Family wedding

[YourUmberFox]

I really need to see if im being a bitch here. DH's uncle was married at the weekend. Small wedding, mostly older crowd, irish but not big drinkers. I'm 5 months pregnant and have a 4 year old boy just to preface. So we agreed before we left that I'd head up to bed early and DS could play with his cousins until his dad was ready to bring him up. Meaning DH would have to remain sober enough to mind him. As I was heading to bed DS said he was tired too and wanted to come with. I didn't want to make DH leave so early so I said he could come with me and I also took one of the cousins who is 7 months so everyone could enjoy themselves. 2 hours later I asked DH to collect baby cousin from the room so I could get some sleep. (Baby had been napping on hotel bed up to this point and I was afraid I'd fall asleep myself) DH says "On the way". 40 minutes later there's still no sign so I ring again. He arrives up to collect her very drunk. So I get baby into buggy and send them off. DH says he's calling it a night soon. An hour passes and I assume he's stuck chatting to someone and send him a quick text asking him to bring a drink when he comes back to the room. No answer. About 20 mins later DS wakes up, confused and looking for his daddy. I ring DH no answer. I text SIL to say can you send him my way. She's says ok. Another 30 minutes pass and DS is inconsolable. 20 minutes later DS finally cries himself to sleep. I ring BIL and finally speak to DH. He says he's coming up. Another 40 mins I ring again. I'm parched with the thirst at this point and DH answers the phone screaming at me that im ruining the wedding for him. I can hear how drunk he is so I told him to sleep in BIL's room and give me some space until morning. It's the next morning now and im being told I have no respect for him or how hard he works because I'm a SAHM. I think I was reasonable considering the arrangement we had previous to arriving. AIBU??

What was the problem with him staying up with his family? You could have settled DS yourself and I’m sure you would have had access to drinks in the room.

Sorry OP, I think you’re being unreasonable. He should have been straighter with you that he wanted to stay at wedding party longer, but I don’t see why he needed to come back to the room since all the kids had been taken care of (aside, I wouldn’t have given a 7 month old baby to a drunk man).

I also think YABU using your son’s upset as ammunition. Tell him daddy is at a party – end of.

Also confused about the water. Assuming you had a tap in the hotel room.

Screaming at you is horrible but why couldn’t he stay and enjoy the wedding.

Is it a one-off? If so, leave it. He got drunker than he intended, some muppet was in his ear and he turned into a twat. Let him sober up and tell him how upset you are then move on.

If it's in anyway a pattern disregard everything I said above.

My DH never gets drunk or takes me for granted. A few years ago we were at an Irish wedding of my friends, not his. He got absolutely steaming. Our baby was with us and worse I was suffering appalling cancer symptoms. He was begging me to stay up for a late one, dancing very badly, couldn't take jai hands off me then when I finally dragged him upstairs he turned on all the lights and music, woke the baby up then passed out while I dealt with her for the next hour cursing him.

Honestly we laugh about it now because I was so mad and he was so sorry. Plus it's not like him at all.

Does your DH have form for this?

I m sorry but i think you were very unreasonable.
yes you had an arrangement, so what? Things change and you must adapt.
what does that mean your son was inconsolable because his dad wasnt there?

you ve been guilt tripping hour husband, and not parent your son properly as he was unconsolable his dad wasnt there? Your DH came when you asked him to to collect the baby cousin. As from a deink of water, why cant you drink the tap? I live in ireland and i drink water from the tap.

sorry but i do think you were wrong. You should have call it a day and let him have his fun especially if he works hard.
many times at party i go to bed before my husband. We both work hard (i was a SAHM for a long time but now back at work full time for 5 yrs) and it s nice to let your hair down sometimes. And it is his family.

apologise to him.

Is he an OK husband apart from this? Because getting drunk at a family wedding doesn't sound like a massive deal.

Not sure why you needed him to be running around collecting kids that aren't his, fetching you drinks, and comforting an inconsolable DS.

Just get yourself and DS to bed and let him get on with it, honestly. And involving your SIL was completely off.

this all feels very over the top
why couldn’t you have settled DS instead of your DH? I can’t believe in a hotel there were no drinks or access to them
to be fair if DS wasn’t settling I would have taken him back down and made the most of the party / got a drink etc rather than stayed in a room all night

I don’t understand why you were even calling him, hotel rooms have water in them to drink, why couldn’t you settle your dc? The whole point was he could have fun?

He was at a family wedding. From the look of it you rang him, and other family members, at least 7 times in the evening.

why? Let him enjoy it! If you were that desperate for a drink then there’s room service or tap water!

I think you owe him an apology.

Sorry, another one not really getting the issue. I mean I don’t love it when my husband drinks more than he should on a night like that but if it’s just normal letting his hair down once in a while it’s no biggie. I don’t understand why your son was so upset at all. I think you have overreacted.

