To think I don’t have a alcohol problem

[Boingyboingy]

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

Same as me. I used to drink far too much wine. It’s funny how it creeps up on you. To be fair, wine ended up affecting my sleep so much and causing crippling anxiety, that the decision was pretty much made for me.

I now pretty much never drink at home, only very occasionally at weekends. The last time I did this was 6 weeks ago.

We only go out about once a month, and I will have 2 restaurant sized glasses of wine.
if I couldn’t stick to this, I told myself I had to stop completely.

My friend who I would describe as a moderate drinker, had a routine blood test and her liver readings were too high. The doctor told her to stop drinking, and she did.

Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc is a very low bar. You haven’t said how much you are drinking but a ‘few’ most days is too much.

Many people stop drinking and find their lives are positively transformed. There are many organisations that can help, and plenty of free support. Have a look at the alcohol support threads.

But don’t stop without seeing a medical professional. Cold turkey alcohol withdrawal can be extremely dangerous.

So you don't have a problem with alcohol but have to drink 'a few' every day to feel okay. I am sure you are fully aware of what healthy drinking guidelines are.

What advice do you want to hear?

It’s a problem yes. I don’t drink lots and can go weeks without and can notice who is dependent very quickly and to wake up craving a drink is an issue. The reason I don’t drink lots is due to have an alcoholic father and sister growing up.

So dont drink for a couple of weeks and prove him wrong

This is really sad Koalabear12, sorry for your loss. However, this is inflammatory - your friend must have been drinking a lot every night. A glass of wine a day, like most people are mentioning here, isn't an issue. A bottle of wine a day clearly is.

Very sad news.

How would you feel @Boingyboingy if you went to have your Monday night drink and found there was no booze in the house and absolutely no way of getting any from anywhere

If you crave the feeling from alcohol you are dependent, perhaps a step away from an alcoholic but you are very much in the same ballpark. You have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

my advice is to introduce alcohol free days and find a substitute to chill you out - herbal tea, bath, chocolate, me time of some sort but not alcohol or drinks made to taste like alcohol but alcohol free because you need to detach that chilled out feeling from the drink

As someone who drinks regularly - you sound like you have a problem

How much are you drinking each evening?

After a FEW?!?!? That's an alcoholic!

I drink every day but it's one small glass of wine at 9.30pm. A bottle of wine lasts 4 to 6 days.

If I have tea I need to get up to pee in the night so opt for a small glass of wine instead.

How much are you actually drinking? The fact you have been very vague about the actual quantity indicates a problem.

If you drink everyday, use it as a tool (to deal with stress) and crave the feeling then you are an alcoholic.

Exactly. To some people, if there's a man involved, he must be the one in the wrong. 🙄

Yep.

I think there's a spectrum. When you imagine an alcoholic, you might think of someone drinking when they first wake up, who looks visibly drunk, behaving obnoxiously, and not holding down work or relationships. This obviously doesn't sound like you.

However, drinking everyday isn't healthy physically or mentally and I think it's that you rely on it to "deal with stress better" which isn't a healthy coping mechanism.

I also think especially as alcoholism is in your family, I would be extra cautious about what this could turn into.

Exercise is good stress management, even just a 20 minute run can give you a release of endorphins.

I’d say you have a problem because you use drink to reach the place you crave where you find some peace. If you can’t find it without drink, that’s a problem.

Listen to the audio book ‘Alcohol explained’ by William porter. Alcohol deeply affects the way peoples’ brains work and I thought exactly that when I read your post.

I’ll also say if anyone in your near family / household has a problem with your drinking, you have a drink problem. It’s a selfish behaviour and will damage your relationships.

Well life being boring is a concern, yes, but what can we do? We have to go through this life.

OP, I think if you’re asking whether you have an alcohol problem, it’s very likely that there is something there. And then you tell us you drink every day and crave the feeling.

You’re in charge. By starting this thread, there must be some part of your mind thinking about the damage you could be doing to yourself.

As others have said, the term 'alcoholic' is unhelpful. There is a whole spectrum dependency.

Clearly, we don't know your circumstances but if, as you imply, you rely on alcohol to avoid boredom and you dread abstinence then, although you might not be an alcoholic in the traditional meaning of the word, there would appear to be a level of dependency.

An alcoholic is physically addicted to alcohol.

"there would appear to be a level of dependency."

Sure, but no different from my psychological dependency on anything else that I enjoy e.g. internet, friends, cheese, etc.

This

How much daily? A glass of wine with your dinner is unlikely to be an issue and I’m sure people in many Mediterranean countries do this. But if it’s a bottle a day and you rely on it to deal with life, not so much.

If you drink enough to think about whether you have an alcohol problem or not, you probably do. How many units of alcohol do you have every day? You build up tolerance so not falling over or being sick doesn't prove that you are not drinking too much.

Alcohol dependence does not necessarily mean being physically dependent on alcohol. It can mean being psychologically dependent, e.g using it to relax, unwind, escape or block things out. The function of the substance is what matters. The term ‘alcoholic’ is really used nowadays.