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Original poster

Teenage daughter harassed by ex’s new girlfriend

109 replies

FCat · 07/09/2025 08:47

morning, looking for advice please. Midnight last night some random girl knocked on our door asking to speak to my daughter. Turns out my daughter’s ex boyfriend had driven her over to confront my daughter for phoning him. They split up last year but have unfortunately kept in touch here and there. Now it appears he has a new girlfriend. The relationship wasn’t ideal, my daughter was only 16 when they got together, usual story: didn’t like her friends, didn’t like her going out, accusing her or cheating, etc etc, eventually split up and ever since then he still keeps tabs on her through mutual acquaintances - still accuses her of dating others (not that it’s any of his business now), has turned up at her part time job to have a go at some lad he’s accused her of dating. When they split he screen shot her personal messages and sent them to friends, coworkers, etc. One time he also drove her around in his car at that time in the middle of the night, refusing to take her home, getting mates, a sibling etc to scream abuse at her down the phone. Until now we have let it slide, my daughter is leaving for uni in the next few days so we’d hoped this would be the end of it. However this morning, I am fuming and as you can imagine barely slept - I am torn between bashing on his door this morning (he lives with parents still) and giving him what for, or reporting last nights incident to the police. I am spitting at the midnight visit, made worse that the girlfriend knocked on the door whilst he loitered like a coward down the path. Or do I leave it as she leaves in a few days anyway, and my daughter doesn’t want me to make it worse? I’m not even sure if the police will be interested - it is all recorded on my cameras. But right now, doing nothing makes me feel useless

OP posts:
EchoedSilence · 07/09/2025 08:50

I'd phone the police. It's harassment.

Hysterectomynext · 07/09/2025 08:52

Yes I agree. Police because it could get worse. He sounds dangerous. Let him know that each and every time he does anything to your daughter, you will go to the police and look for him

londongirl12 · 07/09/2025 08:52

I’m not sure the police will do anything about last night. She needs to block him on everything, why is she still engaging with him if he’s been that awful?

Goodadvice1980 · 07/09/2025 08:54

Good grief, this sounds unhinged OP! The ex clearly loves drama and winding current gfs up over your dd/his ex.

I would report it to the police and let them have the footage as evidence. I am cringing at the new gf behaving like this over such a turd of a bloke 🙄

Hopefully things will be better for your dd when she’s at uni. She needs to block her ex and any mutual flying monkeys as well.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 07/09/2025 08:55

yup, police.

PropertyD · 07/09/2025 08:55

She needs to stop speaking to him. What does she want to do after this latest incident? She sounds lacking in confidence so needs to get away from
this prat

DaisyChain505 · 07/09/2025 08:57

She needs to stop interacting with him for one.

Coffeeishot · 07/09/2025 08:58

EchoedSilence · 07/09/2025 08:50

I'd phone the police. It's harassment.

Yes this,

FakingItEasy · 07/09/2025 08:59

Why has she not blocked him at least? I agree, report it to the police. Even if they don't do anything, it'll be on file for future incidents, whether that's involving your daughter or another poor girl. He sounds awful.

StubbyBoardman7 · 07/09/2025 08:59

Police. They need to know everything, not just last night. Last thing she wants is him turning up at uni and going mad at every person he meets until he finds her.

Theunamedcat · 07/09/2025 09:00

Definitely police and is she still engaging with him? He should be blocked everywhere

Really the police should have been called when he was sending screenshots of personal messages out

pestowithwalnuts · 07/09/2025 09:00

Does he know that she's going to Uni and which one it is ?
The less info he has on her movements the better.
He sounds unhinged.

NoPrivateSpy · 07/09/2025 09:01

Do you know his parents? It’s hard to tell from the outside how worried your daughter is about his behaviour but a word to his parents to explain and a heads up about the consequences of going to the police might help. And then he gets blocked on everything when she goes away.

is the university far away?

