Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think our wedding might be massive failure?!

282 replies

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 20:17

Hey guys, name change for this...

Will our wedding in a few weeks be a total disaster? The plan for the day:

  1. A morning, Christian ceremony in a rural village church with around 40 adults and 10 children. Our two children will also be in attendance (our DD is only 18 months, very clingy and will likely need to walk down the aisle with me...)

  2. A 40 minute drive to a rural pub located in the middle of a national park

  3. A sit down, relatively casual 2 course meal there (I think a few people want to say a few words but we haven't planned for it as such)

  4. A 20 minute drive to the final venue where guests who are staying will be with us. It has wild swimming in a natural lake, fire pits, hot tubs, and we've got a pizza van coming for evening food and alcohol will be there for when we arrive.

  5. No music is allowed at the final venue (eeeeek). We aren't party animals and I want an early night due to small children, so I'm hoping this might work in our favour? Or is it really boring?!

  6. For the following morning I have arranged for a caterer to come and provide breakfast, leaving for 10:00.

Does this sound okay to you? We are really panicking that it'll be a bit crap due to multiple venues, driving, children and no real plan!!!

EDIT:

You are being unreasonable - it will be fine
You are not being unreasonable - crikey, what a terrible plan that is

OP posts:
Idstillratherbepaddleboarding · 05/09/2025 20:49

I think it sounds lovely. Can people really not enjoy a nice pub meal without drinking and can children really not enjoy and behave at a meal at a pub either?

StrongandNorthern · 05/09/2025 20:50

Sounds amazing.
If it was a 'disaster' ( which it won't be) ... better it's the wedding than the marriage!

Mrsttcno1 · 05/09/2025 20:51

Can you not organise a coach to sort the travel issue out for your guests OP?

Original poster
Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 20:52

beeautifullif3 · 05/09/2025 20:49

So 3 venues ? I absolutely could not be bothered with all that tbh

Ay, I hear you.

Thankfully because it's small, all of our guests really REALLY love us so my hope is that they're gonna bother with it.

However, in a parallel universe I'd so much rather it be all in one place! So thanks for your comment - I understand your perspective.

OP posts:
Myhairissopoofy · 05/09/2025 20:52

The individual elements sound lovely, but that’s a lot of driving for guests!

Waitingfordoggo · 05/09/2025 20:53

Re wild swimming in September and whether it would be cold…I’m not a wild swimmer (or even a pool swimmer in the Med!) but lots of friends are into it and I gather autumn can often have the best water temps as the water has had all summer to warm up.

Ansjovis · 05/09/2025 20:53

As others have said, it sounds like a lot of moving about and I don't think I would find that sort of schedule comfortable as a guest. And I don't drink alcohol so that's not a consideration for me. If this were my wedding I'd also be worried that the breaks would ruin the atmosphere. I agree with everyone who has said to organise transport if you can, this would go some way towards minimising the atmosphere disruption and would mean that guests don't have to worry about drinking as they wouldn't be driving.

That said, I presume that all of your guests know what the plan is and they've still RSVPed yes? Then that's all you need to know - some of them might be a bit daunted by all the moving about but the most important thing for them is getting to celebrate with you.

Cantseetreesforthewood · 05/09/2025 20:54

Only bit that would bug me a little would be one of us wouldn't be able to drink at the pub, as someone would need to drive again. But that's tiny in the grand scheme of things.

Absolutely no issue with the no music (we had no band, DJ or dance floor at our wedding) from this side.

I hope you have a lovely day, and a wonderful marriage.

Zov · 05/09/2025 20:55

@Nervousb2b

I'm not saying it will be a disaster, but it's not very well planned out IMO. I mean, 3 different venues, quite a few miles apart? Would not be for me.

The morning ceremony first, and then a 40 minute drive to the pub where you're having the meal (what's that, 25-30 miles?) At the meal, no-one will be able to drink, as they will be having to drive the 20 minutes to the third bit of the event - the night do. (15 miles or so?) And why no music? Confused I have never been to a wedding 'afterparty' with no music!

