To not let my DD17 travel alone on an 6 hour trip across Greece to visit her boyfriend

[Maketheleap]

On holiday near Kalamata with DH, DD19 and DD17. Going home tomorrow. DD17 has been miserable half the week as missing her BF of 4 months from the UK. He has arrived in Cephalonia today with his family, so she won't see him for another week. She has decided today it would be an excellent idea to travel to his villa from here - involves a 30 min taxi, 3 hour bus, ferry and a further 1 hour taxi. Then she would fly back with them instead of us next weekend. She would waste last day of our holiday tomorrow (we're not leaving until 18:15) and the flight we have paid for. Also would miss first few days of year 13 and two medical appointments that I will need to rearrange. She reckons she will pay for all the extra cost with her savings .I have said a flat no and am cross she has ruined the last day of our holiday arguing with me about this. She has ADHD and loses her phone/purse on a regular basis. She says I am being totally unreasonable as she will be 18 in 6 months and able to do what she wants. Now not speaking to me.

YABU - Travelling alone in Greece will be a good experience and won't impact your holiday much.

YANBU - This carries too much risk and would disrupt too many other things.

Spot on. Sounds a missed opportunity for her to grow and gain confidence.

No way - too vulnerable travelling alone with so many variables. I’d also be concerned at the not very bright parents of the bf actively encouraging her to travel solo !

No way - too vulnerable travelling alone with so many variables. I’d also be concerned at the not very bright parents of the bf actively encouraging her to travel solo !

No way - too vulnerable travelling alone with so many variables. I’d also be concerned at the not very bright parents of the bf actively encouraging her to travel solo !

No way - too vulnerable travelling alone with so many variables. I’d also be concerned at the not very bright parents of the bf actively encouraging her to travel solo !

So sorry pressed ‘ Post ‘ too many times in error 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I'd maybe agree if the boyfriend came to meet her, if she wasn't due back to school. Missing the beginning of term is not a great start, does she not need to enrol on a given day? And if she rearranged the medical appointments ( which she could presumably could do from Greece.
But a hard no to travelling that distance by herself in a strange country where she doesn't speak the language, and when she has form for losing important things.
You say that the BF's parents are encouraging it, but given that BF says even he didn't know of her plan till this afternoon, I wonder if his parents are even aware.
Meanwhile, where is your DH in all of this? It sounds like you are the one taking all the flak.

I don’t know, I went away at 16 and 17 with school friends. Travelled to France on my own to meet them. And I was pretty useless.

Yes I am sure she will attempt to make you pay for this by behaving badly!! Ignore ignore ignore. We were all young and self centred and ridiculous once…

She needs to learn to be proactive. What will happen if the bus is late? When is the next ferry? What happens if the ferry isn't running? How will she fund all this? Will she be the one calling to rearrange her medical apts?

I wouldn't be saying an outright no. Instead she needs to learn to plan and not just come to you with an idea. I'd also ask if the bf could meet her at the bus terminal so at least she won't be alone.

Also who is going to cover her costs for the next week? Have you spoken to the parents directly?

The travel stuff fine, Greece is very safe, and the time/hassle is up to her. She is almost an adult.

Missing a few days of school and medical appointments no, that is not acceptable in my opinion.

bf is a concern, expecting her to make that trip, miss college, pay for privilege of his company. Who is paying for her new return flight (hypothetically obvs)
You have said no. No is no. She needs some time to see that what is asking is unreasonable. She could end up stranded in the middle of Greece. Nope, no and fuck no.

I was very similar to how she sounds when younger. Anxious but also spontaneous and risk taking. Talked my Mum into letting me go on holiday on my own very young, a few mishaps, but I survived. However, I would definitely say no to missing school. She’ll get over it.

If she was streetwise and sensible as I was at 17 I think I’d be ok with the travel. I island hopped in Greece at 18 and it was fine

BUT
missing school and medical appointments is a hard no
and who’s going to pay for the accomodation, food and new flight? Not her I’m guessing

You made the right decision

I would not have allowed mine to miss the start of year 13 or appointment for anxiety

Travel I would be ok-ish with, as long as she allowed phone tracking/kept in touch - 6 hours on unreliable transport if she’s not travelled alone in a foreign country before is not to be taken lightly

Glad the bf backed down!

^THIS^

This phone tracking etc - how does that keep her safe? Just say she stops answering the phone - what would you do?

Thanks all for the opinions. She clearly had some kind of change of heart overnight, checked out of her room with no issues and turned up to breakfast full of the joys of spring and very much speaking to me. She definitely had some kind of tearful call to the boyfriend in the early hours according to her sister. I'm just cracking on with the last day of holiday rather than addressing anything with her. Maybe she woke up thinking 'Thank God I don't have to get on a Greek bus on my own.'

She could well be lulling you into a false sense of security ahead of disappearing off on a bus in a couple of hours. Stay vigilant!

I jest. But only slightly. I was once a teenage girl! 😂

Pleased to hear. Perhaps the boyfriend talked her out of it. Hope she remains in good spirits!