Page 7 | SIL still isolating due to covid risk

Soontobesingles · 01/09/2025 12:47

WitchesofPainswick · 01/09/2025 09:39

Yes you are right - especially with her age. Almost everyone in the long covid support groups I've seen have been women a couple of years either side of 50. (personally I suspect it fucks with inflammation and menopause.)

Have you spoke to her or your sibling about it (depending on who is their sibling in your family)? What do they think?

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I think the evidence actually shows that it is most likely in women aged 20-50, so if reproductive age. I have two female relatives (25 and 42) with long covid.

Calliopespa · 01/09/2025 12:50

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/09/2025 12:44

@Calliopespa

But why do we have to dictate what others do if they are genuinely happy with what they are doing? In this instance to me the problematic issue is that her DH seems affected by it. But were that not the case, so what, why not?

Because it impacts on other people. The DH is clearly impacted by it (and seems to have the patience of a saint but may not do indefinitely). If there were children involved it would be extremely damaging to them. I think people who have children have an obligation not to allow this sort of neurosis to impact on them. (I can't tell if that's the case here or not - it would be really shocking if she was doing this and she did have children). This sort of social neurosis doesn't happen in a vacuum: it has a huge negative impact on all the people close to the person.

There's a separate but related question about whether one can be "genuinely happy" living with this level of paranoia and isolation. Of course this woman should be free to live like this if she chooses to: I would never force her to put herself into contact she didn't want. But the answer to the "why shouldn't she live like this?" is that we don't want people to think this is normal. It's not.

I don't take as hardline a position on Long COVID as @Everanewbie as I know people who are affected by it and I know it can be debilitating. But I think at its most extreme level, that kind of obsessive health anxiety becomes a kind of self-indulgence.

At some point people like this need to be faced with a choice: you can carry on living like this and risk losing your family and friends or you can make hard choices and try to deal with your fears. It's not possible or fair to expect other people to endlessly indulge this stuff.

But I already added a proviso about her DH and said I think that sets this case aside somewhat. And she doesn't have children so that's a whole different set of facts.

It's the idea of people who don't know someone would be decreeing they can't be happy or their life is not worthwhile that I object to.

It wouldn't be a lifestyle that would satisfy me, but I'm not smug enough to think my choices should apply to everyone.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/09/2025 12:51

I'm pretty sure I had Covid (again) late July to early August. Lasted about 2 weeks for the worst of it, but 3 weeks to feel completely well. Started as very sore throat, almost instant sinus infection, no taste/smell for three weeks, would start to feel better then be exhausted and barely able to function. I'm trying not to get anxious about the kids going back to school as it seems we all get sick almost monthly. I totally understand how one can get into a loop of isolation.

BigDeepBreaths · 01/09/2025 12:52

Based on everything you have shared so far, I would be supporting my DB and asking him to consider how he sees his future. Does he want to have DC, visit other countries, get a pet….because SIL is not interested in changing her situation and it will no doubt impact their marriage. Id be focussed on helping him open his eyes and confronting this.

Soontobesingles · 01/09/2025 12:53

This is no way to live. Yet also as a society the way we completely ignore the risks of Covid and have moved to ‘it’s over’, when in fact it continues to be a highly dangerous and contagious illness that has caused many thousands of people to become disabled is astounding. I think that the massive increase in disability bill is likely related to the huge incidence of long covid (the fact the increase in disability benefits has been towards the same group of ppl - reproductive age women - as most likely to be impacted by LC is also an indication this is true).

Your friend is taking the precautions she feels are necessary. I know a few similar people and while I don’t agree with their approach, I keep my opinions to myself because they do have a point.

Objectionhearsayspeculation · 01/09/2025 12:58

As someone with long COVID since 2022, a chronic illness and a DC in long term recovery from a condition who is relying on me solely for her care I salute SIL. Despite us also being extremely careful my DH brought a “minor cold” home 3 weeks ago was ill for 2 days. His cold was actually Covid Dd2 was violently ill for a few days but Dd1 and I who are more vulnerable are still really ill I can’t breathe properly and I’m so exhausted I can hardly move for hours after looking after Dd1 who can barely swallow. We are both still curled up on the sofa on our pjs after 3 weeks.

