To think I don’t have a alcohol problem

[Boingyboingy]

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

You definitely do have a problem if you need to have a few everyday to relax. A few drinks every day is an issue. Even alcoholics can go one day, and it sounds like you’re not drinking on Sundays because you don’t want your husband to see. Another sign of a problem.

I think you should listen to your husband. How do you feel about the idea of not drinking?

You're an alcoholic. If you're not, just stop drinking.

Pretty sure you'll be shocked when you try and can't do it.

Try giving up for a month. If you don't notice the month go by all well and good. If you find you’re counting the days till the month is up, you probably need to get it in check.
I used to drink most nights, a habit formed in lockdown. It was making me gain weight though so I only drink if we go out now - rarely!

If you are drinking every day then you have a problem.

https://alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/fact-sheets/alcohol-and-your-mood

I have some relatives who are seniors and struggling with alcohol right now. I can't say that you have a problem but it can happen at any age.

I went through a period of having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Whether you’re an alcoholic or not, only you know (although you’re likely in denial so maybe not). But drinking every day isn’t a good sign and ‘needing it’ to combat stress rings alarm bells for me. Been there.
i now don’t drink during the week, unless out for a meal, and never drink at home alone, will have wine at the weekend only when DH fancies some with dinner. If out for the evening will have a couple before dinner and wine with the meal. My DH was getting increasingly worried about what i was drinking previously and in all honesty so was I once I admitted it to myself. I decided if I couldn’t cut down, I’d have to stop completely.
that was enough to make me take back control.

I heard a piece of advice somewhere which I’ll share here: If someone talks to you about your drinking, listen to them.

Sadly I’ve lost a dh and a parent to alcoholism, so please take this seriously. You think you are using the stuff to relax. Carry on like this and it will start using you. You won’t know when this happens until it’s too late.

Is your brother still alive?

'A few' drinks makes me think at least 3. If a small glass of wine or beer is 1.5-2 units then you would be having an estimated 4.5 units minimum, 6 days a week. That's 27 units a week (estimated minimum from the information given). The maximum the NHS recommends in a week is 14. So yes, I would say you're harming your health at this level.

I think if you have to ask if you drink too much, you drink too much.

Def try to cut down somehow, would you be open to hypnosis even? There is so much help online about cutting down alcohol. What in your life makes you feel that you need to relax?

It's interesting that OP has not answered the question of how much per day she is drinking.

OP, how many units per day does your "few a day" add up to?

Even if you are not an alcoholic, @Boingyboingy, I certainly think you have an alcohol problem.

Could you stop drinking? For a week - a month - two months? If you can’t, you have an alcohol problem and need help.

You're drinking every day and depend on it for stress relief. An alcoholic isn't defined by how much alcohol they're consuming. Rolling around throwing up drunk isn't the only sign of being an alcoholic.It's an alcohol dependency and your partner is right to be concerned. Before you can get any real help with it you need to realise and admit that you have a problem. It's all fine and well going to a GP but if you tell them that you don't feel it's a problem then you're wasting your time going. You need to actually WANT to get real help and support

Obviously you do have a problem, although it may or may not be one of alcohol dependence. What you're actually craving is the dopamine response. The anticipation and the ritual of feeling relaxed and chilled. Alcohol is a very easy and habit forming way of achieving this.

If you found a better way of dealing with your dopamine seeking behaviour such as exercise or something else to give you that feeling you may find your desire for alcohol is no longer a problem.

There’s not really any such thing as being ‘an alcoholic’. It’s not a binary thing and most experts find it an unhelpful label. There is such a thing as drinking too much. If alcohol is causing issues in your life then you probably need to make a change.

Very supportive thread over in Alcohol Support- Trying to moderate. Come and join us!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5183493-on-a-mission-to-moderate-or-absolutely-abstaining-no-judging-keep-on-being-strong-new-thread-autumn-2024?page=38

It’s sometimes more telling what people don’t say rather than what they do. OP still hasn’t said how much she actually drinks per day. I suspect that’s because deep down she knows that’s probably too much, but it’s too scary to admit.

