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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family wedding

121 replies

YourUmberFox · 07/09/2025 09:11

I really need to see if im being a bitch here. DH's uncle was married at the weekend. Small wedding, mostly older crowd, irish but not big drinkers. I'm 5 months pregnant and have a 4 year old boy just to preface. So we agreed before we left that I'd head up to bed early and DS could play with his cousins until his dad was ready to bring him up. Meaning DH would have to remain sober enough to mind him. As I was heading to bed DS said he was tired too and wanted to come with. I didn't want to make DH leave so early so I said he could come with me and I also took one of the cousins who is 7 months so everyone could enjoy themselves. 2 hours later I asked DH to collect baby cousin from the room so I could get some sleep. (Baby had been napping on hotel bed up to this point and I was afraid I'd fall asleep myself) DH says "On the way". 40 minutes later there's still no sign so I ring again. He arrives up to collect her very drunk. So I get baby into buggy and send them off. DH says he's calling it a night soon. An hour passes and I assume he's stuck chatting to someone and send him a quick text asking him to bring a drink when he comes back to the room. No answer. About 20 mins later DS wakes up, confused and looking for his daddy. I ring DH no answer. I text SIL to say can you send him my way. She's says ok. Another 30 minutes pass and DS is inconsolable. 20 minutes later DS finally cries himself to sleep. I ring BIL and finally speak to DH. He says he's coming up. Another 40 mins I ring again. I'm parched with the thirst at this point and DH answers the phone screaming at me that im ruining the wedding for him. I can hear how drunk he is so I told him to sleep in BIL's room and give me some space until morning. It's the next morning now and im being told I have no respect for him or how hard he works because I'm a SAHM. I think I was reasonable considering the arrangement we had previous to arriving. AIBU??

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 07/09/2025 09:37

Did your room not have a tap ?

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 07/09/2025 09:42

Didimum · 07/09/2025 09:17

Sorry OP, I think you’re being unreasonable. He should have been straighter with you that he wanted to stay at wedding party longer, but I don’t see why he needed to come back to the room since all the kids had been taken care of (aside, I wouldn’t have given a 7 month old baby to a drunk man).

I also think YABU using your son’s upset as ammunition. Tell him daddy is at a party – end of.

Also confused about the water. Assuming you had a tap in the hotel room.

This. I think while it was kind of you to mind the DC initially you were quite unfair in the process tbh. It didn't need both of you to put DS to bed and it didn't need another adult to get you a drink. If DS was awake anyway you could have even taken him with you to buy a drink of for some reason you can't drink tap water.

You sound purposefully helpless.

Complet · 07/09/2025 09:45

I find this a bit shocking. You are being controlling, emotionally manipulative, and you let your own son cry himself to sleep rather than console him.

PollyBell · 07/09/2025 09:49

He shouldn't have shouted but you are adult i dont see why you couldn't have told your child where he was ans moved on, it dodnt need to have been a drama

And i sont see why he couldn't have just been left to it why did you need to keep on contacting him if it was reversed and my husband did this to me i would have explained i was not a child

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/09/2025 09:51

I’m as confused by why you couldn’t get your son to sleep or yourself a glass of water as everyone else. Is there something you’re not explaining? Do you not usually put your own son to bed?

Myhairissopoofy · 07/09/2025 09:52

You were hugely unreasonable to give a 7 month old baby to a drunk man

Mathsdebator · 07/09/2025 09:53

Completely unreasonable of you. You should have called the parents of the cousin to collect and then gone to sleep if you were tired.

You acted in a ridiculous manner, I'd have been embarrassed to have been ringing him constantly when he was at the wedding.

sandyhappypeople · 07/09/2025 09:53

It all sounds so overblown, why did you need your DH to put your son to sleep?

why did you need him for a drink?

why didn’t you contact the babies parents to collect them?

Myhairissopoofy · 07/09/2025 09:54

And it sounds like a case of ‘I can’t have as mych fun because I’m pregnant, so you can’t either’

jujitsugrant · 07/09/2025 09:57

I do have empathy for you and I can see why you were fed up. Weddings are tiring especially when your are pregnant and caring for a 4 year old. I've been pregnant 3 times and have no patience for when my husband drinks during those times. He's not a big drinker or anything but its just annoying (and I dont like missing out). But I can recognise its partly due to pregnancy!

I certainly can see how this would have ended up as an argument about him getting carried away but it should have just been that then the next day some tired hungover apologies.

However I think you were being really unreasonable invloving anyone else and particulary his family at a family event.

You took your son up to bed so he assumed you'd both be sleeping he can let loose and enjoy time with his family.

You offered to take someone's child up to the room to mind then then only 40 mins later demanding they come and take the children away. Why offer in the first place? Just let the child sleep in the pram and snooze beside them until they are collected.

Your son is four and inconsolable? Let him watch TV or something for a while and relax with a cup of tea. Its not the end of the world for one night, routines are out the window anyway.

Ring down and ask reception to have water sent up as you are with a sleeping child if there is no water in the room or you don't want to drink the tap water. I do understand this one as find hotel rooms (especially in Ireland) so stuffy so I always have extra water.

But I do think you have embarrassed him and the phone calls alone would have been the talk of the wedding. Sending him to someone elses room for getting drunk. Now they hage an extra person in the room that they probably paid alot for not fair.

