To think most rich people don’t understand how the rest of us live?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

I keep seeing advice from wealthy people that is completely out of touch with reality - things like “just buy a house instead of renting” or “take a year off to travel and find yourself.” Even when they mean well, there’s a lack of awareness about how difficult things are for the average person. I’m not saying all rich people are like this but it does seem that extreme wealth can create a bubble where they forget what it’s like to struggle.

AIBU to think that most rich people genuinely don’t understand how the rest of us live? Or do you think this is unfair?

Why is it relevant what shoes a journalist was wearing or how much they cost when she was giving advice to those who are unable to make good spending decisions?

This is what I mean by people being envious and jealous of others having more rather than focusing on what they have

It was during the financial crisis, and IIRC in the Telegraph, where a food writer wrote about ‘using up leftovers’.

I swear I haven’t made this up, but she actually wrote about using 6 discarded lobster shells (from a previous dinner party, obviously) to make broth for a seafood soup! 😂😂

I don’t think it is particularly or even primarily rich people who open my eyes to completely different outlooks to money.

Ordinary people seem to trot out ‘just put up a fence’ (which is a minimum of £600 IME unless you can do all the labour yourself) ‘just go to a hotel’ rather than stay with relatives (usually about £100 - 150 these days’

People who buy cars for their 18 year olds, talk about ‘only one holiday abroad every year’, ordinary people with finance on great big high spec cars that they ‘need’…people who are really really snotty about cheaper areas of London where people live (decent ordinary lives) because it is what they can afford.

And the constant updating of kitchens and bathrooms. People who talk of living in 3 bed semis (me when Dc were at home) commenting on links to houses that perfectly decent kitchens and bathrooms look ‘tired’ and will need a new one if the OP buys it.

And amongst the heartbreaking CoL posts, casual mentions of new graduates in first jobs at £30k, people earning £100k by 30.

And real nastiness to people who have had better luck, chosen different career paths or work/ life balances to earn more or have simply had abilities and talents that enable higher earnings.

The examples given in the post you replied to were paying mortgage, income tax,council tax, utility bills and nursery fees. Which of those do you think can be 'cut back'? Have to pay nursery fees to be able to work. I can't say to the council, can I 'cut back' on my council tax or tell HMRC I'm going to 'cut back' on the tax I pay!

Ya, there's a lot of people who blame poor people for being poor, single mums included. Like this is what they are choosing, it's their choice. It means they can happily carry on without guilt or awareness. It's how dad's can walk away too. Much easier to blame the single mom and carry on than it is to take a closer look. I don't understand it either. And a lot of men will date single mums and not help at all with the kids, which I know is controversial. But at the end of the day, if I saw my partner struggling with even a shopping bag for too long, I'd probably offer to help. Or is the shopping bag his baggage, his tough luck 🤔

I’ve never heard anyone with “millions” tell anybody to “just buy a flat”, and I know plenty of people on both ends of that spectrum.

Are these personal friends, or conversations you just happen to have overheard in public where you seem to know the financial position of those involved, or do you just follow the sort of social media accounts where idiots make a fortune from being idiots?

I do understand that someone earning that much will not be 3 times as well off as someone on say £33,000. But I don’t understand why you have listed things such as council tax, mortgage, childcare, bills etc when someone earning that much has to pay them too! They will be entitled to child benefit but that is all , hardly raking it in!
like many have said, I definitely understand that they may not have lots more disposable income, but what they do have is a greater range of choices, and that is privilege.

This! People are often inclined to distrust things which they have no experience of.
There is so much snobbery and jealousy on here, people have no idea what others have been through but are quick to tell them their opinions of how they live. Why can't we celebrate sucess, build up those who are struggling.
DH and I are fairly comfortable financially, we don't have many 'luxuries' but don't have to worry each month if we will afford our bills. But we both have progressive disabilities, people may look at us from the outside and think we are very fortunate. And in many ways we are, we have freedom, healthcare, free schooling, a secure place to live, a good marriage, amazing children who make us proud every day. But we also have constant pain, and the knowledge that it's only going to get worse. No one else sees that.

I worry about this a little bit with my daughter. I wasn't born into money, had a good work ethic from an early age, then fell into money later in life when my husband got very successful in his company.
My daughter has been brought up very privileged and I worry she'll behave like this as she doesn't know any different. We don't purposely spoil her, but she's naturally spoilt really with everything she has.

Equally there are a lot of people on low incomes or benefits who live counting pennies due to lifestyle decisions they have made.

As PPs mentioned above, there are a lot of people who started very poor but managed to climb up and are well off now. This is the prime group to not understand why those at the bottom can't or won't do the same.

With regards to OP's examples "why don't you buy instead of renting or take a gap year and go travelling" - I've never ever seen this in real life or online. I guess it's just an attempt to start yet another divisive thread.

