is a lot of work (I have done it for a small HMO).

OP what’s your AIBU here? You are baulking at having no source of income of your own. You need to get one.

You’ve been relying on someone giving you money (albeit you have been providing childcare for some years during that). But if you want financial freedom you need to generate finances somehow, not rely on someone else. This is especially true if, as it sounds, you have children that are not the responsibility of the person who has been covering your spending.

Unless you made a big sacrifice to allow him to do whatever it is he is currently able to do, your DH doesn’t sound particularly unreasonable to want to lower his retirement age rather than keep you (and another man’s children?) in spending money.

Did you used to have a similar source of income before you married him or had children with him? Can you get that back?

She literally said 'his children'

Yes thankyou. I missed the sneaky drip feed. Shoot me.

So your husband bought the property, manages and funds the maintenance, and manages the tenancies, licences etc? If so then I'd say it's completely up to him if he wants to sell. I am a landlord (small one bed property) and I feel that is stressful at times never mind an HMO. If you were managing everything to do with the property then fair enough but it's not fair to expect him to work full time in a regular job and manage an HMO while you don't work? You say you can't but your children are in school?

So do many mothers who work. I do all this , work full time , have pain condition and attend college in the evenings 🙄 how can you be a SAHM when your children are out of the house 7 hours a day

Perhaps in hindsight, saving a good proportion, rather than spending (lower your standards for cleaning, etc.) would have been a good idea. It does sound like you've got used to a level of spending that's unsustainable, given your DH's wish to retire early.

Maybe if you learned to manage it properly it would be a job and worthwhile keeping

Agree, these are not full time jobs. Many of us manage to fit in several days work a week and do everything you list and more.

Edited to say I meant everything the PP listed.

@Nosdoc get a job, and show him it won't work. He'll have to pay for childcare won't he

I don't think I am above my tenants, of course, and was brought up in private rented accommodation myself - and I would never treat my tenants the way some landlords treated my parents. However, having a go-between keeps relationships friendly - if I need to see the tenants I do and we have friendly relationships, even exchange cakes etc. on occasion.

In that case I have sympathy with your position
So if you want money you have to find a job

Being a SAHM to children who are at school is in no way a job

If you're not going to find paid employment, then you need to agree on what is a sensible budget for household costs and school fees and your spending money given the household income.

And figure out what would be the best way to sasaveor invest the rest. DH might be better paying into a pension from his salary (tax-free).

But you need an honest conversation about your joint finances and plans. You cant expect DH to bankroll you indefinitely.

@Reasontoreason

• "But she doesn’t work?" I know, she's told us that - that doesn't mean she can't.
• "And may not be able to." Pure conjecture on your part - OP hasn't told us she's so disabled that she can't work (although given this thread is one big drip-feed, maybe that's to come).
• "Just because her husband is selling the house doesn’t mean he wants her to get a job?" I haven't said it does.
• "Maybe she doesn’t want one?" That much is patently clear.
• "As long as they don’t claim benefits that’s for them to sort out." Of course it is, but instead of discussing it with her DH to agree a mutually satisfactory resolution, she's started a thread on MN.

Furthermore, OP's told us in a recent post that the reason they arranged for the income from the HMO to be paid directly to her is because there was "friction" in their marriage when she spent from their joint account because her DH would comment that she spent money on "frivolous" things. OP isn't answering my questions on this so we have no idea if she's a profligate spender or if her DH is exceptionally controlling - both could be true.

Is there a word for the female equivalent of a cock-lodger ?

Have you ever worked in a way that meant you could support yourself? Or have you always been dependent on a man?

Do you have any qualifications or experience of work?

It's not clear at all what the income from the BTL is used for.
You said a cleaner (is that for the BTL or your own home?)
School fees (how will they be paid if the BTL is sold?)
And the rest if your 'pocket money' for odds and sods.

Presumably you are declaring this as income and do a SA or an accountant does it all for you.

How much would you have to earn if you had a job to replace this rental income?