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Original poster

Teenage daughter harassed by ex’s new girlfriend

109 replies

FCat · 07/09/2025 08:47

morning, looking for advice please. Midnight last night some random girl knocked on our door asking to speak to my daughter. Turns out my daughter’s ex boyfriend had driven her over to confront my daughter for phoning him. They split up last year but have unfortunately kept in touch here and there. Now it appears he has a new girlfriend. The relationship wasn’t ideal, my daughter was only 16 when they got together, usual story: didn’t like her friends, didn’t like her going out, accusing her or cheating, etc etc, eventually split up and ever since then he still keeps tabs on her through mutual acquaintances - still accuses her of dating others (not that it’s any of his business now), has turned up at her part time job to have a go at some lad he’s accused her of dating. When they split he screen shot her personal messages and sent them to friends, coworkers, etc. One time he also drove her around in his car at that time in the middle of the night, refusing to take her home, getting mates, a sibling etc to scream abuse at her down the phone. Until now we have let it slide, my daughter is leaving for uni in the next few days so we’d hoped this would be the end of it. However this morning, I am fuming and as you can imagine barely slept - I am torn between bashing on his door this morning (he lives with parents still) and giving him what for, or reporting last nights incident to the police. I am spitting at the midnight visit, made worse that the girlfriend knocked on the door whilst he loitered like a coward down the path. Or do I leave it as she leaves in a few days anyway, and my daughter doesn’t want me to make it worse? I’m not even sure if the police will be interested - it is all recorded on my cameras. But right now, doing nothing makes me feel useless

OP posts:
gotmyknickersinatwist · 07/09/2025 13:40

Hopefully the police will call at his house to speak to him when his parents are there.

Nestingbirds · 07/09/2025 13:41

Way too often I see serious abuse, control and behaviour that no adult would ever accept continue in plain sight in teen relationships. It’s really alarming how clearly dangerous behaviour is minimised or ignored.

AnSolas · 07/09/2025 13:44

BlueandPinkSwan · 07/09/2025 13:15

He abducted her not kidnapped, that involves demands for money.
Not that matters either way, he's still moron.to have done anything of the sort.

Show quote history

Side bar

If she was foolish and got in the car he did not take her or trick her into the car so not "abduct". Kidnap is mostly about money but this objective (payment) was to terrorise DD. Either way she was a hostage and unlawfully detained by him.

End side bar.

That if it was what happened is a problem for the OP if they were finished, then he spammed people with her private communication with him to cause her harm and she gets in a car and did not call the police ( family ) once she understood he was not going to let her go or call the police once she was let go.

But good to see the police are opening an investigation.

@FCat if the Ex has images of DD which qualify as intimate taken before she was 18 you should seek legal advice for your DD before making any confirming statements and if she has sent any to him move her phone and other tec somewhere other that your family home.

https://www.police.uk/ro/report/rsa/alpha-v1/advice/rape-sexual-assault-and-other-sexual-offences/revenge-porn-intimate-image-abuse/

babyproblems · 07/09/2025 13:44

Police!!!

thaisweetchill · 07/09/2025 13:48

Glad you have contacted the police. When I was 18 I had an ex who wouldn’t stop calling and texting me, it got very scary at one point that my mom got involved and called the police. They went round and cautioned him for harassment and I never heard from him again.

fatphalange · 07/09/2025 13:51

I’d have told both to fuck off before I bounced the pair of them back down the garden path.

