To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

Exquese me ? What on earth are you talking about. Are you concerned that OP DP (pun intended) is having a shit then finishing by quickly fucking his own bumhole with his penis before he does the deed with OP?

That's exactly the look I was envisaging.

spot the people who've never had impromptu sex in the middle of a field at midnight after a weekend of camping.

Oh no. You must not poo, fart, sneeze or come at me with any sort of sweat or smell.. you must be primped and powdered, and sprayed with the finest of perfumes like a pretty french poodle before i will deign to allow you to put your penis within me.

He needs to shower afterwards, more fool you having a baby with a man with filthy habits.
He could have a poo fetish.

Yeah that's gross, and my husband wouldn't like me just using the loo for a poo before having sex either tbh, it's hard enough to keep the romance when TTC let alone knowing someone's just had a poo and didn't shower after it at least.

Who are all these people who can’t wipe their arses properly and need a full shower after taking a shit?! Baffling

That's a bit of a str

yeah.. no. not going there... not when it involves assholes.

I mean it’s definitely a bit of a turn off. Can he not do it earlier in the day?

I think there’s a difference between spontaneous sex, where you’re in the moment and not thinking about washing etc.

If at home, going to bed with the intention of having sex is different.

if we just do it spontaneously that’s one thing, but if it’s planned then we both freshen up first.

Should we also feel sorry for your children that you felt the need to make your snarky comment? Or should we all - you included - accept that we are all using the same forum and do not occupy any sort of high ground over anyone else?

P.S. it doesn't take much common sense or basic decency to realise that TTC can be fraught with issues for many women. Making completely uncalled-for comments about whether or not women deserve to be able to have babies with nasty remarks about "feeling sorry" for their future children is disgraceful. Imagine how that could feel if OP struggles to conceive.

NRFT but men have hairy bum holes.. no one wants cling ons flying around during sex!!

This thread is amazing. Lordy if some posters got time travelled back to the thousands of years in which humanity managed to procreate without showers (or indeed loo roll) eh?

it’s all a 2025 reverse version of Jonathan Swift’s Celia poem which is all faux horror at the discovery that his adored has normal human anatomy (“Celia, Celia, Celia shits!”)

(almost raising the tone … and yet not).

This thread is really stressing me out. DH and I have "an appointment" for sex tomorrow morning ( yes yes I know, where's the spontaneity?) as all 3 kids(including 2 very clued-in teenagers) will be out of the house and we're both off work!!!! Really looking forward to our morning together... until now 😬 Suddenly, I'm worried about poo!!!!! I'll probably try and poo first-thing and then shower. What about him? Should I ask him what his plan is?!!

I feel like I live in a parallel universe. It wouldn’t even occur to me to know to care if my fella had a short before sex. I mean why would I care? I’m not shagging him up the arse or eating his arse so why is it any relevance to me?

Not sure what's wrong in using the toilet before. Surely he'll be uncomfortable if he tried to control it. I often go to the toilet, brush etc. and feel fully fresh and ready for intimacy. I'd rather not be trying to control a fart or be worried that I might have to stop half way!

please tell me how this has got you into trouble. I'm in stitches here imagining your colleagues seeing you hovered over the sink trying to clean your bum.

I agree with you, OP. That would really put me off. Why can’t he just shower?

Brush? What you brushing….. dare I ask?!

That poem is tremendous! Love it 😂✍️

Does no-one on Munsnet ever have spontaneous sex in any places where there isn't a shower to hand? 😳

If I was in bed waiting I woudl find it off putting too

maybe both compromise about timings …

you need the toilet jet thing to freshen up with

This thread is really stressing me out. DH and I have "an appointment" for sex tomorrow morning ( yes yes I know, where's the spontaneity?) as all 3 kids(including 2 very clued-in teenagers) will be out of the house and we're both off work!!!! Really looking forward to our morning together... until now 😬 Suddenly, I'm worried about poo!!!!! I'll probably try and poo first-thing and then shower. What about him? Should I ask him what his plan is?!!

Nothing has ever put me off British music festivals as much as the fact there aren’t really any shower amenities.

Imagine the smells of all those people sweating, drinking, having sex and being on mud up to their knees all weekend. Absolutely fucking not. Grim, grim, grim.

I just know James Joyce would be all over the anti-shower MN ladies.