As a "bereaved person" I always read these threads with interest. I could be accused of picking a scab by doing so of course, but I use the experience to observe, feel and analyse the emotions that come - which are mostly mild irritation, tolerance and resignation.
Solidarity and hugs to all those on the shitty club, by the way. All our experiences are unique, but the common ground is that big fuck off hole in our lives that we cannot fill.
One thing that strikes me is that our modern, technologically driven world,and the plethora of social media platforms means the lines between "reality" and the online world are increasingly blurred, and of course it is altering how we think and interact with each other.
If the Victorians had social media, their selfies would have been of them and their deceased relative dressed and posed to look alive, as for some this was the only opportunity they might have had for a family photo. I'm sure many thought this inappropriate but it was a technology driven fashion.....not much different to posting on Facebook in terms of evolution. Back then, mortality was a huge issue, so grief and mourning were big business, and part of every day life. The rituals were commonplace but gave people a framework that helped them process their losses.
I'm not advocating a return to 6 months of black slowly arriving back into the real world via lavender by any means, but as with everything, as society has changed, things like social media have become part of the landscape of everything we do. If you're on it that is, it's certainly not compulsory. But for a vast majority, especially younger generations, it's ingrained. They've never been without it, so it's part of their lexicon of communication. And we "oldies" got on board to "get down with the kids" (keep track of them in my case in their teens) keep up with the Jones and if you have a business for quick cheap advertising.
Back to bereavement posting though, as I didn't intend to give a Ted Talk, grieving people are expected to do so much, consider so much, organise so much, and so quickly, that actual "grieving" sometimes doesn't even kick in until long after all the practical stuff has been dealt with. Time becomes a very surreal thing. A loss can seem like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time. Then suddenly you realise it's a birthday, an anniversary, a death date, and while you might try and hold it down, you're desperate for some outlet or connection - and up goes the post. If the alternative is vodka shots through the eyeballs or picking a fight with someone for no apparent reason, then yay for performative grieving.
A pp mentioned widowhood - as a woman's place is usually in the wrong, this particular hell can make one wish to have just popped oneself into the grave on the day of the funeral and save everyone the bother of what to do with the widow. And social media can play its part in all that too.
But like it or lump it, people like to remember their dead. How they do it isn't up for judgement in my book. Other people can just look away, hopefully hiding their disdain if they don't like it. ,We're sorry / not sorry that it's awkward, or distasteful, or however you want to dress it up, but not as sorry as we are that we're in the position to cause you discomfort, trying to rebuild our lives without the person / people who made everything worthwhile.
For me, in five years, I've lost my Mum, my DP, and this year, three friends of varying closeness, plus my Dad, my MIL, and my Uncle. The last three since March. I've posted to let people know mainly, and to diarise little tributes to them. If I posted on every birthday, or special date, my feed would be one long roll call of death, so yeah, I'm not going to do that. I don't need RSI on top of everything else.
But those who do - I say go for it. Put your love and memories out there. We are but a short time here, and we live as long as we're remembered. As we're always being told - we have the technology and we're all supposed to be using it.