It isn't necessarily about how much you're drinking or how often, it's about why you're doing it and the impact it's having on your life.

You could be drinking only one night a week, but if it's to excess because you're trying to mask something and it's affecting your relationships with others, then you have a problem.

You could be drinking a much smaller amount every day, but if you're doing it because you can't relax without it and it's upsetting your partner, you have a problem.

You are being deliberately evasive with how much you actually drink but have stated that you drink every day except Sunday and that you like the feeling after a few. If we count 'a few' as 3 drinks then that's 3 drinks 6 times a week which is 18 drinks. A standard glass of wine is 2 units so you are consuming 36 units of alcohol per week, potentially more if you are consuming a stronger drink e.g a strong cider. The NHS recommends 14 units per week I would say it's a huge problem for your health.

If you aren’t yet one then your on your way. This is how my dad started and he used to say I just like to have a drink or 2 after work. I could stop anytime I want but I don’t want to. Over time it just got worse. He has depression and it makes that worse too but he wants a drink coz he depressed, it’s a vicious cycle. He says it makes him temporarily feel better. Sounds similar to you that you crave the feeling it gives you.

You need to actually stop it and see if you really can go without it. It’s also terrible for your health if anything else.

Is it just one glass of wine or small bottle of beer a day? If so, maybe try two days a week without.

If it's more every day, you probably are aware of long term damage? It might be hard to accept that you drink too much, but there are great sites online NHS about helping cut down.

Hopefully you can get a bit if support here if you need it, NHS or DrinkAware.

This is an interesting post - lots of people on here seemingly never drink so I wonder how many of them eat ready meals/processed foods/chocolates/cakes/cans of fizz. The liver is one organ we need to look after, but people also need to look after their arteries and heart as obesity, heart attacks and diabetes are big risks too.

From the post I guess she's drinking at home so her unit intakes are probably going to be more than recommended. Home measures will be more generous than the pub measures that alcohol units are measured in for general information purposes. The fact she's posted to see if anyone agrees that she doesn't have an alcohol dependency problem indicates she feels that it isn't a problem for her. She clearly needs help but it's not going to be useful if she's going for help because she feels her partner wants her to do something about it. It won't work. My ex was alcoholic but he enjoyed it and didn't want any help so all his trips to the GP and alcohol recovery services were a waste of time

A couple of glasses a night isn't alcoholism, but it does take you over the recommended amount of units for women- (assuming we're not talking pub measures, the standard is actually 125ml! But pubs did that 'superzize' thing, so most places now offer 175ml, or 250ml). However, I know a lot of people who do this, and it does seem to be a social norm in a lot of circles. The question you have to ask yourself is, is it affecting other areas of your life like work and relationships (apart from your DH complaining, is there a reason why? Are you obnoxious after a few?).
If you're functioning OK and you're not hammering 2 bottles a night, I think you're OK OP. But I know a lot will disagree.

What is your husbands problem? Is it just the label of ‘alcoholic’ that concerns him? Is he worried about your health or how much money you are spending? Are you annoying or rude if you’ve had a drink?

i have a drink most nights, usually a glass of wine while cooking and another with dinner. It’s stayed at that level for nearly 20 years. I stopped when pregnant with no problems, have done dry January etc. Most recently I didn’t drunk for a week on holiday in Iceland because it was so expensive 😱, not a problem. But essentially I don’t want to be alcohol free: I could be, but I don’t want to be.

As for the NHS limits, well lots of other things might kill me first 🤷‍♀️.

@Boingyboingy How much are you actually drinking? What’s ‘a few’?

A friend died recently from constant drinking. Rushed to hospital with liver failure. Told the machines were going to be switched off in a few days time. Fully with it to the end and knew they’d die after the weekend.