DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Mumsnet is full of drama and hand bags. This thread will be forgotten about tomorrow. Op doesn't need to justify or explain herself she received good advice. I don't see women out on the street tooing and froing like this. You'd expect this behaviour from teenage girls. I think people come here for a good argument to let of some steam. It's very hard to take this forum seriously.

Is this a teenage Forum?

Why not just say “DSD picked baby up”? Why does she have to point out she’s not normally there at all? What relevance did it have to the OP? People are pointing out that the choice to include this information as if it were pertinent, and the particular words used to convey it, are suggestive of how OP sees SDC in relation to her family. That’s all.

By “rip the shit” do you mean point out that it’s inappropriate use of language?

@Blessthismess2 let’s all be honest. Quite a few words and phrases used to “point out” from a bunch of grown adults on this forum have been rude and offensive. There are simple ways to “point out” without being an arsehole

You say that but it also reveals how you view her - as a visitor not as a family member.

Teach her how to pick him up and support his neck. There, easy.

Hate these posts, why bloody ask just to argue with everyone?!

Yes that’s true.x

@Sugargliderwombat hate these posts, why post if you have absolutely nothing remotely helpful to bring to question?

@Birdsongsingingagainandagain again I’m curious, how would you phrase this? I was simply explaining the series of events
what I have learnt is explaining she was visiting and that it was my DSD would have been a lot less hassle to leave out from the post all together. I was being factual but no neither are exactly important to the overall question

Why argue instead of just giving advice to OP's very simple question?

How is it inappropriate language ? It’s only inappropriate on MN. OP said her DSD was visiting and posters immediately leapt on it as though it was some sort of admission of hatred of the girl, then OP was accused of the same old tired shite levelled at all step parents on here. Cue a giant derail borne of a minor detail, yet again. Right from the first post. OP’s clarified what she meant severeal times but has succeeded in digging herself a bigger hole because now whatever she says will be seen as back tracking or drip feeding. It’s pathetic that grown women will treat a new mum like this.

No it bloody doesn’t. It’s a quick summary of the sequence of events, and that’s all. Everything else is in other people’s heads because OP is a step parent and they’ve come to the thread looking for a pile on.

I think it’s perfectly pertinent to the OP’s post. It means DSD isn’t there all the time, so doesn’t interact with the baby on a daily basis, and may not be confident in handling him. Which is relevant. I don’t think it says a single thing about how OP sees her DSD. At all. I think the posters making those connections maybe need to realise that it says more about them than it does OP.

Jesus Christ, have you nothing better to do ?

4th trimester 🤣🤣

Fully agree with you.

Also, the only term that's been suggested instead of "visiting" is "being present with her family" 😁

Ludicrous!

DSD sounds confident enough in holding their sibling to do it when alone. I think if OP is concerned about her DSD’s technique then it’s her responsibility to teach her DSD how to safely interact with her sibling. This should have been done on day one, really.

DSD is probably very frustrated at being so strictly restricted in how she can interact with the baby.

No, because it's subjective.

Are you not familiar with the term? It's an important stage for the mother and new baby.

OP, you've contradicted yourself in your posts, as you've said that you found your baby screaming mid being picked up, then implied that he was screaming afterwards, so that doesn't make sense for a start.

Also, instead of being 'horrified' that your dsd was picking your child up, maybe you should be thankful that a) she's obviously trying to bond with him, and b) she might've been worried that he was upset or uncomfortable or whatever, and so decided to try and comfort him.

If you don't trust her to even pick the baby up, then you shouldn't have even left your baby in the room for a minute (and I bet you were gone for a good few minutes at least if you were folding the washing), as anything could've happened which meant your dsd could've needed to pick the baby up. Your baby could've been choking on his own vomit or milk or whatever, so it's totally irresponsible of you to expect her to watch him but not even attempt to lift him out of his basket.

Your dsd is 12 years old, she's not a baby. I actually think (judging by your comments about her visiting, and making out it's too awkward to talk to her) that you resent her and are looking for any reason to nit pick about her.

You don't come across very well in your posts.

Blimey, whether anyone agrees with op or not she’s just had a baby! We all did things differently and it’s up to each family.
This thread is crazy! Remember when mumsnet used to be supportive (and fun)?

absolutely agree whole heartedly.

I had been helping my mum with young babies from a lot younger than 12 and was more than competent and trusted to lift, feed and lay a baby. I could put them in their car seat, soothe and settle etc.

12 is a perfectly reasonable and responsible age. Being very precious and distrustful of your DSD is working against you, OP.

Your dsd is 12 years old, she's not a baby. I actually think (judging by your comments about her visiting, and making out it's too awkward to talk to her) that you resent her and are looking for any reason to nit pick about her.

OP has explained 'visiting' was just meant as a quick phrase as she doesn't live here – do you have a reason for disbelieving this?

She also didn't say it was awkward to talk to her. She said she was sensitive and she didn't want to upset her. Why are you inventing phrases the OP hasn't used?

@Dancingintherain11 whilst you may think you’ve made a brilliant summary of the post in full, you fail you include that my son who is 11 years old had the same treatment (and I understand why, it doesn’t fit your narrative)

I will save myself the time and effort, I am not and will not spend another day explain myself to someone who has painted their own picture in my head.

If that’s what you believe, so be it. I hate my DSD, I’ll soon be demoting said child to the dogs bed/or maybe the cupboard (I’ll see how I’m feeling on the day) and god forbid she touch my child (see how I use I, because he’s mine and my DH has no say in what I do or how I parent)

Have a wonderful day.