To not let my DD17 travel alone on an 6 hour trip across Greece to visit her boyfriend

[Maketheleap]

On holiday near Kalamata with DH, DD19 and DD17. Going home tomorrow. DD17 has been miserable half the week as missing her BF of 4 months from the UK. He has arrived in Cephalonia today with his family, so she won't see him for another week. She has decided today it would be an excellent idea to travel to his villa from here - involves a 30 min taxi, 3 hour bus, ferry and a further 1 hour taxi. Then she would fly back with them instead of us next weekend. She would waste last day of our holiday tomorrow (we're not leaving until 18:15) and the flight we have paid for. Also would miss first few days of year 13 and two medical appointments that I will need to rearrange. She reckons she will pay for all the extra cost with her savings .I have said a flat no and am cross she has ruined the last day of our holiday arguing with me about this. She has ADHD and loses her phone/purse on a regular basis. She says I am being totally unreasonable as she will be 18 in 6 months and able to do what she wants. Now not speaking to me.

YABU - Travelling alone in Greece will be a good experience and won't impact your holiday much.

YANBU - This carries too much risk and would disrupt too many other things.

What do his parents say?

Yanbu imo x

I'd be more ok with the travel stuff than the missing school part

That’d be a hard no from me.

No is a complete answer. No further negotiating. It doesn't suit anyone and she will see him soon. Hold your nerve and tell her to stop asking . It's not happening.

No, on the basis of missed school and that it’s a colossal waste of savings.

Tell her when she’s 18 they can go on their own couples holiday, but it’s not on to gatecrash his family holiday.

And if he doesn’t want to organise this with her for next summer, then she sure as fuck shouldn’t be traipsing across Greece to see him.

Does she have the money to cover it?

Why would you need to rearrange the medical appointments? What are they for ? Dental check up or consultant appointment?

Tell her in 6 months she can do what she wants, and you can lock the door behind her because you won't be responsible for her.

But right now the police will make her bad decisions your problem. So she's going home with you and thats the end of the discussion.

It would be a no from me.

I mean I love the ambition of teens.
But no, babes. Not happening

It's been a while since I travelled in Greece, but my recollection was that public transport is not entirely reliable and you need to know what to do if it's not there. Does she speak Greek fluently?

It is a late decision to stay with her BF, with no flight booked home if she stays.

I agree, wait until she is 18, then they can go on holiday together

School
Medical appointments
Come first, so travel home with original family

She wants to start her A level year with non attendance so she can see somebody she only saw about a week ago? Suppose she isn't intending upon going anywhere for university that isn't right where he is either?

It's a terrible idea.

Thanks all. His family are very much in favour annoyingly and egging her on. Medical appointments are therapy for anxiety (the irony) and an orthodontist appointment. She has form for very poor decision making and phoning me in the middle.of the night due to anxiety attacks.

Surely if the boyfriend and his parents had wanted her to join them on their holiday they would have spoken to you and made proper arrangements in advance, they haven’t so they don’t want her there. Tell her they can arrange their own holiday together next year when she is 18.

What about holiday insurance?
Spending money?

6 hours traveling across a foreign country as a 17 year old girl! Hell no!

He's actually been putting a massive guilt trip on her this week to the extent that she's questioning going away to uni as 'they clearly can't do long distance successfully'.

I assume boyfriend is applying the pressure his end too, then.
oh op. I’m sorry. I can only imagine the guilt trip she’s putting you through right now.
stay strong - you are 100% right and this is a lesson she needs to learn. If you give in on this I think you’ll regret it tbh.

Ferries are often cancelked owing to sea conditions/weather in Greece - whatvwould she do if that happened?

Mind, the thought of a 17 year old girl hopping in taxis in Greece (the drivers WILL all be men) alone gives me the heeby-jeebies.

You need to exercise your parental responsibility and right of veto.

The travelling be fine with. I travelled at a young age.

But not missing school and medical appointments so I voted Yanbu.

Normally I would be quite relaxed about something like this. I stayed on with my friend, abroad at 16 (and locked ourselves out of the villa in only our bikinis, having to walk into the local bar, half naked to ask for help…😳😂)

However, your DD doesn't sound organised enough to be travelling independently. (says I!😂)
Currently, there is also research/data showing a high correlation between missing days during first week back at the start of the school year and persistent absence through the school year.
Absence in the first week disrupts early relationships, seating arrangements, understanding of organisation and lacks a sense of belonging, leaving the students adrift.

Ok well that pressure from BF is a fucking massive red flag isn’t it.

Thanks for all the replies. Glad to hear I wasn't just allowing my own anxiety to get in the way of her life affirming experience

Obviously it's a terrible idea but pragmatically, how are you going to stop her?

Since she has anxiety and ADHD and all that jazz, is it likely that she will actually be able to plan and carry all this out without losing her bottle (or tickets, passport, purse etc)? Or will she sulk and flounce and probably feel relieved underneath that you said no she shouldn't?

I can see that to her, it probably sounds so romantic that she overcomes all adversity to fly to her beloved, but in reality she is better off waiting until next year when they can holiday together like adults.