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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I don’t have a alcohol problem

426 replies

Boingyboingy · 06/09/2025 11:16

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

OP posts:
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DaisyChain505 · 06/09/2025 12:03

Yes I’d say this is an issue.

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 06/09/2025 12:04

As others have said, try stopping for a week or two and see how much you crave it. I don’t think daily drinking in itself is a problem but reliance on it is. Other people commenting can indicate an issue but not always - depends on their own experience with alcohol.

I’m just back from an AA meeting and am 18 years sober - alcoholism can hit you at any age. I know people in their fifties who became alcohol dependent after the death of a parent, for instance.

SatsumaDog · 06/09/2025 12:04

I know exactly what you mean op because I used to feel the same way. The fact is that I had become reliant on it and it was going my health and relationships no favours. I would recommend you try to stop for s as bit; see how you ho without it.

Blueuggboots · 06/09/2025 12:04

you have a close family member who is alcohol dependent but still drink.
you like the feeling when you’ve had a drink.
you drink 6 days out of 7.
your husband has expressed concern and you have dismissed him.
you absolutely have a problem.

jettisoned · 06/09/2025 12:05

How many is 'a few'? How many units are you drinking each week?

MaggiesShadow · 06/09/2025 12:05

If you're drinking daily to the point that it's altering your mental state, which it is, then I would say that's a problem.

Twinkylightsg · 06/09/2025 12:06

I think the fact you do it everyday and need it to destress is what makes you an addict. Think people get bogged down on the idea of severe alcoholics but there are many different degrees of types of alcoholics and how they function.

Wadadli · 06/09/2025 12:06

Boingyboingy · 06/09/2025 11:16

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

Your DH is right: you’re a functioning alcoholic

ThatDaringEagle · 06/09/2025 12:07

'De Nile' isn't just a river in Africa !'

Sorry OP, you've clearly got a drink problem.

all the warning signs are here to read: i.e. you drink nearly every day, the amount you feel is ok, cos you don't fall down or vomit due to drinking (!?), your DH is very concerned about your drinking habits, you have a family member who has already recognised that they are an alcoholic, and you seem to be in denial about your own drinking and the effects on your & your loved ones lives. All classic alcoholic traits.

The only one who can change this is you OP. And the first step you need to make is to recognise you have a problem.....

P.s. BTW I think that is actually why you are posting about this on here, you are beginning to realise you may have a problem.

Good luck OP 👍

Tam285 · 06/09/2025 12:07

I'd be wary OP of people that say 'if you can stop for a week then it's not a problem'. It might not be a serious, life threatening problem if you can stop for a week but it really doesn't mean it's not a problem. I've read about plenty of people who clearly have a problem but who have been able to stop for a week and so believe that proves that they don't.

Brightlittlecanary · 06/09/2025 12:09

How much do you drink, honestly. A glass a day, a bottle, two?

SchnizelVonKrumm · 06/09/2025 12:11

Drinking every day and "craving" it? Yeah, you're an alcoholic. Sorry.

mbosnz · 06/09/2025 12:14

There is no such thing as being 'past all that'. Tolerance levels, and bad habits can creep in and up over time. And the thing with having alcohol addiction and addicts in the family is that so often we don't 'know better' as a result, but instead have had unhealthy attitudes and practices with alcohol as a model, and normalised. And, of course, we can so often say, 'well, I'm not as bad as x, so yeah, I don't have a problem. That's what a problem looks like, and I'm not looking like that, so it's okay'.

For me, there's a couple of red flags that I watch for.

'I need alcohol to relax and wind down/ I need alcohol to go to sleep', is a big one - FOR ME.

Another one is when it starts to dominate thought patterns/ how I plan what I'm doing with the day, is another. E.g., I found myself worrying that I had a bottle of wine in for the evening, (or enough bottles of wine!), even very early on in the day. And, hand in hand with that, looking for things to justify drinking that evening - something bad happened in the day, something good, that sort of a thing. Or preferring not to go out, rather to stay at home and drink, that sort of thing.

If your DH is worried about your drinking enough to voice it, I'm guessing he's very worried - it's not an easy thing to bring up, because the response is unlikely to be good! He may have overly moderate ideas of what constitutes health attitudes and behaviours with alcohol, we don't know. But if it's impacting on him and your family, then they have a right to their opinions and feelings on the matter, and to voice them to you, hard as it can be to hear, and listen to.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 06/09/2025 12:15

AmazingBouncingFerret · 06/09/2025 11:34

You do have an alcohol problem because the amount you drink is causing your husband to be concerned. That is a problem.

Unless it's a husband problem...

