To think I don’t have a alcohol problem

[Boingyboingy]

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

You could be psychologically rather than physically addicted; you crave the feelings you associate with alcohol, not the taste or refreshment. Or you might not be addicted at all; perhaps you genuinely could stop permanently or just have one drink occasionally if you chose. But you can also experience negative health and/or behavioural effects without being addicted.

Has your husband experienced specific negative impacts from your drinking, or is he assuming there must be a problem from the amount and frequency?

I have no firsthand experience as I'm not much of a drinker, but if you're drinking alcohol most days, and are reliant on it for any reason (e.g. to relax), like your husband, I'd also likely assume that's a problem.

Regardless, the people closest to you expressing their concerns should probably be enough of a reason to try and give up or at least cut down significantly - a glass or two on a weekend. And if you find you can't, then you know you need help, and there's absolutely no shame in that.

Alcoholism doesn't have an age limit....

I really struggled with alcohol in my 20s; and despite my parents being alcoholics (and hating everything that went with that!), I still refused to admit to myself that I had a problem.

For me, it was not being able to shut out the alcohol noise (I rarely drink now, maybe twice a year and the thought of drinking doesn't even cross my mind), planning things around drinking like it was a hobby (like what food I was going to have with it, what wine glass I would use), feeling that evenings were empty without the dopamine buzz of alcohol, not being able to stop at one as I wanted to prolong the buzz....

I only stopped when I got heavily into running.. which with hindsight was just replacing one addiction with another (but it was a lot healthier!).

ETA: My DH also recognised my problem.

It also isn't healthy to do a lot of things - eg regular eating of certain foods (but a glass of red wine when chilling out in the evening attracts more opprobrium than a couple of chill out donuts). Maybe check in with your GP to see whether your daily wine (if it is wine) is an issue.

< disclaimer: I don't drink ; maybe that makes me more tolerant of those who do 🤷‍♀️ >

When you’re using alcohol to change how you feel, you’ve got a problem!

OP agree with most PP that your drinking does sound problematic. But what do you mean by your husband 'going mad at me'? If he takes your drink problem as an excuse to be abusive, you've got two problems on your hands.

I lived with an alcoholic once and the denial can drive you up the wall, so I understand he may get exasperated. But can you have a calm conversation with him about it, and get help from him rather than reprimands? I very much hope so.

Classic Mumsnet,
OP posts on MN exhibiting all the classic signs of having a drink problem, including her DH expressing concern about her daily drinking habit.

Yet another poster considers whether she could instead have a DH problem!?

😂🙄😂

If you took drugs every day because you liked the feeling it gave you, so you take them every day.. but you dont crave them, would you say you was a drug addict?

Why don't you check You Tube for relaxing alternatives that save on your pocket and on your health. We all need a crutch, but it's what crutch that is important?

Every single person I know who ever questioned if they drank too much or were an alcoholic had a problem.

Within 6 months of asking, the majority of them became a full blown alcoholic. Some managed to be fully functioning for a good while there after but DUIs, job losses, relationship breakdown all followed.

Your brother is an alcoholic which also puts you at much higher risk.

If you genuinely don't think you have a problem, you can easily prove you are right by stopping. But you won't because you can't.

Alarm bells are ringing. You shouldn't ignore them.

It's very easy prove you don't have a problem, just stop drinking. If you can do the next fortnight dry, you'll probably be ok.

@Boingyboingy What can you do about the stressful triggers that send you to drink in the first place?

Tell us what is making you need to drink. We might be able to give advice on diminishing whatever it is that is making you feel the urge to drink.

I packed up by making myself a cup of tea every time I wanted a drink. I stopped dead though. It was just tea tea tea until I was able to reduce that. I can't stand tea now and drink coffee in moderation.

Now I know just how bad alcohol is, I have no desire for it but I have had to go through hoops to get here. Worth it though.

Not really. I do dry January most years and I'm bored to death so I do dread it when it's coming up. Doesn't make me an alcoholic.

If you eat cheese every day, are you a cheese addict?

Without knowing how much you drink per day, how can anyone know?

You deffo have a problem. How many units do you drink a week?

My dad drinks 4 cans a day as standard, more if it’s a special occasion. He doesn’t think he has a problem but when he tries to cut down or stop he can’t.

All of his blood tests show the vitamin deficiencies and liver damage of an alcoholic. He’s 60. Do something about it now while you still have the chance to undo the damage

Sadly I agree with this. I have a mate who self describes as an alcoholic. Her father was before her. She can pack up for weeks at a time if she gets a scare of some sort but always goes back to it. She is an alcoholic without question.

That sounds very much like an alcohol problem to me and that’s just on your own account of your drinking. I’d be interested in your husbands account of it.

That said, no one should be “going mad at” anyone in a marriage - and it certainly won’t help and alcoholic to change their ways.

It’s difficult to say. My FIL drinks every night, he has 4 vodkas (NEVER more, and has stayed at this amount for 40 years) starts at 6pm on the button and is finished for 8pm, is the hardest working man I know, never misses a day at work. I’ve never seen him drunk, the alcohol doesn’t change his personality and he’s a lovely man. Is he an alcoholic? Probably. But he’s also an adult and can make his own choices, he’s not harming anyone except maybe himself physically, but probably no more than obese people or those who smoke. His family don’t see a problem and have never asked him to stop. In those circumstances I don’t see the need to label him an alcoholic. If your drinking is causing concern to your family it’s worth listening to them.

Do you not think that finding life without alcohol boring is a concern in itself?

Cheese isn’t addictive though. And it’s not mood altering.

Sadly, you do have a problem of you are drinking every day and using it as a stress relief and crave thaf feeling.
Try and cut doen to say two nights a week, could you do that easily?

I think you're heading for an issue and need to take action now to seriously cut back on your alcohol. Drinking everyday isn't good.

You know op, you know!!!

But you're not admitting it

No I agree but I'm pretty sure that's the minimum NHS guidelines so that's why I went with it.