To not let my DD17 travel alone on an 6 hour trip across Greece to visit her boyfriend

[Maketheleap]

On holiday near Kalamata with DH, DD19 and DD17. Going home tomorrow. DD17 has been miserable half the week as missing her BF of 4 months from the UK. He has arrived in Cephalonia today with his family, so she won't see him for another week. She has decided today it would be an excellent idea to travel to his villa from here - involves a 30 min taxi, 3 hour bus, ferry and a further 1 hour taxi. Then she would fly back with them instead of us next weekend. She would waste last day of our holiday tomorrow (we're not leaving until 18:15) and the flight we have paid for. Also would miss first few days of year 13 and two medical appointments that I will need to rearrange. She reckons she will pay for all the extra cost with her savings .I have said a flat no and am cross she has ruined the last day of our holiday arguing with me about this. She has ADHD and loses her phone/purse on a regular basis. She says I am being totally unreasonable as she will be 18 in 6 months and able to do what she wants. Now not speaking to me.

YABU - Travelling alone in Greece will be a good experience and won't impact your holiday much.

YANBU - This carries too much risk and would disrupt too many other things.

Missing school and the medical appointments would make it a no from me.

I wojld say yes if she didnt have school and medical appointments. The travel woild be fine shes 17 but jist the school and appointments is not good to miss.

I tend to agree it’s not a great idea, but you don’t need to speak fluent Greek to deal with unexpected changes to travel plans, you just need the experience and nous to be able to manage it, and know what to do if there’s an unexpected cancellation. From what the OP has written, I don’t think she is mature enough to manage it.

I’ve used public transport in Greece with virtually no Greek, and I survived,
but I’m nearly 50 with many years experience.

point out to her that if she is adult enough to travel alone, she is adult enough not to miss medical appointments

Absolutely not. School would be the non negotiable anyway but the travel is so last minute and haphazard I couldn’t feel relaxed about if it were my kid. Does she even have a seat on their plane? (Regardless, I’d be putting my foot down and telling her there will be other opportunities when she is 18). Had it been a well thought holiday with his parents that would have been fine but not this

Lol, Nice try from her. And I agree with pp, big old red flag from the bf and family encouraging her. Why doesn't he fly back to the UK to see her if he's so desperate? It would be quicker than the 6-hour trip she would have to take. Well done for being the only grown-up in the room.

Has she much experience of public transport even in England?

No way. Travel with lots of connections is stressful at the best of times. Add not speaking the language, anxiety and zero life experience and it's the recipe for a nightmare.

Yeah she may ace it and it'll be an enriching experience but far more likely she's calling you at midnight crying when she misses the connection/can't find the entrance to the ferry/ doesn't know which bus stand to go to, not the BF parents.

The time she wanted to travel Greece alone to meet a boy will be a funny story when she's 40. Probably.

Have you spoke to the family? Are they really egging her on, or is that what she saying, she’s hardly going tk say she’s not welcome.

I’ve got a dd she’s 17. That would be a no from me too. And I expect his family won’t want her gate crashing either.

Actually just read the other posts. It would still be a no from me.

I agree with the OP, but km surprised there are not more dissenting views, as from people I know, 17 year olds are expected to be independent and enough to do this ok d of thing

No way would I let her.

I don't know why PPs are mentioning that she doesn't speak fluent Greek or is somewhere she "doesn't speak the language". Practically all Greeks in touristy areas speak English perfectly well (the only exception I've found are the elderly). Booking tickets won't be a problem in that respect but if she's never had to plan complicated (well not very but if you're inexperienced it'll seem it) journeys by public transport she may well struggle rather.

I'd be sticking firmly to "No dear, you've got appointments and a new term, you'll see X soon when they get back." They won't have booked a plane ticket for her going back, will they?

I said YANBU but not due to disorganisation - she will learn fast if she gets the consequences - because of the missed school and appointments.
I went to London on my own (not as far I know) at 17 and then to uni on the train on my own at 18.

Oh absolutely not.

I agree with the OP, but km surprised there are not more dissenting views, as from people I know, 17 year olds are expected to be independent and enough to do this ok d of thing

It's not just the travel, though, is it? (Though I think it's a lot for a girl who seems to have poor organisational skills) It's the prior commitments and the controlling tendencies the bf seems to be exhibiting. Those would be good enough reasons to say no without the complicated travel arrangements.

That would be a hell no from me. My dd has been angling to go on holiday abroad this year with friends. No bloody way. She can wait until she’s 18. Admittedly I went with 2 friends at 17. But I was a lot more streetwise. No way would I have been ok at 17 to do what your dd is proposing. I’m also forgetful, get bee in my bonnet, a bit highly strung as they used to say. If she’s anything like me, travelling alone would have been massively anxiety inducing and something going wrong would have brought on panic.

If true about the family, it sounds like they and her boyfriend have really got under her skin. I’d be keeping a big eye on that one tbh as it’s a bit of a red flag. And talking to her about making choices for her long term happiness, not just the next few months. And if the relationship is meant to be, they will be ok. That she will be able to trust in things. That it is natural and normal for him to panic a bit that she may move away for university. However, this is a process and a test of their relationship. It’s not feasible to decide beforehand what will and won’t happen between them.

For me the taxis are a worry.

Also missing school. This is not the way to start 6th form.

if they are so desperate for her to join them why doesn't the bf travel 6 hours to travel with her?

Have a daughter that age, absolutely no way.
Huge red glag that he is guilting her.
Watch her carefully, she sounds vulnerable and he sounds controlling.

My kids all island hopped with friends in Greece aged 17. The journey is an easy and totally safe one. Let her do it.

I have a DD17 as well. It would definitely be a hard no from me!

The BF has now contacted me separately on Snapchat to ask if DD can come as he's really missing her. When I said it's a no and TBH I was pretty annoyed that this plan has ruined the last day of our holiday (she refused to come to dinner with us), he started backtracking very quickly to say that he can now see all the dangers and I'm probably right and he hadn't even known until teatime as she wanted to surprise him. Clearly trying to get back on-side

Did they do it to miss school, medical appointments, robe with a potentially controlling partner and no return flight booked?