FCat
morning, looking for advice please.
Call the police.
https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/beta-stalking-and-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/
You need to teach your child not to engage with abusive ex partners and to teach her to recognise abuse and to reject it.
She needs to send one message to inform him to stop contacting her and that she is blocking him.
Then she needs to block his direct access and remove any of his friends who have access to her SM.
You can help by getting the police involved and following their advice and contacting other hepllines of you are not happy with the police advise https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#get-help-and-support
Midnight last night some random girl knocked on our door asking to speak to my daughter.
Not random a girl minipulated by someone who is dangerous.
Turns out my daughter’s ex boyfriend had driven her over to confront my daughter for phoning him.
Your child is still in contact with a dangerous abusive man.
Why are you and all your wider family and friends not teaching her that abusive men are a waste of time?
They split up last year but have unfortunately kept in touch here and there.
Why is she still in contact?
What have your family been saying or doing that DD thinks contacting him is a reasonable idea.
Was she contacting him or being prompted into replying to something he said or did?
Now it appears he has a new girlfriend.
A girl who has been minipulated into going to a strangers house late at night. She having no idea of who else was there or how they may react to her actions was driven there by him while he watched the drama in the background.
The relationship wasn’t ideal, my daughter was only 16 when they got together, usual story: didn’t like her friends, didn’t like her going out, accusing her or cheating, etc etc,
Classic tick list to ID a control by an abusive partner
eventually split up and ever since then he still keeps tabs on her through mutual acquaintances
Stalking via spying
- still accuses her of dating others (not that it’s any of his business now),
Harassment of her personal relationships
has turned up at her part time job to have a go at some lad he’s accused her of dating.
Stalking her at a known location
Harassment of her by disrupting employment
Threatening and harassment of others
When they split he screen shot her personal messages and sent them to friends, coworkers, etc.
Sorry but why o why have you not explained that this is an unforgivable abusive act of a nutjob?
One time he also drove her around in his car at that time in the middle of the night, refusing to take her home,
After they broke up and she knew he sent the messages she got in a car with him?
He then held her captive for a period of time
And you knew and did not think to report this to the police?
getting mates, a sibling etc to scream abuse at her down the phone.
His sibling and mates are scum supporting and participating in abuse and your daughter still contacts him?
Why?
Why did you not say he is a dangerous nutjob?
That your daughter should not accept being kidnapped is a normal thing to happen?
Why were you not bringing her down to the police station and filing charges?
Until now we have let it slide,
You should not have let it slide you need to get a court enforceable order to prevent him turning up or getting others to turn up with him or on his behalf
https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence
I leave it as she leaves in a few days anyway, and my daughter doesn’t want me to make it worse?
What is worse?
Battered?
Raped?
Murdered?
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5403475-latest-femicide-census-published
Your child is going off to Uni but has not learned skills she will need to protect herself.
MN has lots of threads of women supporting and educating women who are being abused check the relationship section for help on how to teach your child about cutting abusive people from her life.