To think most rich people don’t understand how the rest of us live?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

I keep seeing advice from wealthy people that is completely out of touch with reality - things like “just buy a house instead of renting” or “take a year off to travel and find yourself.” Even when they mean well, there’s a lack of awareness about how difficult things are for the average person. I’m not saying all rich people are like this but it does seem that extreme wealth can create a bubble where they forget what it’s like to struggle.

AIBU to think that most rich people genuinely don’t understand how the rest of us live? Or do you think this is unfair?

Yes, me too. Afterall debt can only be caused by big SUVs, annual holidays, outdoor rattan furniture complete with fake grass, hot tubs (also apparently known as cest pools), and velour furniture, huge tvs, and sofas on MN. Imagine the thought that people need to eat! 🤔

Well the trouble is that it’s often not food but the foreign holiday that people are classing as essential - if you can’t afford the absolute basics it’s one thing but there are an awful lot of people who are just poor at money management and self restraint

I think you're right, OP. I came across that sort of lack of understanding many times when I was younger.

I recall when DH and I bought our first house. It was a very small house on a housing estate, surrounded by other houses all the same design. We were thrilled with it. However, a wealthy friend from church came round for a cuppa one afternoon and commented that she tended to prefer houses that were unique and not just a "box" and she asked why we'd gone for two bedrooms and not three. I said we'd got the best possible house we could afford. She then had the cheek to say, "well I personally wouldn't consider anything with less than five bedrooms"! She lived in an enormous old farmhouse in about 3 acres of garden - and was utterly clueless as to what it was like to be in my situation.

On another occasion, DH and I were invited to a New Year's Eve party by a friend. I accepted verbally and was very excited (as we hardly ever went out anywhere) but then I received the printed invitation and saw that it had a ticket price of £25 per person and a dress code of black tie and dinner jacket for the men and evening dress for ladies. That meant we couldn't possibly go, as not only could we not afford the tickets, we didn't own anything suitable to wear and couldn't afford to rent it. So I had to decline. The friend was quite offended and kept saying that it was really good value and a nice opportunity to dress up. That may well have been true but we simply couldn't afford it.

Nowadays, I find myself in the opposite situation and I am actually now very comfortably off and never have to worry about money. But I haven't forgotten those other times when we were very hard up and I hope that I am never insensitive towards people who have less money than I do.

You can, actually.

Anybody can experience a severe accident, a family member with a disease, redundancy, loss of a partner, employer going bust, loss of a major client, downturn in business. Remember that.

If older, with a good pension, they can dip into it, or take early retirement and work again when things pick up.

It's easier for those who have paid off the mortgage, and have been able to build up a cushion of savings.

A person living hand to mouth has none of those options.

OOI, I have personally experienced all of those things.

But I have been lucky enough to have had some ups as well as some downs.

I don't think we understand each other. You are acting as though I don't want to understand other points of view and I'm telling you that I don't care about what rich people do or don't understand.

Is that clearer?

This!!!

A toolmaker may work in a factory, but they are a highly skilled and well paid engineer. It’s not like his father was packing sausages or sweeping swarf. Just because his parents didn't pay for his education, doesnt mean it wasn't solidly MC to go to grammar and private school on a bursary in a solidly MC commuter belt town. They owned their own home, and had four children, and a TV when they were still seen as a luxury item (we rarely had one, when we did it was rented); I’m ten years younger than Starmer).

That's a daft question given the context

you don’t know what it’s like to live in a care home. You visit your mum in her care home.

if you visited me, it doesn't mean you know what it’s like to be me and live in my house.

I don’t think it’s daft. When I was young, I assumed anyone who had a porch on their house was rich.

” Rich” means different things to different people.

Yes, thank you. It appears i misunderstood. I was confused by your statement you only care about 'your lane', suggesting you have no interest in the experience of those outside it. You followed that by saying that its small minded to care what other people think. Which I took to mean it was small minded to care about wider opinions.

Yes but you'd be paying all this in what is likely to be a much nicer house and car than the rest of us.

Haha. So did I! In my case it came from mishearing my dad referring to an area as posh as so many houses had porsches outside.

people moaning that they can't live on 100k, why not quit and get a min wage job? Oh wait...

Nobody forced you to take out a 4 grand a month mortgage and private school fees?

Quite in the same way as no forced the person in min wage to piss around at school not get any qualifications, and end up serving coffee.

Do you really think thats what all minium wage employees did or do?

Many of them.

I think it depends on upbringing. I was raised with a mixture of middle class parents and moments of financial hardship. I may now be considered very comfortable but I value every penny. I think hard before most purchases and I 100% do realise how tough it is for people.

If people haven’t ever experienced it, they’ll find it harder to relate.

It must be lovely being so naive!

That's not to say we don't need minimum wage employees - they do some important work, but people do to high degree select their route themselves. Oddly for many what they are told about working hard at school to get a good job didn't apply to them at the time.

Showing what a snob you are. Money really doesn't buy class.

Yes this is thoughtless.

When I know someone is watching pennies I always offer to pay for ourselves, and I would definitely prefer (and not mind at all) if they ask to do this and make that clear from the outset.

On the other hand, I have a friend (not actually so badly off at all tbh) who watches what everyone eats and if someone gets even one thing more, she says loudly, in a tone that is both aggrieved and a bit aggressive: "well if that's being added to the bill, I might as well get another drink/ dessert/ coffee as well" every time someone orders something like a coffee.

I guess it irritates me because a) she ought to know by now I don't just split down the middle regardless and b) it makes it clear she's less worried about total spend in and of itself, and mostly worried about the risk of (horror above horrors!!) subsidising someone else, even if it means her paying more to avoid that risk.

It comes across as mean-spirited and to be honest a bit controlling - as though what she really wants is no-one else to have what they want to suit her. I don't know why she doesn't say at the outset something like "Well you take whatever you fancy and don't let me put you off if I skip the starter; I'm watching my expenditure atm," or something.

Because I would never have split it equally when I know someone present is watching their spending and I have never caused her to subsidise others, I always have a slight sadistic pleasure in saying at the end "well, let's all pay for what we ordered shall we!"

So I think its perfectly ok to not want to subsidise others, but there are ways and ways of handling it nicely.

That's not the reason why many people end up in low-paying jobs. The idea that everybody can get rich (or at least comfortable) just by working hard at school is an arrogant assumption that really pisses me off. It's a perfect example of how some rich people feel so entitled and don't understand what life is like for others.

I hadn't said anything about class? I've said hard work at school leads to better outcomes - if that makes me snob, i am a snob, but it would stop me encouraging my kids to ignore the disruptors focus on work and succeed.

Exactly, 100k goes not very far. Many people think everyone lives out in the sticks. Millions have to live in London due to jobs etc. We paid 5.5k in rental, to mortgage in our area would be double that. That’s the average in our very large area. I’m sure many can’t understand that.