Im Irish so perhaps there are cultural differences that I am not aware of here but you were over the top.

DaisyChain505 · 07/09/2025 09:57

It was his family wedding. I would be pissed if the roles were reversed and it was my family wedding so DH was back at the room with the kids and he kept phoning and bothering me. it just gives bitter vibes. You were in the room with the kids, there was no need for both of you to be there and you should have left him to enjoy the wedding.

You added more stress to your night by taking the 7 month old and it sounds like you probably did it so you had an excuse to bother your husband and get him back to the room.

Using your son waking up and asking where Daddy is as emotional blackmail is not cool. You are his parent and could have handled the situation.

VintedoreBay · 07/09/2025 09:57

You'd be p*ed off too if you were were on the receiving end of all those needy phone calls while out celebrating a milestone occasion with family.

Settle your son.
Turn the tap on to get yourself a drink (or open the bottle of water that will inevitably be in your room).
Tell your DH to enjoy his night.

Are you usually this highly strung?

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 07/09/2025 09:58

Complet · 07/09/2025 09:45

I find this a bit shocking. You are being controlling, emotionally manipulative, and you let your own son cry himself to sleep rather than console him.

Yeah, I completely agree with this.
You were being utterly ridiculous and I'd have got pissed off with the constant phone calls too
Can't believe you didn't just tell your child that Daddy was busy and get him back to sleep!

sesquipedalian · 07/09/2025 09:58

OP, forty minutes to collect the baby was not reasonable - but after that, why could you not leave him be? As for drinks, come on: you can get your own! If you wanted to leave the wedding reception early but he was having a good time with his family, leave him be. And your son must have to get used to the fact that Daddy is away occasionally.

VintedoreBay · 07/09/2025 09:59

Myhairissopoofy · 07/09/2025 09:52

You were hugely unreasonable to give a 7 month old baby to a drunk man

Irresponsible!

legsekeven · 07/09/2025 10:00

I don’t think the op is coming back. Op talk to your husband about last night and don’t let it fester. Agree to better communication going forward. Enjoy the after party today if there is one

luckylavender · 07/09/2025 10:00

NotoriousABC · 07/09/2025 09:15

What was the problem with him staying up with his family? You could have settled DS yourself and I’m sure you would have had access to drinks in the room.

This

luckylavender · 07/09/2025 10:00

VintedoreBay · 07/09/2025 09:59

Irresponsible!

Show quote history

Also this

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 07/09/2025 10:02

Cannot understand why you kept telling him to come up? And the child screaming is being ridiculous, you just tell him dad is downstairs with the family and will be up later, and to go back to sleep.

The baby’s parents should have come to get him/her

thereneverwasacloudyday · 07/09/2025 10:04

You were 'parched with the thirst'? Really? 🤔

Surely AI can do better than that😂

On the off chance you're serious, YABU. It was his uncle's wedding. Why you were insisting you both had to leave to watch the children sleep is baffling.

Original poster
YourUmberFox · 07/09/2025 10:05

Ok, a little more context. I have a tendency to downplay things when it comes to DH. I had no issue with him staying. The hotel we were in was like a guesthouse moreso. We had a communal bathroom between 5 rooms down the hall. And was about a 3 minute walk to main reception area so no access to bar or usual hotel amenities. And all I had in the room with me was my heels. If he had said at any point he wanted to stay I would have said fine just drop me a drink. My issue was moreso with how drunk he was. Spirits do not agree with him and turn him nasty and he waited until i was gone to drink vodka after saying he wouldn't. I did console my son he was snuggled up to me the whole time but he just wanted his dad. 4 year olds are not very reasonable. I asked him to stay with his brother because his brother had a spare bed and I knew he would be nasty after the vodka. When he came back he was shouting so much he woke the child back up and then told me he could do what he liked because I don't earn any money and didn't pay for the room.

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 07/09/2025 10:06

You were being a real agg. Ringing round family members?!

Arlanymor · 07/09/2025 10:06

And sending him to sleep in your BIL’s room is really selfish. Was BIL fine with this? Was there even space for your DH? I’d be properly narked if I had to accommodate an extra person in my hotel room just because their partner got cross that they had drank too much and they’d had a spat. I paid for that room for me and at the end of a long night I’d want to be on my own to relax!

Original poster
YourUmberFox · 07/09/2025 10:10

DaisyChain505 · 07/09/2025 09:57

It was his family wedding. I would be pissed if the roles were reversed and it was my family wedding so DH was back at the room with the kids and he kept phoning and bothering me. it just gives bitter vibes. You were in the room with the kids, there was no need for both of you to be there and you should have left him to enjoy the wedding.

You added more stress to your night by taking the 7 month old and it sounds like you probably did it so you had an excuse to bother your husband and get him back to the room.

Using your son waking up and asking where Daddy is as emotional blackmail is not cool. You are his parent and could have handled the situation.

Edited

I was asked to take baby for a while as music was so loud. Dh was sober when he dropped her off and said ill collect her in an hour. Baby's mother was well aware of how drunk he was when she was collected and sent him up instead of coming herself

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 07/09/2025 10:12

Sorry but I do think you were unreasonable. Sounds like the arrangement was that he watched the 4 year old until he was ready for bed, and the 4 year old went up to bed with you. I'd have expected the parent of the baby to collect them, not your husband and I don't see why you couldn't get a drink yourself?