To not let my DD17 travel alone on an 6 hour trip across Greece to visit her boyfriend

[Maketheleap]

On holiday near Kalamata with DH, DD19 and DD17. Going home tomorrow. DD17 has been miserable half the week as missing her BF of 4 months from the UK. He has arrived in Cephalonia today with his family, so she won't see him for another week. She has decided today it would be an excellent idea to travel to his villa from here - involves a 30 min taxi, 3 hour bus, ferry and a further 1 hour taxi. Then she would fly back with them instead of us next weekend. She would waste last day of our holiday tomorrow (we're not leaving until 18:15) and the flight we have paid for. Also would miss first few days of year 13 and two medical appointments that I will need to rearrange. She reckons she will pay for all the extra cost with her savings .I have said a flat no and am cross she has ruined the last day of our holiday arguing with me about this. She has ADHD and loses her phone/purse on a regular basis. She says I am being totally unreasonable as she will be 18 in 6 months and able to do what she wants. Now not speaking to me.

YABU - Travelling alone in Greece will be a good experience and won't impact your holiday much.

YANBU - This carries too much risk and would disrupt too many other things.

Travel in Greece is fairly easy and reliable. Even if she doesn't speak Greek, people will help her. If she's reasonably self-confident and sensible, she'll be fine.
Having said that, missing the first few days of school doesn't sound great. It would be a no from me

100% no WAY.

travel across Greece that age is fine IMO if someone is mature enough

but you’re right to say NO because of this:

she would miss first few days of year 13 and two medical appointments that I will need to rearrange

not a chance. Also good lesson in independence. Kids should be able to survive without their boyfriend or girlfriends for a couple of weeks

If it was just a matter of her managing I'd say yes, she is old enough to cope.

But she is making problems for everyone else and wasting money for a stupid reason. After being a pain all week for a stupid reason. A week is nothing.

She sounds immature. I’d point out to her that her response only proves to you that she is not mature enough to be responsible.

She needs to be home for appointments and school. Buying a last minute flight will be expensive.

How will you be able to help her if she gets stuck or in trouble somewhere on this journey? You’re heading to the airport in the afternoon, you would all miss the flight if you have to head off on some rescue mission. You can’t get on a flight home while she cross country or waiting overnight for a ferry.

They will see each other in a week.

And of course she doesn’t need to be fluent in Greek ffs. What a daft effing response. Μαλακά

Was there an option for her to go on the. Holiday with them in the first place or him to go with you?

I have an almost 18 and a just turned 17 dds and their boyfriends have come on family holidays over. The last year or so.

Your daughter may be 17, and nearing 18, but her behaviour says that she's immature. The fact she has ADHD, adds an extra complicated layer. She's disorganised/irresponsible and has the habit of making poor decisions. She doesn't have the experience or savviness to travel across Greece safely. I agree with you, it's a No. Missing the start of Year 13 and medical appointments on its own without travelling across Greece, is enough to say No. She's only been dating this young man for 4 months, yet he seems to be able to manipulate her quite easily. The fact he's been pressurising her to travel across Greece, presumably without a thought for her safety, is quite honestly worrying. He had the audacity to contact you, when she must have told him you'd said no, to try and persuade you. When he realised it wasn't going to work, he backtracked, and made it look like it was all your daughter's ideas. I'd be keeping a close eye on their relationship. As for your daughter potentially causing issues, because she can't have her own way, you need to read her the riot act!!

She doesn't need to be fluent in Greek but it helps a lot to be familiar with the Greek alphabet and know some basic phrases, plus have info like addresses written down in Greek. A taxi driver may or may not speak more than basic English and IME taxi etiquette be quite confusing to a new tourist. I've had drivers refuse to take me on as a passenger for various reasons I'd never have expected at home - usually no big deal in a busy place with a stream of taxis, but otherwise can be a huge hurdle. She at a minimum needs to be prepared for a ferry delay (is there a hotel near the port, and can she afford a night's stay?) and it would be better if her hosts could be prepared to come and pick her up in lieu of the last taxi ride if needed, or book her some kind of paratransit ahead of time.