SmallChild · 07/09/2025 09:03

Agree with PP she needs to block him, also report to police even just to go on file. He sounds nasty.

Coffeeishot · 07/09/2025 09:04

She probably hasn't blocked him because she is young and tangled up in.the drama of it all, which is a real shame her self esteem and confidence has likely taken such a dive that this ex and his carry on gives her a boost.

Robin67 · 07/09/2025 09:04

Report it all to the police. It is harassment. It will help build a case against him in the future if he persists and may make the police take him more seriously if he does this to anyone girl.

Whyherewego · 07/09/2025 09:06

DD needs to block him and never speak to him again.
Agree with PP, this is harassment but I am guessing your DD won't want to take this further? Unfortunately the harassment last night is the new gf rather than the ex, he rather cleverly didn't get involved other than driving.
In any case I'd save a copy of the doorbell footage and write down the sequence of events. And then at least you have all the evidence ready.
Agree with PP hopefully he doesn't know where she's off to? If he does then I'd definitely encourage her to file a police report

KnittingOnEmpty · 07/09/2025 09:06

Were you still up at midnight? Did you go to the door too? .
What a piece of shit that lad is, now using new girlfriend to do his dirty work. Yuk

I would be tempted to go and hammer on his door and wake the weasel up but he's probably spawned from an equally nasty family.

Sicario · 07/09/2025 09:13

I suggest you have a serious conversation with your daughter about boundaries and what a healthy relationship looks like.

She needs to block this oaf and any other non-friends from her contacts and social media.

Talk to her about personal autonomy - that nobody is the boss of her and that nobody tells her what she can and can't do.

Personally, I would be going and knocking on that door right now and making it clear that if he or his girlfriend ever make threats against your daughter again you will be reporting them to the police. Then report him anyway.

There is only one kind of language people like that understand.

DorothyStorm · 07/09/2025 09:15

Sicario · 07/09/2025 09:13

I suggest you have a serious conversation with your daughter about boundaries and what a healthy relationship looks like.

She needs to block this oaf and any other non-friends from her contacts and social media.

Talk to her about personal autonomy - that nobody is the boss of her and that nobody tells her what she can and can't do.

Personally, I would be going and knocking on that door right now and making it clear that if he or his girlfriend ever make threats against your daughter again you will be reporting them to the police. Then report him anyway.

There is only one kind of language people like that understand.

All of this.

Ratafia · 07/09/2025 09:25

Unless your daughter blocks him everywhere, I'm not sure how much the police will do. That isn't necessarily a reason not to report him, because it needs to be on record, but really blocking needs to be the first step.

Coffeeishot · 07/09/2025 09:30

Ratafia · 07/09/2025 09:25

Unless your daughter blocks him everywhere, I'm not sure how much the police will do. That isn't necessarily a reason not to report him, because it needs to be on record, but really blocking needs to be the first step.

I know it seems black and white to us but I really think it isn't that clear for teenagers especially those who have been enmeshed in a coercive relationship, I think reporting him first might help her to block him.

EchoedSilence · 07/09/2025 09:31

The police will advise her to block him.

Coffeeishot · 07/09/2025 09:33

EchoedSilence · 07/09/2025 09:31

The police will advise her to block him.

Yes this.

financialcareerstuff · 07/09/2025 09:34

I’m sorry your daughter is going through this.

… but it makes me uncomfortable that your title implies it is his new girlfriend who is the problem and the main harasser. When actually it is the ex who has been clearly abusive on an ongoing basis. And this is one last example of that. He has now used his new girlfriend (who is probably also being manipulated/abused) as a tool for his continuing harassment - probably telling her god knows what to fire her up and drive her to your home.

why is your title blaming the other young woman? It is not harassment to turn up on someone’s doorstep once. Whereas the ex is clearly abusive and harassing on a repeated, ongoing basis, using multiple different tactics. Can we please put the responsibility on the man it belongs to please?

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