To feel weird about nursery staff putting bows in DD's hair?

[CalonHapus]

When DW picked up DD from nursery yesterday, they had put DD's hair into bunches with pink bows. They were apparently pretty pleased with themselves and were commenting on how 'cute and girly' DD looked.

We mostly dress DD in unisex clothes (which - as she's 14 months old - lots of people seem to read as 'boys clothes'). She has long hair which we mostly tie up into a 'pineapple' on the top of her head. We're not trying to 'make her look like a boy', we just like to put her in comfy, practical clothes that she can be active in. We don't put her in dresses very often because she tends to get tangled up in them or trip over the hem.

AIBU to feel like the nursery staff were trying to make a point by doing this? i.e. "you're not presenting her like a 'proper girl' so we will"?

And in Ireland it means sarcastic or cheeky, but that's really not how the OP is saying they meant it.

Assuming they said it at all of course.

You sound a little bit paranoid.

You're right - I really need to stop dressing her up as Elizabeth Bennet.

YANBU. I'd ask them to not put bows in her hair since she obviously didn't ask for them at 14 months.

My twin DD's are 16 months and I wouldn't be happy if nursery staff were putting stuff like that in their hair. Bows look ridiculous, especially the huge ones and as I said, at this age, they are too young to ask for it themselves so it's all about the nursery workers playing dress up with someone else's child.

They can’t win then can they as I’d be offended if they thought my daughter wasn’t girly and cute!

Yes, or just stop buying her badly fitting clothes.

Nursery staff were probably just bored and wanted to do something fancy.
If you don't like it just ask them nicely that next time her hair needs tying up, please just do the same style she came in with.

But she can wear girly things now right? She needs to know that’s ok too - it’s not just something she can choose to do when she’s older?

If a kid sees one kid having/ doing something they often want it too (my son as a toddler included). It wouldn't bother me either way.

I know what you're getting at but nursery staff are likely to be young women who are not hugely educated or politically aware and who like making the girls look cute.

If your daughter is happy there and the staff are nice I'd just let it go, it's pretty minor. You'll have forgotten about it in a couple of years

Does it help to know my boy's day care educator used to braid his hair?

I don't know how she did it, I could only get his hair combed by putting Bluey on. Whereas I'd arrive there to find him sat calmly infront of her while she braided it into a magnificent up-do.

If you’re feminists then allowing your daughter - and putting her into pretty dresses/pink/wearing bows in hair etc - is all
part of being neutral! NOT putting your child in them is actually putting your influence on them! Pink is actually a classical boys colour and blue is a girls if we’re going that route! Just put her in every colour or the rainbow if she wants to and buy her some glitter and pretty things and bows etc and sparkle - let her experience it ALL and then as a grown up she can decide what she wants to do/wear!!! My mum did this and fyi I hated dresses!!! 🤣🤣 was a proper tomboy and hated pink and anything girly but did love playing with my Barbie’s who wore all sorts and did their hair etc. I had a huge range of clothes abd accessories I played with and ironically age 35 I got into pretty pretty stiff, cath kidston vintage florals and then pink and omg over the top pink once menopause happened 🤣🤣 going through a second childhood now in my 50’s where I buy plouise products and love all their boxes and gorgeous pink pretty packaging and it’s very refreshing and I so wish my mum was still alive to see this as she’d be very tickled to see it 🤣

When a child is too young to decide for themselves how to dress, the parents decide and are unlikely to go with clothes they dislike. Some parents will almost always dress their daughters in the traditional 'girly' way and others won't, some will also do a bit of both.

I don't dress my twins ''girly'' because I don't like it and at 16 months old, they give no fucks how they are dressed. If they want to prance around in bows and dresses when they are older, they can. I'm not going to automatically buy them bows and dresses when they are too young to decide themselves just because they are girls though.

I think this is you being over conscious about dressing her in unisex clothes and this feels invalidating. The staff were giving her attention and fussing with her hair which is sweet - they were not enforcing girliness on her since the accessories can be taken out at any time!

I think this is a really important point.

What's important in nursery staff is that they are loving and kind and your child likes them. They don't have to be third wave feminists.

The way you say ‘prance about’ suggests judgement to me…

Of course - she has loads of different types of clothes, including dresses (although with dresses, we tend to stick with the shorter ones and put leggings underneath for practicality).

Small children dressing up tend to prance about, especially if we're talking about the really girly dresses and such like. If they want that when they are older, that's absolutely fine but at 16 months, I don't think it's necessary for me to dress them like that just because they happen to be girls.

Small children dressing up tend to prance about, especially if we're talking about the really girly dresses and such like. If they want that when they are older, that's absolutely fine but at 16 months, I don't think it's necessary for me to dress them like that just because they happen to be girls.

So what if they are making a point as you think they are ? It doesn't matter? I don't think so. Just nod and smile if they say it again.

Yours isn't the only kid in unisex stuff, they probably don't even care.
Honestly people act as if its pink is poisonous! Would you have been ok if it was blue and she was described as smart?

I feel your pain. I took my dog to the groomers and she came out with a pink bow. I asked them to leave the bow off in future.,
I would have loved that!! But blue of course because I have three boys!!

This is so ridiculous.

There is no way they would have done it as a bit of a jibe to say they don’t think you’re dressing her girly enough. Everyone gets offended by that cack these days, so there’s no way they would risk it.

They just had a nice time with your Daughter and did her hair nice.

Because only politically ignorant simpletons like their kids to look cute.

The intelligentsia prefer their children to look as unsightly as possible, so everybody knows how enlightened their parents are.

God my DD just loved having her hair plaited by the TA at one point - I think it was a breaktime thing that loads of the girls used to get her to do their hair! I really wouldn’t get worked up about this.

But surely true gender neutral advocates would say all children should wear anything and everything at any point because gender has no boundaries. The fact they are a girl is irrelevant.

lol