To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

This is bloody brilliant!

I'm on the side of showering before the deed. Both partners. Who wants smelly wee/poo bums/bits/fingers anywhere near them?

You can’t be seriously comparing your DH to your cat??? Pls pls say you are cos that’s just absolute gold. 😆

How bizarre so many people think he should be showering after a shit before sex. Is everyone really having a shower immediately before sex? I find that hard to believe to be honest.

lanzarotelady they just keep coming don’t they. I feel like I’m in a weird comedy sketch 🤣

Ok, this is one of those things that once you see, you can never unsee, or more accurately, once you notice, you can never unnotice!

The wall between the vagina and rectum is actually quite thin (or maybe just me post kids!). So if you have poo in your rectum waiting to come out, you can literally feel it with your fingers against your vagina wall-like every bump of poo…. If you are very backed up, it’s extremely noticeable during foreplay…

I am super conscious of this as my DH is a doctor.

But I’ve just asked him is it’s a known thing for men and he paused and said in his younger years friends have been known to pass comment on this but he doesn’t think it’s a ‘thing’ that men will specifically notice. He just happened to as he has a medial background. And now he’s apologising for the millionth time for ever mentioning it 😂

Yeah me too. Definitely almost spat out my tea!

I am surprised most of you manage to have a sex life if I am honest.

NC for this obviously but if you’re giving oral then yeah…
I was on the bed with (ex!) partner standing up for oral, and so because of the position my nose was pretty close to his arse, and I realise he has been for a shit recently and well. I could smell it
also men that don’t wash/rinse after the toilet and end up with drops of wee - I have also encountered someone smelling of wee and expecting oral

plus the ridiculous thing some men have about not washing their arsehole as “it’s gay”

Yes! Millions/Billions of people around the word have sex at night having not washed since the morning. Some people don't even have running water and still have manage to have regular sex. I can't imagine hopping out of bed to quickly have a shower after remembering that I had a poo at 10am but showered at 7am.

Maybe he is excited for the sex.
When I get excited for something (unfortunately not for sex now) ir makes me want to poo too.
Id probably try keep it secret and shower before the sex though

Yeh this is bollox. Sorry. Most men are just thrilled to be balls deep. They are never thinking about if you are backed up fgs. Your dh had done a right number on you here!

I guess if you need to go you need to go but I find it grim that you know he is having a poo, I wouldn’t have a clue what time of the day my husband poos, how did it come up in conversation, can you hear him or worse smell him?!? If so that’s gross, your to involved in his pooing habits.

I have never felt that I have to shower after I poo, nor do I expect it of intimate partners. Is it a problem for you because he's coming directly to bed? Would you be OK if his bowel movement was mid-afternoon but he didn't shower between then and sex?

How is it ‘gay’ to clean your bum hole?!

Cannot cope with this thread

I too am keen to find out what I’m missing here

My cat is my DH! I’m very happily single but this MAY reflect an ex!! 😂

It’s gay to wash your bum? I’m learning so much…every day is a school day!

Only joking. I didn't really wash my bum in the work's sink. I'm not an animal.

I used the jet from the water cooler like everyone else.

😂😂😂

I suspect a lot of the people being grossed out are a similar age to me (late 40s, menopausal). When I was younger I couldn’t have given a flying fuck about such things, in fact I couldn’t have told you when the person I was having sex with last had a shit, or even a shower (although obviously picked those who smelt good so hopefully frequently)! But now it’s like some switch has gone in my head where everything has to be super hygienic and I’m pretty yuck’ed out by a lot of things. The thought of some unshowered, sweaty man in my nice clean sheets, especially after he’d just done a poo is enough to make my vagina clamp up. Nope.

If a man is sitting down for a poo, surely there could be a chance of splash back or splash up... ? Then all of that wiping and then the very same fingers being used in foreplay. Both showering has reduced my utis and I relax more if we are both clean without the day's solid and liquid residue. I've always felt sorry for our female ancestors having to sleep with smelly men.

He can’t help when he needs to poo.
Unless you’re touching or licking his bum hole what’s the issue? Am sure he cleans himself after!

TBF I wouldn't feel very intimate either but the OP's post reads like she's just ttc more than it being romantic and wanting to make love.

Oh god my Google is going to be ruined but yeah, there were articles about it