SIL still isolating due to covid risk

[dragontears]

AIBU to think this is no way to live now? She works from home and will only leave the house for essential errands with mask on. She is terrified of getting long covid. Feels like her life is very very limited for a 38 year old!

Anyone else have people they know in this position? How to support them?

Well it wouldn't work for me but I think that mud hut is rather fabulous - especially the mushrooms at the door! That looks to me like a houseproud person who likes their choice.

Personally I think living in a mud hut would make me feel I had the flu all the time more than a chemically-clean house, but I love the fact she has found something that works for her.

Some people are predisposed to anxiety and other mental health disorders and all it takes is a trigger. My 13yo son was always a little bit on the anxious side, but otherwise living a normal, well balanced, busy life. The pandemic flicked a switch in his brain - he was 7 when it all started - and he eventually developed OCD. At first I didn’t really suspect the pandemic as being a factor because he happily returned to school and socialising with his friends and seemed to be doing ok. But there were obviously worries and fears buried inside that took root and he eventually admitted to his therapist that the pandemic had profoundly affected him. I had a similar reaction to some of the stuff I was exposed to during the Troubles - like him, I developed severe anxiety and OCD.

It’s so sad that your SIL has been affected by the pandemic in this way. It’s obvious that she needs therapy to deal with her inability to move on. A therapist could hopefully help her understand that Covid, while potentially serious for some people, is part of life now and that it is possible to take a healthy approach to protecting yourself, while still having meaningful interactions with others. I feel incredibly sorry for her. But nobody can make her have therapy. That has to be her decision.

OP are you from the Emerald Isle? If so, I know the person.

They're trying to get planning permission to build a 'real' house. You clearly don't know these hippy types. Loads of them around here and they are the most conniving characters you could ever meet.

@dragontears one good angle for your DB to take with SIL is that the Covid strain is (as far as I know) getting weaker each year - so if she catches it now it’s more likely to be as a standard cold or flu.

I am COVID cautious. I wear my N95 100% of the time I'm indoors (except at home). I only eat in outdoor restaurants and cafes. We test whenever anyone in the household is ill. My children don't get taken to crowded ball pit type places but we do visit indoor things with masks on at non peak times.

COVID is a neuro invasive, vascular disease, and it's clear that every infection, however mild, leaves a mark on the body. It also damages the immune system and can cause cognitive decline. Just because the initial symptoms are mild doesn't mean you have been undamaged. Mainstream media has chosen to avoid the topic but there are articles highlighting the research/evidence on cognitive damage, risk of heart attack and strokes, immune system damage, long COVID etc if you look. And over 400,000 peer reviewed papers.

It makes sense to avoid catching it repeatedly and wearing a mask indoors really is not a problem. I will continue until a more effective vaccine is developed.

What breaks my heart however is children being sent to school with zero airborne mitigations and school admins that prioritise attendance over health. As a result, schools are infection pits, and children pass it on to their wider family and so it spreads. Yet since every infection is damaging, we should be doing everything we can to minimize multiple infections in our kids. In schools that means ventilation at least, preferably combined with air purifiers, and keep sick children home. COVIDsafetyforschools.org is a great resource - please have a look and ask your children's schools what measures they are taking.

The data is very clear (eg long term sick leave stats, not just in UK, and NHS staff illness absence data) that across the population, illness absence has risen continuously since 2020, and it's not because of vaccines.

You should instead be supportive of your SIL, mask up around her and show understanding. She's certainly not wrong to be cautious. And perhaps consider if it's wise to be blase about catching such novel virus about which we have much more to learn.

I don’t think it is.

I read somewhere that this is what they expected but it isn’t happening apart from Delta to Omicrom. It could just as easily get worse.

This reminds me of stories you used to hear about men who’s escaped internment by the Japanese during WWII and were discovered to be still living in hiding years after the war had ended. I think they had no idea that it was over.

I have a friend who is suffering from it so I 100% believe you

But currently she is choosing to limit her life for, what, the next 4-5 decades because of the very slight possibility she will catch covid and become so ill it limits her life...

Or, in other words, even if she did get long covid now and was very ill with it, chances are by 2028 she would be living a fuller life (even if still suffering to some extent) than she will be in 2028 if she carries on hiding from it.

You could as easily say "I've seen someone who was paralysed after a car accident/stabbed/seriously injured in a workplace accident" - those are all dangers we live with everyday. If we took all possible precautions to avoid anything bad happening nobody would ever leave their house.

Life is a risk/benefit scenario and at the moment she doesn't seem to be benefiting (or, indeed, living).

Lol. Do you think the SIL would be like "ooh I didn't know that about covid!" She's spent more time reading about it than most people on this thread could possibly imagine. What you've said isn't true anyway.