It all sounds a little bit like hard work to me, and like the day will be long, (morning wedding, so possibly need to be there by 10am or earlier? Then staying til midnight maybe?) Sounds a bit tiring. For the people who aren't staying at your venue, it will be a very long day! (In fact, it will be for everyone really, but worse for those who have to make their way back possibly 40-odd miles at night, after a 12-14 hour wedding!) 😬

As someone who has been to 2 'marathon' weddings this past 2 years. (Midday to midnight,) with big gaps in between 'stages,' I would not like this and would probably turn down the invitation. I would maybe go to the ceremony but not the rest. If you said all or nothing, I wouldn't come. Sorry. You did ask. Blush Two thirds of nearly 300 posters voting in your poll think YABU, (so far,) so it looks like quite a number of people think it's not a very good plan.

@idratherbepaddleboarding

I think it sounds lovely. Can people really not enjoy a nice pub meal without drinking?

Are you being serious right now? You would begrudge people wanting a drink at a WEDDING? A flippin' wedding?! Confused

Mumsnet never fails to disappoint when it comes to batshit comments!

MyElatedUmberFinch · 05/09/2025 20:57

It won’t be a disaster but it is a bit awkward for guests.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 05/09/2025 20:57

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 20:52

Ay, I hear you.

Thankfully because it's small, all of our guests really REALLY love us so my hope is that they're gonna bother with it.

However, in a parallel universe I'd so much rather it be all in one place! So thanks for your comment - I understand your perspective.

Show quote history

Don't listen too hard to the naysayers. The people coming to your wedding are your close family and friends and they will love the wedding because they love you. I think it sounds lovely - and even if I didn't, I would recognise it's something you've chosen and respect and enjoy that

yorkshireteabagman · 05/09/2025 20:58

OP! I've been to nearly 1000 weddings (photographer). If you described that to me I'd really look forward to your wedding.

Have the most amazing day. I wish my kids got to share my wedding day with us. Don't look at it like a day with an 18 month old, in years to come you'll all realise how lucky you were to share that together, what an amazing thing to look back on in 20yrs. Take time together, have someone lined up who can take 18 month old so you have time for you.
It flies by. Enjoy the ride

OldBeyondMyYears · 05/09/2025 20:59

I love all of this OP 😍

Anabellie · 05/09/2025 20:59

Sounds really lovely. Hope that the sun comes out and you have an amazing day 🤍

changenameagain555 · 05/09/2025 20:59

We had a different venue for our evening reception as originally we weren't going to have an evening bit, just a meal in a restaurant. Then changed our minds. It was about 20 minute drive from the meal. Nobody seemed to mind. If they did they didn't say anything to us. We thought it all worked out well and lots of people did say they liked the change of venue half way through the day to mix things up. So many people have been to standard wedding receptions that I always think its nice to do something a bit different. Personally I get a bit bored at wedding receptions. Driving wouldn't bother me either. Have a lovely day. The forecast is also supposed to be good for mid September so fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:00

Zov · 05/09/2025 20:55

@Nervousb2b

I'm not saying it will be a disaster, but it's not very well planned out IMO. I mean, 3 different venues, quite a few miles apart? Would not be for me.

The morning ceremony first, and then a 40 minute drive to the pub where you're having the meal (what's that, 25-30 miles?) At the meal, no-one will be able to drink, as they will be having to drive the 20 minutes to the third bit of the event - the night do. (15 miles or so?) And why no music? Confused I have never been to a wedding 'afterparty' with no music!

It all sounds a little bit like hard work to me, and like the day will be long, (morning wedding, so possibly need to be there by 10am or earlier? Then staying til midnight maybe?) Sounds a bit tiring. For the people who aren't staying at your venue, it will be a very long day! (In fact, it will be for everyone really, but worse for those who have to make their way back possibly 40-odd miles at night, after a 12-14 hour wedding!) 😬

As someone who has been to 2 'marathon' weddings this past 2 years. (Midday to midnight,) with big gaps in between 'stages,' I would not like this and would probably turn down the invitation. I would maybe go to the ceremony but not the rest. If you said all or nothing, I wouldn't come. Sorry. You did ask. Blush Two thirds of nearly 300 posters voting in your poll think YABU, (so far,) so it looks like quite a number of people think it's not a very good plan.