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 06/09/2025 12:15

I stopped drinking 2 years ago. I wasn’t an alcoholic but was drinking daily (in the evenings) and could easily drink a bottle of wine and function fine the next day. I am an all or nothing person so am unable to moderate. I could not drink on certain days but was unable to just have one when I did drink. I am feeling much better (less anxious and less snappy) and now don’t miss drinking.

Maybe try and cut down and see how that goes?

justasking111 · 06/09/2025 12:16

Boingyboingy · 06/09/2025 11:16

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

My DH like this, but his mother was an alcoholic so he can be very judgemental when women drink. Not men though

Plastictreees · 06/09/2025 12:16

It’s good you can some insight into what’s happening. I wouldn’t get too caught up on the term ‘alcoholic’. Essentially you are dependent on alcohol to help you to relax. You need to find other strategies to achieve the same outcome and reduce stress. I think getting support for this now would be a good idea.

You will also feel much healthier when you stop drinking everyday.

mbosnz · 06/09/2025 12:16

Oh, one last thing, sorry for the core dump there, but it's not so much how often I drink, or how long I can go without alcohol, it's whether I can stop when I start. So, can I have just one glass, or does that one glass turn into the whole bottle, or most of the bottle (because if I leave a little in the bottle, I can say I did stop, lol.).

ThatDaringEagle · 06/09/2025 12:17

Tam285 · 06/09/2025 12:07

I'd be wary OP of people that say 'if you can stop for a week then it's not a problem'. It might not be a serious, life threatening problem if you can stop for a week but it really doesn't mean it's not a problem. I've read about plenty of people who clearly have a problem but who have been able to stop for a week and so believe that proves that they don't.

💯 agree.
Just cos you (can) stop for a week, only means you can stop for a week, it doesn't mean you don't have a drink problem.

If you can stop for 6 months or a year say, & then just drink sparingly just 1 or 2 days a week (say at weekends ) after that, then that might mean you don't have a drink problem.

But alcoholics can't live like this unfortunately, and alot of them waste alot of their lives trying to prove otherwise sadly.

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 06/09/2025 12:17

InOverMyHead84 · 06/09/2025 11:37

"I drink everyday."

I didn't need to read any further.

This. See if you can stop for a week of ten days and see how you feel then.

I consider people that drink every day as having an alcohol problem.

I used to drink a lot. I went through a period of about 2 years when I was probably never actually sober as my job then included drinking too. A friend died as a result of his intake and I stopped and changed my lifestyle. I have probably had about five drinks in the last three years. It is possible to do it.

MargaretThursday · 06/09/2025 12:18

not to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better

You have just described a "functioning alcoholic".

Notmyreality · 06/09/2025 12:19

AmazingBouncingFerret · 06/09/2025 11:34

You do have an alcohol problem because the amount you drink is causing your husband to be concerned. That is a problem.

Or does she have a DH problem…? 🤔

Sunshine99999 · 06/09/2025 12:20

OP you sound like my DH with your excuses. He drinks every day, a bottle of wine or more because he ‘likes the taste’ and ‘it relaxes him’. He claims it doesn’t affect him but it does, he isn’t falling down drunk but he is clearly intoxicated. He gets angry when I express concern and might promise to cut back but it never lasts. E.g. I’ll only drink on weekends - usually broken by Tuesday or ‘I’ll just have a glass’.

There have been several times when our young DD had been taken to hospital by ambulance for breathing difficulties and every time he’s been unable to accompany her because he’s been drinking. He starts when she’s in bed so 7:30 every day.

it affects every part of our life but he doesn’t see it. I don’t want to have sex with a drunk person, he is always tired because he’s up until the early hours drinking etc. He starts every day with painkillers yet denies he is hungover and sometimes he really stinks with alcohol stench seeping from his pores the next day.

Surely you can see how your behaviours are impacting on your family?

Septemberisthenewyear · 06/09/2025 12:20

You drink 6 days a week and you crave the feeling. Sounds like you have an alcohol problem.

GAJLY · 06/09/2025 12:20

Sometimes an unhealthy habit can develop over time. For years my father went to the pub every night for 2 pints, but never on Sundays. He was never drunk or let it affect his life. We never thought he was an alcoholic until he started going on Sundays and buying extra drinks for at home. When we asked him to take a break, he thought he could do it. He could not, and became angry. He realised he had a problem. He went cold turkey for years as he didn't like how it suddenly took a hold over him. Now he is an occasional drinker, just 1- 2 over the weekend. Never allowing it to spill into the week. Perhaps you can do the same and save it for the weekend? Because drinking most evenings is a slippery slope.

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