Family wedding

[YourUmberFox]

I really need to see if im being a bitch here. DH's uncle was married at the weekend. Small wedding, mostly older crowd, irish but not big drinkers. I'm 5 months pregnant and have a 4 year old boy just to preface. So we agreed before we left that I'd head up to bed early and DS could play with his cousins until his dad was ready to bring him up. Meaning DH would have to remain sober enough to mind him. As I was heading to bed DS said he was tired too and wanted to come with. I didn't want to make DH leave so early so I said he could come with me and I also took one of the cousins who is 7 months so everyone could enjoy themselves. 2 hours later I asked DH to collect baby cousin from the room so I could get some sleep. (Baby had been napping on hotel bed up to this point and I was afraid I'd fall asleep myself) DH says "On the way". 40 minutes later there's still no sign so I ring again. He arrives up to collect her very drunk. So I get baby into buggy and send them off. DH says he's calling it a night soon. An hour passes and I assume he's stuck chatting to someone and send him a quick text asking him to bring a drink when he comes back to the room. No answer. About 20 mins later DS wakes up, confused and looking for his daddy. I ring DH no answer. I text SIL to say can you send him my way. She's says ok. Another 30 minutes pass and DS is inconsolable. 20 minutes later DS finally cries himself to sleep. I ring BIL and finally speak to DH. He says he's coming up. Another 40 mins I ring again. I'm parched with the thirst at this point and DH answers the phone screaming at me that im ruining the wedding for him. I can hear how drunk he is so I told him to sleep in BIL's room and give me some space until morning. It's the next morning now and im being told I have no respect for him or how hard he works because I'm a SAHM. I think I was reasonable considering the arrangement we had previous to arriving. AIBU??

Yes its definitely a pattern which is why it felt so dishonest. He said he would not get drunk and then as soon as I left he started on spirits. I'm a really reasonable person but he'd rather ask for forgiveness than be upfront

I think it would not have killed him to bring you a drink. But I am also not sure how you could not manage your own son?

What would you have done if you needed the toilet? Have him carry you there?

I cant work out if he is this much trouble why on earth you would have another child with him, why put up with all this then?

I had run to the toilet when he came to collect baby cousin as I wasn't comfortable leaving ds alone in the room. He was asleep ar this stage. He never looks for his dad at night he was just over tired and in a new place and confused. All things I could have prepared for it he said at any point he wanted to stay but he kept saying he was on the way

And all I had in the room with me was my heels.

So you didn’t even have any drinks or snacks for your 4 year old? why didn’t you have provisions with you if you were planning on staying overnight?

why didn’t you take anything with you? Did you even take change of clothes etc? Toys/bedding for the 4 year old? Nothing?

I think that's why I downplayed it in my first post cause I know its not good enough and I don't want to look stupid

This!

The cousin should have been sent back to their own parents and I’d have left DH to enjoy his night.

I would have always taken the 4 year old for dh family celebration. And he would do the same for me if my side.

Annoying he was drunk. Also annoying no drink for you in room.

You shouldn't have been constantly calling him though, you should have realised he was enjoying himself and left him to it. You and ds did not need him, makes no sense to cut his evening short. And he should do the same for you at times.

PP: Ye you're being super unreasonable..

OP: let me drip feed some stuff to make me look better

Nah, you're still unreasonable. Your DS was awake so take him to get a drink, the walk might have helped. A 4 year old shouldn't be crying themself to sleep just because Daddy isn't there anyway

You just sound more controlling in your updates, tbh.

Your 4yo would have been fine asleep for a minute while you went to the bathroom. He also really didn’t need his dad to come up, that’s just emotional manipulation.

YABU for not letting your DH get drunk at a family wedding.

This makes you sound as thought you may be a bit controlling.

So from your update, it sounds like your DH is nasty and abusive when drunk. That's the real problem.

You not being able to get yourself a glass of water and comfort your son sounds like you're acting helpless to try and control his behaviour.

It's going to be horrible for yout DS to grow up with that dynamic. With another one on the way too.

Sounds like you need to be honest about the real problem here.

Its ridiculous that you didnt just tell your child Daddy is out for the night and won't be back.

He was at a family wedding you shouldve allowed him to be written off. You are not some damsel in distress you're a full grown woman and mother who should've had the capacity to function for 1 evening.

Why didn't you just leave him to it? Yabu

I meant in terms of shoes. I had our bags but did not pack drinks and snacks as we were not told before hand that it was not a normal room. I was wearing my flats on the way amd changed into my heels in the car so my flats were in the car in the car park. I think its coming across that I wanted dh to stay in the room. I just wanted him to bring a drink and stick his head in until ds fell back asleep. My issue is him getting drunker than we agreed when my back was turned

Well that's a different story...

In that case I personally would have taken the car keys and my son and driven home!

Being drunk isnt an excuse for being nasty. It's not excusable and I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

He’s a grown man, he shouldn’t have to sign a contract as to how many drinks he’ll have at a family wedding. I’m sure there were ways to fix your issues with your son crying/needing a drink but you were using them as excuses to be able to constantly contact your husband.

If his behaviour when he drinks isn’t acceptable you need to either leave him or tell him to get help but you constantly trying to micromanage any situation that involves alcohol isn’t going to solve anything.

So you left your flats in the car even though you can't walk around in your heels? What were you going to do this morning? Why did you leave shoes in the car when you had a room anyway?

The 'SAHM' comment will obviously get people on your side as your know.

But apart from that YABU.

It comes across as though you just didn't want him to enjoy the night because you couldn't.

About 20 mins later DS wakes up, confused and looking for his daddy. I ring DH no answer.

"He's still at the wedding love. Go back to sleep and you'll see him in the morning".

I'm sure you could've coped with tap water?

Come on, don’t pick holes in OP’s tragic tale….

Five phonecalls and texts to three people (?) over nothing in particular is excessive.
When was your back turned?

His family must think you are a
right one
You sound very controlling