Gingernessy · 07/09/2025 13:55

FCat · 07/09/2025 08:47

morning, looking for advice please. Midnight last night some random girl knocked on our door asking to speak to my daughter. Turns out my daughter’s ex boyfriend had driven her over to confront my daughter for phoning him. They split up last year but have unfortunately kept in touch here and there. Now it appears he has a new girlfriend. The relationship wasn’t ideal, my daughter was only 16 when they got together, usual story: didn’t like her friends, didn’t like her going out, accusing her or cheating, etc etc, eventually split up and ever since then he still keeps tabs on her through mutual acquaintances - still accuses her of dating others (not that it’s any of his business now), has turned up at her part time job to have a go at some lad he’s accused her of dating. When they split he screen shot her personal messages and sent them to friends, coworkers, etc. One time he also drove her around in his car at that time in the middle of the night, refusing to take her home, getting mates, a sibling etc to scream abuse at her down the phone. Until now we have let it slide, my daughter is leaving for uni in the next few days so we’d hoped this would be the end of it. However this morning, I am fuming and as you can imagine barely slept - I am torn between bashing on his door this morning (he lives with parents still) and giving him what for, or reporting last nights incident to the police. I am spitting at the midnight visit, made worse that the girlfriend knocked on the door whilst he loitered like a coward down the path. Or do I leave it as she leaves in a few days anyway, and my daughter doesn’t want me to make it worse? I’m not even sure if the police will be interested - it is all recorded on my cameras. But right now, doing nothing makes me feel useless

I would definately speak to the police and make sure the incidences are on file and you have a case number. If it dies down whilst she's at Uni then great but he doesn't sound the kind to let it lie. I'd want it documented ready to take further if necessary

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 13:58

EchoedSilence · 07/09/2025 08:50

I'd phone the police. It's harassment.

Document as much as you can remember and then tell them.

Mcmach1 · 07/09/2025 14:01

FCat · 07/09/2025 08:47

morning, looking for advice please. Midnight last night some random girl knocked on our door asking to speak to my daughter. Turns out my daughter’s ex boyfriend had driven her over to confront my daughter for phoning him. They split up last year but have unfortunately kept in touch here and there. Now it appears he has a new girlfriend. The relationship wasn’t ideal, my daughter was only 16 when they got together, usual story: didn’t like her friends, didn’t like her going out, accusing her or cheating, etc etc, eventually split up and ever since then he still keeps tabs on her through mutual acquaintances - still accuses her of dating others (not that it’s any of his business now), has turned up at her part time job to have a go at some lad he’s accused her of dating. When they split he screen shot her personal messages and sent them to friends, coworkers, etc. One time he also drove her around in his car at that time in the middle of the night, refusing to take her home, getting mates, a sibling etc to scream abuse at her down the phone. Until now we have let it slide, my daughter is leaving for uni in the next few days so we’d hoped this would be the end of it. However this morning, I am fuming and as you can imagine barely slept - I am torn between bashing on his door this morning (he lives with parents still) and giving him what for, or reporting last nights incident to the police. I am spitting at the midnight visit, made worse that the girlfriend knocked on the door whilst he loitered like a coward down the path. Or do I leave it as she leaves in a few days anyway, and my daughter doesn’t want me to make it worse? I’m not even sure if the police will be interested - it is all recorded on my cameras. But right now, doing nothing makes me feel useless

You can't control him, you can advise your daughter to stop responding to the guy, why hasn't she blocked him? Why is she getting in the car with him?

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 07/09/2025 14:34

Daughter need to terminate contact, her keeping contact maintains this
Police will tell her to cease contact. At the moment she’s voluntarily in contact with her ex. They’re all too enmeshed
Your daughter needs to tell her ex shes going NC and then block him on all SM etc
Obviously ex will manipulate new girlfriend that your DD wants him back, excessive contact etc. To elicit a response from new GF and he probably like the drama

Pearl69 · 07/09/2025 14:43

Glad the police have acted. You just don’t know how far he ll go with this behaviour.

Best of luck to your DD OP - fresh start at uni, without this controlling low life getting in her way, I really hope he doesn’t know which uni she’s going to.

Cherrysoup · 07/09/2025 14:56

First thing the police will advise is that she never contacts him again and blocks his number. Bloke sounds dangerous.

SquirrelosaurusSoShiny · 07/09/2025 15:07

He sounds like an absolute dick and hopefully that is completely obvious to her now. She needs to block him AND the new girlfriend everywhere. She gets to go off to uni now and start over but yes, I would advise you to notify the university so they are aware.

lemonraspberry · 07/09/2025 15:13

Speak to your daughter about the benefits of boundaries, coercion and abusive behaviour (the car incident is particularly concerning) and personal safety. Maybe get her aware of this https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-35232275. The BBC three programme murdered by my boyfriend (a true story) also shows how this situations, which may seem harmless at first can escalate very quickly.

