To ask DH to keep our BTL

[Nosdoc]

We own a BTL property that generates a decent income for me - it’s set up so that most of the income is directed to me. DH plans to refurbish and sell the property and us the proceeds to pay of the mortgage on our house. All very sensible but as I don’t work, the BTL is my only source of income. DH doesn’t plan on reducing the monthly payments on our mortgage, but he is going to reduce the term, so we won’t see any immediate benefit from lower repayments. I am feeling distressed because this money provides me with considerable financial freedom.

My husband is refusing to discuss and has told me the plan to sell is final.

If you sell the property will he give you the same money as the rent as an allowance
Personally I couldn’t be dependent financially on my DH or anyone else but if you are happy with that set up then that’s up to you
What you can’t be is be without any money to spend

So from your DH’s perspective - he currently manages the BTL property (as you can’t manage it) AND works full time as he has full financial responsibility for all household income.

You take most of the income from the BTL and are able to not work as your husband covers everything.

your children go to school in the day.

I should think your husband feels a huge amount of responsibility surrounding the mortgage and feels that reducing it would reduce some of that burden. Plus managing the property (which you’ve said you are unable to do) must take a lot of time on top of full time work.

I actually don’t think he is in the wrong.

What do you mean “won’t let”?

If her husband “won’t let” her work, it’s time to find a new one.

Some of you are being unnecessarily mean to the OP. Just because you have not chosen to be a SAHM doesn’t mean that it’s not a valid choice that she and her husband both agreed to at some point.

He is a high earner and I assume he couldn’t do this if the OP had not taken all the family leave and given up her career to facilitate his. So it’s not just HIS income / flat / pension, it’s a joint asset, legally as well as morally.

Some of you need to be a little kinder and more understanding of other mothers whose lives are not exactly the same as your own.

He wouldn’t be able to - our household expenses use up the bulk of our income. I’ll have to use our joint account but I now he’ll start making comments about my spending, in particular on things he considers superfluous. Moving the HMO to me was designed to stop this friction in our marriage.

Being a SAHM is a valid choice. (I'm a SAHM too)

Refusing to let your DH retire early because you want unearned income as play money, is not.

In the spirit of tightening up so he can retire early, could you spend less… superfluously?

What do you spend the money on? I suspect it’s already breeding resentment and creating friction and it’s blown up now

you need an open discussion

Ok, so the bulk of the income goes on expenses and bills, that's not so unusual.

How much spending money do you get, and what do you spend it on?

How much spending money does he get, and what does he spend it on?

You mentioned you have significant financial freedom thanks to the HMO income. How much financial freedom does your H have?

The you need to make some effort and learn to manage it yourself so he doesn’t have to.

<checks statute>

Women are not owned by men in 2025. “Won’t let”?????

Surely as adults he would sit down and discuss with you, where your income will be coming from in future? If he wants you to be a SAHM then you need to agree between you, how much money you need week to week.

Download the MSE budget planner and work it out together.

But I can't blame him for selling if the house is causing him a lot of work. He can't leave you without money though.

Marriages and their needs grow and change over the years. Not all agreements will be for life and if all his wages are going on bills, then where is his own money for himself too? Seems like you have had it good, having your own money while he paid for everything else just to stop arguments! I think it would be good to sit down and have a proper chat without threatening each other, be a partnership like you signed up for. Good luck.

You being a SAHM parent needs to be a joint decision by both of you.

If there is a SAHP, the money earned by the parent working outside of the house needs to be family money.

Have you actually had a discussion with your husband about all of this?

It depends what kind of man he is. I have known plenty of sahms and some are married to controlling, bossy men who make huge demands on their wives, want the benefits of a sahw, but everything has to be their way.

And if this is your husband, OP, he isn't going to budge, and is going to become increasingly controlling - not considering your financial needs in his plans is very unreasonable.

He shouldn't sell until you don't need to do the job of SAHM anymore (it is a job and you should be paid for it out of family finances).

It will feel awful for you not to have financial freedom. I hope he isn't one of those men who wants you to be dependent on him.

This is a mad take.

Nobody needs to be a SAHM. Some people want to be, and that’s up to them, but it’s not a need.

If you want financial freedom, you usually have to have your own funds - or at least access to them. Being fully funded by your partner, by choice, means you’ve chosen to be dependent on them.

Why are being so cagey OP? Has this rent money been covering essentials like food and car insurance? Or fripperies like soft play and hair appointments?

He is a high earner and I assume he couldn’t do this if the OP had not taken all the family leave and given up her career to facilitate his. So it’s not just HIS income / flat / pension, it’s a joint asset, legally as well as morally.

its actually entirely possible for men to be high earners wothout a SAHP. It’s also possible for women to be high earners, but that’s rather more dependent on marrying someone that isn’t a twat.

Then they should leave.

So are you telling us you're a profligate spender OP, or is your DH exceptionally controlling?

You want spends? Get a job like a hell of a lot of people.
You've got spending money effectively, by default.
Sounds like you want your dh to work longer so you don't have to.
If I were your dh, I'd be fed up of working my arse off when my partner is doing absolutely nothing during the day Monday to Friday and I'd want to sell the house to look out for me and in return, you can get a job and contribute instead of spending.

You are kidding, right? She's married which gives her financial protection, he's also transferred a house into her name and he's been doing all the work on a btl but giving her the income from it. She is not "unnecessarily vulnerable " nor can you say he doesn't prioritise her "financial independence ".

Given expected changes to landlord regulations and the fact the bloke is doing all the work for the property while working and the OP does nothing for the property while being a sahm to school age kids, maybe he's just fed up of being taken for a ride.

A large hmo should be easily bringing in an income of 3k per month, could be far more (my friend lives in one and the total all the tenants pay is 5k per month). Maybe he just wants OP to be a bit more sensible in her spending

the7Vabo

it works for some people, I quit a few years ago after our third childminder told me she couldn’t do with the inflexibility of my hours and no longer had a van to get my 4 kids home. There’s weeks dh has no wfh I’m retail so have to be out. The job I have since gives more of a heads up on hours which is great but all local childcare is booked up and the place we had lost their driver so we moved to another place who can’t have us Wednesdays or Thursdays. In laws sometimes help (I don’t work every Wednesday or Thursday) but mostly can’t. Dh can help sometimes but most of the time he doesn’t have the flexibility and without his wage we’re done. So it’s great if works for so many but for some of us it’s juggling and arranging play dates or rushing home on a lunch break to get them home and basically neglecting them for a few hours because we can’t get a place on the school bus/ adequate childcare. Honestly just showing you because I get fed up of the ‘if they’re in school you should just get out to work’ people- lottery win and I’d be the most chilled person, not because of the money, but because every day I’d know I could pick up the kids, do homework with them, do an activity if they wanted to etc. (and I was a sahm for 8 years and treasured every second of it)