To not let my DD17 travel alone on an 6 hour trip across Greece to visit her boyfriend

[Maketheleap]

On holiday near Kalamata with DH, DD19 and DD17. Going home tomorrow. DD17 has been miserable half the week as missing her BF of 4 months from the UK. He has arrived in Cephalonia today with his family, so she won't see him for another week. She has decided today it would be an excellent idea to travel to his villa from here - involves a 30 min taxi, 3 hour bus, ferry and a further 1 hour taxi. Then she would fly back with them instead of us next weekend. She would waste last day of our holiday tomorrow (we're not leaving until 18:15) and the flight we have paid for. Also would miss first few days of year 13 and two medical appointments that I will need to rearrange. She reckons she will pay for all the extra cost with her savings .I have said a flat no and am cross she has ruined the last day of our holiday arguing with me about this. She has ADHD and loses her phone/purse on a regular basis. She says I am being totally unreasonable as she will be 18 in 6 months and able to do what she wants. Now not speaking to me.

YABU - Travelling alone in Greece will be a good experience and won't impact your holiday much.

YANBU - This carries too much risk and would disrupt too many other things.

But your kids did it with friends and possibly did not miss the start of 6th form.

Yes absolutely.

Absolutely no way. They must have known both families would be in Greece at overlapping times so why didn’t they plan this better? It does sound as though it’s her idea though OP. Maybe she also asked him to contact you?

Well at least he's stopped pressuring you now. I'd take that as a win.

Just dreading her behaviour tomorrow and this week now. She will no doubt create some kind of further protest by refusing to check out of her room on time or similar. Apparently I should 'not expect her to speak to me this week'. Sounds quite a relief right now TBH.

OP, I don’t like the sound of this boyfriend …… (especially around the uni comment and long term).

Too bad. When she’s older snd has kids she’ll look back and agree with you. And the Uni thing is out of order too.

Has she even checked she could get a flight home with them? Who would pay for it all??

Bloody hell that's dreadful behaviour from her.

I know teenagers girls can be rather moody and sometimes dramatic, I had two of them. I always chose my battles- slamming doors was ignored but name calling/swearing at me, never was and there would be consequences if they went to far.
I’d have a word with her tonight and tell her in no uncertain terms that she’s already ruined the last day of the holiday and you expect her to be ready tomorrow, in-time to leave. If she is not there will X, Y, Z consequences when she gets home. (Mine were always no lifts, no allowance etc.)

Its a no from me, particularly because of the school and medical appointments. And why has he not even offered to travel and meet her halfway? You need to show her that is a dating red flag. BF should not want her to make that journey alone.

When I was 13 and living abroad, I used to travel from one end of the country by rail to the other (no mobiles then either) and didn't turn a hair. But your daughter sounds quite flighty and her aptitude for losing her phone and wallet is concerning. Can quite see why you've drawn a line.

Of course, no doubt when she is 18, and losing her personal possessions left, right and centre whilst travelling abroad, she'll still except you to swoop in and save her somehow.

No

And if she’s a twat tomorrow remove her phone.

She can’t miss school

That's outrageous. Will there be repercussions?

She might like to think she's nearly an adult, but she's hardly behaving like one.

Dropping out of important commitments - and presumably leaving it to her mother to make the explanations

Stropping around like a 13yo

he started backtracking very quickly to say that he can now see all the dangers and I'm probably right and he hadn't even known until teatime as she wanted to surprise him.

How does that tie in with -

His family are very much in favour annoyingly and egging her on.

Unless his family were in on it but not him, somebody is telling porkies.

My dad is Greek and he wouldnt let me do that now aged 38. He is firmly of the opinion that Greece isn't safe if you aren't Greek and didn't grow up knowing how to never trust anyone wholly.

absolutely not being unreasonable there Op! The travel isn’t even the major concern here it would be school and the medical appointments.
I did travel with my boyfriend at 17 but it was well organised, neither of us had any issues with anxiety and he wasn’t a tit who was emotionally manipulating me into not going to Uni.

Why doesn’t he visit her instead? Then he can go back and continue his holiday

@Maketheleap I read your thread title and thought it was just about the length of the journey, which I think most 17 year olds would be able to manage. With regard to missing the last day of your family holiday, wasting her flight home and missing the start of school, I would agree that it’s a no. While I can totally see myself as a teenager thinking that this was perfectly fine, as an adult I definitely don’t (as an adult I have been diagnosed with ADHD, as it happens).

No she’s a little nipper not an adult. Put her in her place.

Bit of a red flag here with BF. Will she have any travel insurance for the extra time? What if her bags get lost on the way home? I'm all for adventure but she has things she needs to do at home. She can go travelling when she's older and doesn't have something to come back for.

Any reason, assuming it means that much to him, that he didn’t offer to get off his arse and come for her - or at least meet her half way? Not that I’d let her go anyway, but it’s all her risk, her running, her money, her missed classwork and appointments. I wouldn’t like that for my DD.

I was quite fearless as a young one and must have hitchhiked some 30,000 miles by myself but she is inexperienced and doesn't speak the language

Why doesn’t the boyfriend fly home early and see her in the UK… mmm, didn’t think so.