I know someone like this OP. They have a PhD in a scientific field and their fear is rooted in facts. Unfortunately it has completely curtailed their life for the last 5 years. they no longer work or leave their house unless it was a life or death situation. Luckily they are in their 40s and in good health.

We are supportive and understanding and submit to tests before we see them. They underwent a significant childhood trauma and I think their complete withdrawal from the world is now a mental health issue rather than a cautious approach to a known health risk. We can’t force them to seek help, just encourage it and not minimise their fears.

She’s living her life like she already has long COVID so what’s the point?!
Your DB needs to seriously talk to her about getting some help with her MH.
But if he isn’t willing to, it isn’t your problem!
It’s very sad!

Yes l agree.

But when l got Covid l thought ‘yeah I’ve got Covid, no big deal’ because l was disregarding it as everyone else did.

Being ill for 2 years shook me to my foundations. I don’t think what she is doing is healthy but l understand the fear of Covid.

It’s not that long Covid isn’t a risk it’s that you are over reacting to that risk. Getting in a car is a risk - the most common cause of death in children - but we just mitigate that risk in a way that doesn’t have a terrible impact on our lives.

By social distancing and putting your children in masks, you are causing other damage to them. Using hand sanitizer and avoiding soft play is fine but masking up your children and avoiding normal activities is a step too far. The impact will outweigh any benefits.

You should try going to talk therapy to see if you can work through why your behaviour seems valid to you considering the current threat levels. Particularly as long Covid in children is considered to be relatively mild so you are doing this to them solely to protect yourself from a perceived threat.

I doubt it matters what is stopping her going out, if it wasn't covid it would be something else.

Someone maybe a parent needs to talk to her as the dh can't cope with addressing it.

If she ends up self harming or worse family have got to feel like their did everything they could to offer support rather than looking the other way.

Exactly this. I've read studies on how it can impact the brain and nervous system in a very similar long term way to concussion patients. Given that my symptoms of post concussion syndrome nearly gave me a suicidal breakdown, I'm pretty annoyed when people downplay the severity and seriousness of Covid on some vulnerable people.

I know it doesn't affect all who get it in an adverse way, but it can have a horrible impact on some.

You refer to THE Covid vaccine, @dragontears . I think there have been at least 3, each of them covering slightly different variants. She needs to check that she has at least had the latest Pfizer and Moderna vaccines, including boosters as indicated.

It is frustrating that she won’t get the counselling she evidently needs. Maybe her husband might be able to persuade her?

She needs psychology. I suggest she goes to her Gp and asks for a referral. Psychology will be able to help her identify what she is scared of and how to gradually confront her fears, ultimately building her confidence and resilience.

I wonder what it could be!?

Actually send her to me: I could charge the fee for telling her what she already knows.

I don't think this is good advice for someone who clearly has mental health problems related to their health, however effective it might be. OP's SIL would probably just add this step to her existing routine and feel even more justified. The issue isn't how likely or unlikely she is to catch COVID, it's how much she's changed her life to avoid it and how detrimental that must be to her socially/mentally/etc.

The very NHS which we were ordered to “protect” is now having to deal with the aftermath of Saint Boris and his merry men deliberately “frightening the pants off the public” (the government’s words, in those WhatsApp messages they tried to hide, not my words).

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

thanks so much for responding and I'm really pleased to hear that things have got better for you :)
I'd very much appreciate the webinars
Very interesting what you say about your brain's coping mechanism kind of making it all worse
I was thinking of acupuncture for all this but not opposed to hypno/whatever. Not had it before but will try anything!!

@AussieManque where do you get an N95 in the Uk? I’ve tried everywhere.

Let me just find it….🥴

All viruses are novel. That’s because they evolve. Covid was a coronavirus and humans have been living with coronavirus since forever.

As for long term damage - you cite the worst case scenarios but forget how we and our immune systems have evolved and adapted over time. The immune system, like every part of our existed, must be educated. To be educated means a steady exposure to common pathogens so the body can clock up immunity.

It’s not viruses that make children really sick (unless they are already immunocompromised through, say, treatment for leukaemia), it’s lack of proper nutrition, lack of sunlight, lack of interaction with sensible adults, lack of exercise, lack of sleep. It’s also being forced to live in damp, cramped and mould-infested accommodation.

It wasn’t so long ago children used to die of asthma attacks because they were cold, malnourished and central heating didn’t exist.

I feel like some people, in the complete absence of threats like war, poverty, abuse, malnutrition, substandard housing have lost all perspective.

Maybe the OP needs to point out to her sister that she is already living like she’s got long covid anyway.