Personally, I'm all for travel and adventure and I'm sure I worried my parents a lot as a teen and survived handily BUT this would be a no for me - first because she shouldn't be missing things at home that are really important and second because she really has no perspective at all that a week is nothing and this is a good opportunity for her to learn. Also the pressure from the bf AND the weirdness of the family would make me worry whether she'd be in safe hands for that extra week away; she's still a minor and if things go wrong will be limited in what she can do.

The controlling boyfriend is a massive red flag and my only real concern. She'll probably catch up with school easily enough.

Not sure you can really stop her though unless you hide her passport and bank cards. You'll need to work on her to understand the need to meet her commitments back home and to finish the family holiday with you. Because telling her she's can't go is not likely to be well recieved.

I would have done this at her age. I'd have been even more likely to take stupid risks if my parents had tried to ban me.

Let her go. 17 is practically an adult. Gets herself in challenging situation, she will learn to manage.

Literally a few weeks ago, a boy I know, who is 16 traveled to USA for a year for an exchange. Hard decision on parent, but you can’t hold back on kids forever. They are so capable.

massive massive red flag.

The missing the beginning of yr 13 bit is the reason I’d be saying a flat no. It’s too important to miss.

Also the boyfriend’s behaviour sounds a massive red flag. I think kids with ADHD can be really vulnerable to this sort of thing.

The travelling as such I wouldn’t have an issue with but all the rest of it, yes.

It would be a no from me,

I would be fine with her travelling across Greece. I would not be fine with her missing the start of Year 13 or failing to turn up to two medical appointments for this reason, and expecting you to sort it out.

I think missing the start of year 13 is not on.

Absolutely not. So many things could go wrong with the travel. He might be unreliable and not meet her like he’s promised. His family might be unimpressed with her crashing their holiday. Just no.

Teenagers in love are crazy. Hold your nerve.

Independent travel, absolutely fine at her age. Even with a propensity to lose things and ADHD.

So many different travel modalities and the notion of getting from Kalamata to Kefalonia for a couple of days - overland?? Mad.

Medical appts can be rearranged but she hasn’t thought this through. Flying would probably be cheaper, for one thing.

I went on a girls holiday to Greece when I was 18 and ended up staying there for 3 months, working in a bar, living with people I hardly knew in substandard accommodation and all manner of other things I wouldn’t want my own teenagers doing.
I bought a phone card for the pay phone and called the college to get my A level results.
In the circumstances you’ve described the answer would be no because of missing school rather than the travel, although she doesn’t sound very street wise and it’s not a good reason if she will see the boyfriend soon anyway.
Tell her she can start planning something for when she’s 18 no ifs no buts.

Sorry op but I think you are letting your anxiety get the better of you. She wanted to do something brave and had she been supported in it it could’ve been transformative for her. She’s not hitching, you’re talking about public transport and cabs. Regarding the University/long distance relationship issue, if he is being controlling, you’ve unfortunately done nothing but drive her into his arms now. Honestly, I think you’ve been controlling especially going on about it ruining the last day of your holiday. She’s not just there to play happy families, she’s a person with her own life and needs including the need to take risks and individuate.
and in year 13, i feel I t’s up to her if she wants to miss college, sounds like you’re treating her like a very young child
I say this as a mother to a 16-year-old with anxiety, autism and ADHD, who is also spreading his wings, it’s so important to make the most of these opportunities where they want to do something more independent. I think you’ve been unfair sorry

Laughing at all the "I did this when I was her age and it was great... But absolutely no." Mumsnet is such a contrary place sometimes. In so many others threads posters are falling over themselves to say 17 year olds are almost adults.

However I also agree that the reason it would be no for me is going back to school/college and other appointments, not the travel element.

If she didn't need to be back for the start of term, I would want the boyfriend to be coming to meet her half way, or look into flights instead.

Maybe the plan was to stay with boyfriend for an extra week!

Is he not at school/college?

I totally understand your concern I would be exactly the same. I would have a chat to cousin to get a better idea how to make your decision,

I think the travel sounds fine for a 17yo but missing school obviously isn't. I'd say no on that basis.