Exactly, it can mean very different things to different people.

Also it would be hard to understand how some people live when they want to portray themselves as wealthy but it’s all borrowed money….

And if they've got two kids, presumably just keep them in a cupboard or something?

I don't think it's necessarily happening at rich people. Even people on ok incomes can be insensitive to those on less income when it comes to arranging things in a friendship group. People will often suggest things that others obviously can't afford as if it costs nothing. I'm not criticising here. It's just the way it is.

I completely agree with this too.

I/we used to have to count and watch every penny. Having grown up in a single parent family I found it easy, DH found it more difficult - that’s even though outsiders would have seen my background as privileged and his as stereotypical working class (you never know what actual situations are from outside).
Through our occupational success we’ve had about 10 years of not having to penny pinch, although I’m still careful.

A couple of months ago that all changed and were suddenly in a bad financial situation (unforeesable and no-one’s fault). OMG is it hard to go back to counting every penny. Plus we have more expensive outgoings with a bigger house, kids and pets.

You forget how hard it is, even if you have lived it before.

But they aren't the mainstream narratives, they are just the podcasts/influencers you and other people CHOOSE to engage with. I follow Martin Lewis and Feed Your Family for £1 a Day and similar; I think the advice is really good and appropriate. My advice would be that you find different podcasts/influencers to follow. ML is definitely mainstream.

You're forgetting the influence of a peer group that probably doesn't learn this. I've had a lot of friends and colleagues who went to public schools, some of them to very big public schools and what they have in common is that they find people who are broke irritating and genuinely think of themselves as special because they always had plenty of money and the best of everything.

But then does that not mean that when they do finally pay, you have a great week with unexpected income? And then why not save that so that you don’t have the situation again?
That’s the bit I don’t get, doesn’t it all work itself out in the end?

You don't get it, do you? If you can afford to send a child to private school, even if you're doing it on a scholarship, you are not broke. Broke is a different category altogether and until you've been there you don't understand how frightening, depressing and exhausting it is.

This is an interesting example actually.

Assuming both are single and work full time:

• Person on 26k would have £650 left per month after taxes and rent, but they are entitled to £210 per month in benefits, so 860 total. With renting they don't have any renovation/repair costs.
• Person on 70k would have £1760 left after tax and mortgage but also have costs of property maintenance.

So it's only 900 per month difference for almost three times higher salary. Yes, 900 isn't a tiny amount, but still.

Before you jump about having property paid off eventually - yes of course, but benefits will pay rent for the first person when they retire.

But if Vimes had had a rich friend, someone to give him good advice, then he would have borrowed £50 for the good boots and, even paying back at a high 50% interest rate, could have paid them off in seven or so years (probably sooner as we’d expect a pay rise somewhere along the lines, certainly in the modern equivalent). That would have been the rich person’s advice and would have not only given Vimes a great pair of boots, but also saved him a considerable amount of money. I actually did that when i was younger and used to walk to work in all weathers because there was no public transport. My boss asked why didn’t I just borrow the money to buy a bike, and i did which made my 10pm finish commute home feel much safer.

I think it depends if the rich people earned the money themselves or married into it or inherited it. Anyone who had to work to get where they are, no matter how rich, will remember the struggle. I do find that women who have never worked a day in their life can be very judgemental and clueless. As for those who simply inherited...well, they really can't relate at all.

"Rich" is also relative. I also think that by nature, some people just lack empathy and cannot imagine how anyone's life could be different than their own or why anyone would make different choices, etc.

Yes, i've had don't rent get a mortgage, then i say I can't get a mortgage as I can't save a deposit and I have debts, why do you have debts and surely you can put a bit away each month, because I can't afford to live on the money I earn, why not you earn above the minimum wage - I get so frustrated

Im juggling money every month just to keep my head above water, I feel like i'm drowning and when I think I have a handle on it something else comes along and it's like 'ha ha, not this month sista!'

That is the crux of every issue, really, isn’t it - people not caring about anyone else. What a small mindset to have.

It doesnt matter if they earned it personally. Somebody earned it at some point or it wouldn't be there. There isn't such thing as unearned money. Even if they inherited it their parents earned it for them as anyone would for their kids

Agreed. I'm certainly not on £100k, but I earn above the average and I know full well that I am extremely fortunate. Yes, I'm still down to pennies at the end of the month, but if I needed to change that I absolutely could: I could take DD out of her after school clubs, I could start shopping in Iceland and Lidl instead of Sainsburys, I could never get a takeaway coffee, I could stop buying any alcohol, I could cancel my Disney+ subscription... the list goes on. Higher earners often lose sight of what's actually an essential and think that they don't have any spare money when in actual fact, they just spend it on non-essentials.