I’m not a drinker at all. I never drink. But it was an Irish family wedding. He was enjoying himself.

I don’t see the big deal.

You offered/agreed to go to bed with the other child.

Why couldn’t you have brought a drink with you or got a glass of water? I’ve been a lot of hotels due to work travel and they all have water bottles and a tap.

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable, sorry.
He was enjoying his uncle’s wedding and you were happy to go up to bed with your son. I don’t think it was fair to keep texting/ringing him. I’d have just assumed he was enjoying himself. Also, why did he have to be there to comfort his son? Why was he inconsolable if you were there?
I would be pissed off if he belittled me for being a sahm.

Why on earth did you have to contact him and others so much, it sounds very controlling.

To answer your question, you were being a bitch to him.
Why could you not settle your 4 year old yourself? You knew your husband was drunk when he collected the baby, did you really expect him to settle your upset child when he came back?
And to make him sleep with his bil was petty, you haven't made yourself look good to his family.
He was drinking with his family, enjoying himself, such a shame to end the night like it did, very unnecessary.
Apologise and move on.

I can’t quite make sense of this - you sent him off with a seven month baby when he was drunk? Or did I misread?

Then your son cried himself to sleep, when you could have just said: “Dad’s enjoying the party, you’ll see him later/in the morning.” And you were parched but didn’t think to get yourself a drink from the tap?

As I say, I can’t quite make sense of this. But if the upshot is that he got pissed at a family wedding and shouted, then the first is forgivable and for the latter he owes you an apology. It doesn’t seem that much of a big deal. You’re not a bitch but the fact that you were being the caregiver and are pregnant meant you couldn’t let your hair down and I understand that is a bit of a pain, so if you’re feeling a bit hard done by then I do understand that too.

You could of sorted ds yourself and let dh enjoy his family wedding. You sound a bit controlling with all the phone calls - you could also of gotten yourself a drink?

YABU.

I get it, being the sober one while pregnant at a wedding can be boring. Your DH still being allowed to have a good time can feel frustrating.

But… why were you trying to end his evening early? Bring you a drink - why? Drink from the tap.

Inconsolable 4 year old… again, does this need both of you to solve?

This doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with your being a SAHM - more you not enjoying a wedding sober, wanting to go to bed early, and then being intolerant of him then enjoying the party without you.

@YourUmberFox YABU. It was a family wedding
You're perfectly capable of settling a 4 year old yourself and should have been responsible making sure you had a drink.

As you didnt have a drink then you could have just put some clothes on and taken your child to go and get one as he wasnt asleep.

Massive over reaction and I can see why your DH is pissed off.

You are completely unreasonable. You didnt need to take someone else's baby for a start! Looks like you were just acting spoilt and trying to ruin a family wedding for him.
Is your DS normally so clingy to him?

Not sure why you were "parched with thirst either", aren't you capable of getting yourself a drink of water?

It’s his family’s wedding, a special occasion, I don’t see why you couldn’t just let him enjoy himself for one night and let him be. Obviously he shouldn’t have screamed at you, and should have been straight from the start that he wanted to stay up and enjoy himself, but if you’re always this rigid on things like this I can see why he probably just hoped you’d fall asleep and not bother him. (I mean that as kindly as possible).
It seems you wanted to go to bed extremely early if you were planning to leave before a 4yo, but I think you should have just left DH to enjoy himself with his family. I’m sure you could have just got some water from the tap, or prepared drinks to take to the room as you’d planned your early evening. And settled your son yourself. I’d have been pretty pissed off in his circumstances too. Obviously different if a weekly occurrence, but a special occasion, let him enjoy himself.

Also why not ring the actual parents of the 7month old?

Is this normal behaviour for your husband? Screaming and shouting at you. If it is, then you have a problem, far bigger than a wedding. You both made arrangements, and at some point your husband decided he wanted to stay longer at the wedding party - nothing wrong in that but he failed to tell you. If he'd brought you water, sorted out your child's cousin out first, then he could have gone back to the party uninterrupted. Instead, he stalled, saying 'he'd be there shortly', 'he was calling it a night', when he has absolutely no intentions of doing so. When you got upset, he shouted/screamed at you for ruining his time at the wedding. No, he ruined it himself, by not being honest with you. However, common sense should have kicked in for you, reading your post through, wasn't it obvious to you that your husband wasn't interested in coming to bed?!!! He'd made several statements that he was 'coming up', and didn't appear. I'd have rung another family member to collect the other child, and rung reception to ask for a glass and used the tap water out of the bathroom sink. In different ways you are both to blame - you didn't read the very obvious signals and your husband was a twat for not being honest and shouting.