To be shocked people are actually rear-facing their primary age kids

[EmsandPens]

My DD is 4, 5 in December and we swapped her from rear facing to forward facing in January this year. She started primary school recently and I noticed one of her classmates is still rear facing. I know the family from around town but had never seen them putting their kids in the car before and I know this child is already 5 and has pretty long legs for her age.

I know on Mumsnet it’s quite common to hear people saying rear facing until 6/7 is best but I had never actually seen anyone around here doing it.

AIBU to be shocked people actually rear face their primary age children?
Did you rear face your child past 4?

When my children were born, in the early 1980s, the vast majority of cars only had seat belts in the front seats.

As babies they would usually be put in a carrycot on the back seat, or be held in someone's arms in the back seat. Once they were able to hold their head up, they were put into a Britax baby's car seat, which in those days was a very basic thing, usually a simple bucket-shaped seat with little or no padding and certainly no side protection. All such seats were forward-facing, as I recall. Ours certainly were anyway.

When they were toddlers they regularly spent time with their grandparents and were transported in the back of their car with no restraints or seat belts.

I shudder to think of all this now that I realise just how unprotected my children were in cars throughout their early years. Thank god we were never involved in an accident.

You sound easily shocked… if they still fit the seat then what is the problem?

I absolutely do judge any parent who turns their child forward facing before the age of 4. The information is out there and widely available but parents choose to ignore it. You could be the safest driver in the world but still get hit by someone else, why take the risk with your child's life? My eldest was rear facing until their seat was outgrown at 6 years, my second is now 4.5 but small for their age and will be kept rear facing until their seat is outgrown around age 7 or 8. They have plenty of space for their legs, have never once complained it is uncomfortable, and can see perfectly fine out of the side and rear windows. I only know of one other parent at school who still rear faces their school age children so I'm well aware we are in the minority, but keeping my children safe is of far higher importance than following the crowd.

And for those of you with "survivorship bias" saying you turned your children at 6 months old and they were fine as you never had a crash, there are plenty of stories out there from families who were not so lucky. Here's one example from Australia: https://www.kidspot.com.au/lifestyle/family-health/my-world-was-shattered-i-woke-up-to-a-nightmare/

This is now illegal.

Why are you “shocked”? It is safer, you know it yourself- just because people don’t do the safest thing it doesn’t make it shocking.
we rear faced till over 5 and swapped only because my daughter was getting car sick

Same!

Mine is nearly 30 actually, but when she was small I followed all latest advice on everything in order to keep my PFB safe. However, it was thought OK then to be just rear facing in the carrier and after that forward facing in a 5 point harness, so probably around 1 yo.

By the time she started school I think it was just a booster.

However, I am sure if the advice had been whatever it is now I would have tried to follow it. Although mine also was prone to car sickness on long journeys.

A toddler screaming and crying and throwing up may distract the driver. A quiet happy child who isn’t miserable and sick means that the driver is less likely to crash the car. Also, not everyone has a huge car to fit the bulky rear facing car seat.

I understand the annoyance of those who don't rear face - but it is an impossible argument to voice (or win).

You can't argue against someone whose position is "This is safer for my child".

That being said, I do still understand their feelings. We all have different tolerances to risk, and different blind-spots when it comes to risk. I guarantee 100% that every parent who rear-faces also does something else that is risky/dangerous but feels fine about it. Hence where the frustration/negative feelings come from. There is a degree of hypocrisy to every risk-based decision, but that doesn't mean the decision isn't right. Things can be both hypocritical and right. (e.g. making a right decision, after you have made an equivalent wrong one, might make you a hypocrite, but the right decision is still right).

You don’t need a huge car to fit the ERF seats.

Car sickness I think is a bit of a red herring. All babies have to rear face and I don’t think there are massive numbers of parents crashing their cars because their babies are crying. My kids screamed their heads off in the car as babies, but we coped with it because it was essential for their safety.

Minimum age changed to 15months in 2017, so in childcare terms very recent.

A couple of my close friends and my sister have ERF seats for their little ones (3 primary age now) and I’ll be doing the same. It’s a no brainer. Seats aren’t always any more expensive than forward facing ones and you only need one to get them to high backed booster age. Safest option, I’ve no idea why people see it as a developmental milestone that the child has achieved. Now THAT is weird.

Mine vomited for the first time in the car when they turned forward facing.......... they also complained they had nowhere to rest their legs and they just dangled. I've had 2 family members killed in RTCs .
Both DC ERF until 6. Every family is different, every child is different.
Save your shock for parents who are actively harming their children rather than the ones who have assessed risk and made a choice based on that assessment.

Rear-facing is safer for as long as possible.

We turned DD around when she hit 18kg earlier this year- she's 5.

We went on a long trip this weekend and she spent the whole time crossing and uncrossing her legs, putting them up against the seat in front of her and sticking them down the sides.

It's way more uncomfortable to have legs dangling than crossed or folded in front.

My DD had just finished reception when we swapped her to forward facing. I was much more shocked that there were so many kids in her class who got into cars at school pick up and had no seat at all - not even a booster.
Rear-facing is much much safer and as I bought an expensive rear facing seat, I was going to get as much use out of it as possible!

Once it's securely tethered as if not it's too dangerous in a crash

My eldest is 5.5 and about to go into Y1. He is RF in my car and in a HBB in the childminders car. He's tall as well and absolutely fine. Will prob get him a HBB in my car early next year.

For those saying ERF seats are too bulky, if you are FF your kids, you need 50/55cm (I can't remember which!) between childs forehead and the seat in front, so with small spaces ERF seats can work better because you don't need that space.

Ha, yes! Mine graduated in 2017 so definitely not an issue for us!

No mention of that at all my dear , and no I never considered consulting a car safety expert when I bought car seats. I consulted the staff at the shop where I bought them from and who trained in fitting the seats safely.

it’s obvious from this thread that times may have changed regarding advice on this , I understand ops shock as do many.

insinuating that I lol at internal decapitation is as sick as your suggestion itself.

I am surprised by that, most of the primary kids round here seem to be out of car seats entirely! I’ve seen quite a few in front seats too which I haven’t let mine do yet.

I think most parents do their best for their DC, according to the information available to them at the time. It is clear that many posters do/did not ERF, for many reasons - there's no need to be rude to them.

FWIW my DC were over 135cm by age 7/8. When I asked advice from a car safety expert about how to best keep them safely secured in a car seat, they just kept repeating they needed to be in a high backed booster til 12 - they couldnt compute my DC (unfortunately not with me at the time), could be that tall. At 12, DC1 was 160+cm - taller than many adults. I could not get a sensible answer.

Feels like the ridicule is coming from people who don't see the value in ERF. I've lost count of the number of times you see snide comments about facing the seat/looking uncomfortable etc. If ERF doesn't work for you, fine, but don't attack parents who want their kids to be as safe as possible in the car.

My kids did. They were rear facing until they outgrew the seats, at ages 8, 6 and 7 respectively. It never occurred to me to put them in a less safe car seat until they were too big (tall or heavy) for the safer options.

That was over 10 years ago. I'm surprised it's not more common by now.

Wow !!!!!

That's a lesson for us all

Sorry to hear that xx

They could see where they were, omg

We swapped at 2, I’d have liked to keep rear facing longer but STBX wouldn’t and once he swapped to forward facing in his car there was no way DD would comply. To be honest it has helped her car sickness so it wasn’t entirely a bad decision.

I wouldn’t be shocked at 6 though, although I haven’t personally known anyone beyond 4 that has.