@idratherbepaddleboarding

I think it sounds lovely. Can people really not enjoy a nice pub meal without drinking?

Are you being serious right now? You would begrudge people wanting a drink at a WEDDING? A flippin' wedding?! Confused

Mumsnet never fails to disappoint when it comes to batshit comments!

Edited

Everyone coming to the evening venue is staying, so there are no marathons taking place thankfully! I'm sorry you had to endure the trauma of two of them.

Thanks for your comment though, I can completely see your perspective. Thankfully, I think because it's small, like I mentioned, everyone coming does love the bollocks off us, so your comment has provided some relief (even if it didn't mean to).

OP posts:
DominoDaancing · 05/09/2025 21:00

I would love this! Sounds great fun to be and I wouldn’t be that worried about the travel.

I’d much rather this than the traditional wedding format and I’d be very excited to be coming.

Have a wonderful time - congratulations!

Helpmechooseausername · 05/09/2025 21:01

I think it sounds lovely! If your budget stretches to it then a coach between venues would make it better, and the journey becomes part of the day as everyone is together so it will be fun.

But I came here to ask if the venue is 'no music' or 'no amplified music'? If the latter then you could have a small acoustic band, or even just a mate who likes to play their guitar for an impromptu sing along and boogie. Failing that, the silent disco idea is a great one!

tuvamoodyson · 05/09/2025 21:02

It wouldn’t suit me…couldn’t be bothered travelling between venues, no music etc, but it isn’t my day, it’s yours, so have fun!

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/09/2025 21:04

andfinallyhereweare · 05/09/2025 20:36

It’s not for me, I couldn’t have no music but if it’s what you want? Sure. I’ve been to all sorts of weddings and loved some, didn’t love others so much. It’s up to what you want really.

We had a solo classical guitarist, it was beautiful. Would the venue allow similar?
I would find no musical at all a bit odd.

35pEnergyDrink · 05/09/2025 21:05

I just keep thinking of the 12 children and hoping someone has been allocated to supervise them swimming

As they are the most likely ones to want to go in the water (surely your dressed-up guests won’t - even if they’re making positive sounds about it now?) then you really need to consider water safety.

Sorry if it sounds negative; it is important though!

bumbaloo · 05/09/2025 21:05

Trumpthecant · 05/09/2025 20:26

That doesn’t sound chilled to me. It sounds like a lot of travelling, no relaxing and letting hair down with a drink, and no merriment/dancing. Will anyone actually go wild swimming, or bring their costumes for the hot tub? Sounds more like an 18th. But it’s up to you.

Edited

The final destination sounds incredibly chilled. Firepits to sit around, hot tubs, wild swimming. There is alcohol if people want. Food. The only thing you wouldn’t get is drunken dancing which is frankly boring to a lot of people. People braying and dancing badly drunk and nursing hangovers is my idea of horrible

Babyboomtastic · 05/09/2025 21:06

Is your venue a hotel that you've got rooms at, but there'll be other guests? If so do you have a room?

Or (as it sounds like) have you hired the house? If that's the case, What's to stop a bit of low level music inside? Not blaring, but some background tunes. Maybe a £5 disco light for the kids?

incognitomouse · 05/09/2025 21:06

It's your day, your wedding so just relax and enjoy it.

It won't be everyone's cup of tea, it's not my idea of a fun wedding, especially all the faffing between different locations but these are the types of things that you suck up for other people!

Original poster
Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:06

35pEnergyDrink · 05/09/2025 21:05

I just keep thinking of the 12 children and hoping someone has been allocated to supervise them swimming

As they are the most likely ones to want to go in the water (surely your dressed-up guests won’t - even if they’re making positive sounds about it now?) then you really need to consider water safety.

Sorry if it sounds negative; it is important though!

Oh absolutely, a very sensible consideration - but yes, I have allocated people for this!

OP posts: