To think our wedding might be massive failure?!

[Nervousb2b]

Hey guys, name change for this...

Will our wedding in a few weeks be a total disaster? The plan for the day:

1. A morning, Christian ceremony in a rural village church with around 40 adults and 10 children. Our two children will also be in attendance (our DD is only 18 months, very clingy and will likely need to walk down the aisle with me...)

2. A 40 minute drive to a rural pub located in the middle of a national park

3. A sit down, relatively casual 2 course meal there (I think a few people want to say a few words but we haven't planned for it as such)

4. A 20 minute drive to the final venue where guests who are staying will be with us. It has wild swimming in a natural lake, fire pits, hot tubs, and we've got a pizza van coming for evening food and alcohol will be there for when we arrive.

5. No music is allowed at the final venue (eeeeek). We aren't party animals and I want an early night due to small children, so I'm hoping this might work in our favour? Or is it really boring?!

6. For the following morning I have arranged for a caterer to come and provide breakfast, leaving for 10:00.

Does this sound okay to you? We are really panicking that it'll be a bit crap due to multiple venues, driving, children and no real plan!!!

EDIT:

You are being unreasonable - it will be fine
You are not being unreasonable - crikey, what a terrible plan that is

Can I come?

If anyone drops out can I come in their place? Please

Is it definitely too late to put on transport?

I’ll be completely honest. I’ll start by saying that it’s probably one of these events that if I were invited to I’d moan like fuck before hand about. Having to get up, out and wedding ready for a morning service. Then all the driving sounds a bit much and wild swimming in the UK in October - brr. I’d probably also need to bring multiple outfits. I’m an old git and I don’t drink so the early night wouldn’t bother me, but I’d be a bit “oh” at not even a bit of background music.

But I can see it being one of those events that although it might not sound the best beforehand, it’d probably turn out great and I’d end up raving about how nice it was.

Dont overthink it and enjoy your day x

OP I'm 99% sure I know your final venue, a few specifics the mention give it away and if so it will be great and I can also fully appreciate the geography/roads and those distances and travel times are very normal round there and nothing to worry about in my opinion! Have a great wedding!

I agree with this.

I know you did put the way you want people to vote, in your OP, but it is counter intuitive, as many people will think 'YABU to arrange the day like this' or 'YANBU to arrange the day like this.

I also am not quite sure of the point of you asking now TWO WEEKS before it is happening, and everyone you invited will have replied. I mean, what would you do if everyone here said it is a terrible plan ?
If you said "We are thinking of booking this for our wedding next year" I suspect you would get a different % or replies. The fact it is happening anyway means a lot of people will think 'Well, it's too late now, no point in making her more anxious about the unusual arrangement' and tried to find positive things to say when they would really be rolling their eyes at these arrangements.

BUT

You know the people you are inviting - we don't.
You know that people have made a choice to come - either because they think it sounds great, or more likely because they love you and accept that is what you have chosen.
Which brings us back to Why ask now ?

I think your voting is going to confuse people because the natural inclination is vote yabu for asking people to do all that driving/put so many restrictions whereas you've done it the other way round.

Yanbu to have whatever wedding you want, its your day, but tbh if I'd been invited I would have politely declined. So you are only BU if you didn't tell people the full details before they agreed to come - i.e if you only gave them one of the venues not all three. And/or if you guilt tripped people (i.e. close family members who feel obliged) to come.

It’s not too late to arrange a coach. People won’t be able to relax at the pub as there is more driving afterwards, other than that sounds like a lovely day :)

Tbh it sounds dreadful!! Too many venues, guests having the provide their own transport between venues, no music and no alcohol due to driving and just all a bit, well, bitty.

I like a proper party though which is all singing and dancing so prob my idea of heaven would be your idea of hell!!!

I’d be miffed if I was a guest with all of that carry on though - it’s too much (and too little )

I think it sounds wonderful and am not very outdoorsy myself. Hope you have a fantastic day!

OP, have you asked a reliable friend to take charge of transport and lifts, and give their phone number to everyone in case of eg breakdown on the day? That may be helpful.

But basically, everyone who loves you wants the day to go well. Your plans sound lovely. Little blips make good stories.

I was chatting to a friend today about mishaps we’d had at our (long ago) weddings. The lost paperwork! The wedding dress that vanished! The venue that cancelled! The squabbling relatives! We were falling about laughing.

Have a wonderful day, and don’t worry xx

@Nervousb2b All sounds great apart from 2. the 40 min drive to the pub. There are plenty of pubs, so I'd find one nearer. But really no need to panic!

I think weddings should reflect the couple getting married & although this is not a traditional set up it sounds lovely. If you’ll have to carry the baby down the aisle, can I suggest your older child also walks with you or stand with your partner - make it a proper family ceremony.

I would say that you although you’re not having a disco type evening, you might want to take some kind of speaker set up for your own playlist. The end venue has a house-party type vibe & dancing in the living room (or kitchen!) would make a good end to the day for me.

Have a lovely time!

Also, I appreciate that the pub meal means that some people will need to drive - but not everyone! Does no one ever go for a country pub meal where one person is designated driver?! The driver is then promised alcohol at the final ‘sleepover’ venue anyway.

Providing transport would be very complicated because it would have to start from final venue house at least an hour and a half before the wedding so people could leave their cars there.

Why do people organise these multi venue weddings where you have to shlep around for the entire day. What a nightmare.

You sent out invitations not a summons!
Anyone not going to celebrate with ye should stay at home. Copy and paste weddings are lovely but yours sounds lovely too. Enjoy x

Is the second venue some sort of glamping / camping set up?

( shudders and whimpers into a cushion)

I think you'll lose a few guests after the pub meal to various excuses and I think you need some food ready on arrival at the final place not just waiting on a pizza van. People like to drink eat relax and maybe dance at weddings, a lot of this is scuppered by spread about venues.

I think it sounds great and wish I was invited!
(and I generally dislike weddings)
Have a wonderful day OP

It sounds amazing! Have a wonderful day.

Sounds truly wonderful, @Nervousb2b !

Where is my invite !

Best wishes for the day!

I'd love it. I much prefer receptions with no music.

It sounds lovely. Much less dull than other weddings. I wonder if you could have fire works out a drive in cinema at the final venue. Or even just a good acoustic group or fiddle player beside a bonfire.

Why the need to do so many events? It does sound a bit much but your wedding so do what you want people can either come or not

We had some older relatives so did ceremony and reception only to save them moving around too much

I’m a wild swimmer. I swim through the winter in skins.

i’d have concerns about a couple of things:
firstly I’d consider doing a little “entertainments pack” for children at the pub. Just a box of maybe colouring and crayons, maybe a couple of little toys etc. children do get very bored at adult type meals and a pub outdoor play area only goes so far.

second, the wild swimming. Water temps at the moment are running around 19degrees (I did a mile yesterday) and anyone who isn’t used to it is going to find it chilly.

children feel the cold a lot quicker than adults do - I used to volunteer on “intro to open water swimming” events for adults and kids. The kids almost uniformly needed wetsuits and could only stay in for short times without shivering badly (and that was in water at 22 and air at 27).

so the kids’ll need wetsuits at a minimum. Are they allowed in hot tubs? Some venues ban under 16s or under 18s. If not then the parents could wind up with a (or multiple) very cold children who they are trying to warm up.

I’d also be concerned about the combination of alcohol and wild swimming.

you did say you were a swimmer (I think)… so hopefully this is something you’ve considered.