I would lodge it with the police, they may not do much but if his name keeps cropping up they know he has form for this behaviour.

I also would be on the doorstep of his parents telling them he has been reported and why.

The fact your daughter is away to uni is almost irrelevant here.

Laura Davies

Jordan Taylor trial: Laura Davies 'stabbed by ex-boyfriend'

A horse groomer was stabbed to death outside the sanctuary where she worked after ending her relationship with her killer, a court hears.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-35232275

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 07/09/2025 15:16

Your poor daughter. It absolutely constitutes harassment, especially sending personal messages to others etc. Definitely report to police, it will help build a picture for when future victims of his behaviour also need to report him.

TeaCupTornado · 07/09/2025 15:18

Police and see if your solicitor has any advice.

fruitypancake · 07/09/2025 15:20

Won’t hurt to get it logged with the police in case this continues, what a shocking way to behave

xsquared · 07/09/2025 15:26

So sorry this is happening to your dd, op.

Ultimately it's her ex who is the main perpetrator, and new gf is just the flying monkey.
I am guessing it's your dd who has ended the relationship, but ex is wanting to create drama and getting new gf to do the dirty work for him in. Probably trying to boost his ego. Either way, he's utterly toxic and needs to be blocked on all platforms.

Hope the police takes this seriously. All the best to your dd, as her mental health as well as personal safety needs protecting.

Tagyoureit · 07/09/2025 18:02

FCat · 07/09/2025 12:20

Thank you for everyone’s advise and comments. We have spoken to the police and my daughter has a video call with an officer this afternoon. So far they have been incredibly helpful and are taking it seriously

Brilliant news!!

But please, please ensure your dd does not contact this twat ever again!! Block, block, block!

Original poster
FCat · 07/09/2025 18:48

Update: we have filed a police report regarding both of them. We will also request in writing that he and the gf do not contact DD either directly or indirectly. Any further incidents will also be reported - if he turns up here again or at uni it will be treated as stalking. We will advise her uni and accommodation of the issue. He and mates are blocked on everything we can think of

for those who asked, DH answered the door last night and told them to leave. DD did not see them

hopefully this will now be the end, at least for DD

DD is good, visibly relieved and optimistic, packing, organising and moving on to the next chapter of her life

thank you for all the advice

OP posts:
xsquared · 07/09/2025 19:39

That's great news.

Hopefully that is the last that your dd will ever hear or see of them.

FallingIntoAutumn · 07/09/2025 19:47

Great update.
it’s not easy reporting it feels like your making it bigger than it is. It really is the right thing to do

hopefully he shits himself and fucks off

Nestingbirds · 07/09/2025 19:57

FCat · 07/09/2025 18:48

Update: we have filed a police report regarding both of them. We will also request in writing that he and the gf do not contact DD either directly or indirectly. Any further incidents will also be reported - if he turns up here again or at uni it will be treated as stalking. We will advise her uni and accommodation of the issue. He and mates are blocked on everything we can think of

for those who asked, DH answered the door last night and told them to leave. DD did not see them

hopefully this will now be the end, at least for DD

DD is good, visibly relieved and optimistic, packing, organising and moving on to the next chapter of her life

thank you for all the advice

I hope this is the end of it now for your dd. Certainly the police and courts are taking this much more seriously now. You will be supported, and so will dd.

I feel sorry for the other girl, his next prey.

Sassylovesbooks · 07/09/2025 19:57

That's good news. Your daughter has absolutely done the right thing by reporting her ex and his current girlfriend. It's on record, and that's the main thing. Hopefully, this will be the end of the situation. Onwards and upwards for her now!

JohnofWessex · 07/09/2025 20:22

Its a pity that there isnt some sort of 'psychiatric treatment' for men like this with a strong emphasis on 'behave or be locked up'