Clangingpots · 01/09/2025 13:00

dragontears · 01/09/2025 11:41

He has also changed his lifestyle, which is troubling in itself, because it feels enabling of her issue, but I can understand that he wants to keep the peace.

He is naturally an introvert (as I mentioned earlier in the thread, she is actually the more extroverted one before she developed this issue), so he doesn't go out much and also works from home. When he does go out with his mates or comes to see us, which would only happen a couple of times a month, he has to sleep in the guest room and wear a mask for 48 hours afterwards!!!!

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DB had to stop enabling this behaviour. No more masks and sleeping in spare room. He shouldn’t curtail his and the children’s activities. How does she cope with them going to school etc?

he has to either take her to the GP or inform her Gp of how unwell she is.

this is not normal - this is severe anxiety that is off the scale and can be treated.

it is impacting on her, his and the children’s lives.

he has to do something urgently to get her to accept that she needs help.

mentally ill people often can’t see for themselves the issue and so even though she doesn’t appreciate it now - she needs him to find a way to get help to her.

CMHT have home treatment teams for exactly this sort of situation and he needs to contact gp / CMHT to get help for her.

MissMoneyFairy · 01/09/2025 13:02

I can emphasise with her, the government and the world lied to us about covid,it was underplayed, led to thousands of deaths, its still rampant and causing serious illness, I don't trust anyone but myself to take proper precautions now and I try to look after myself as best i can even if that's restricting, I avoid people as much as I can and feel very uncomfortable in crowded places and around coughs and sneezes.

LlynTegid · 01/09/2025 13:02

Sad to read that your DC have to all intents and purposes lost their aunt.

Wearing a mask when out, reasonable and I see that from time to time. Avoiding crowded places such as the theatre maybe.

I think help is needed and your DB needs to be facing up to this issue as well.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/09/2025 13:04

@Calliopespa

It's the idea of people who don't know someone would be decreeing they can't be happy or their life is not worthwhile that I object to.
It wouldn't be a lifestyle that would satisfy me, but I'm not smug enough to think my choices should apply to everyone.

It doesn't matter what I think and its not about "my choices". Living with this amount of isolation is widely acknowledged to be disastrous for people's mental health: there's tons of studies that show this. Leaving aside the question of what it does to their friends and families, which you're putting to one side, so I will too.

Look, to be clear, I'm not talking about forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to do or judging her to her face. But I think spinning this as a morally neutral lifestyle choice which people should tolerate is just denial. It's a highly self-destructive way to behave. And it matters because so many more people are choosing to live this way than they were historically.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 01/09/2025 13:04

This is very sad, you can only really support your brother.

No way to live though.

banananas1999 · 01/09/2025 13:05

dragontears · 01/09/2025 09:22

AIBU to think this is no way to live now? She works from home and will only leave the house for essential errands with mask on. She is terrified of getting long covid. Feels like her life is very very limited for a 38 year old!

Anyone else have people they know in this position? How to support them?

Gov triggered mental issues in many people- insane to think about how much brain wash, fear p*rn and propaganda was pushed around for a common cold virus strain.

MyTommyGunDont · 01/09/2025 13:05

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/09/2025 09:29

I’ve had long COVID for 2 years. It’s been the most horrific and terrifying time of my life. I was in bed unable to do anything at all for the first year.

Can’t say l blame her.

While I have every sympathy for your illness, I’m not sure never leaving the house is an alternative I’d choose, given long COVID is statistically unlikely.

Would you honestly prefer to live like a recluse, never seeing friends and family outside your immediate family?

MissMoneyFairy · 01/09/2025 13:09

banananas1999 · 01/09/2025 13:05

Gov triggered mental issues in many people- insane to think about how much brain wash, fear p*rn and propaganda was pushed around for a common cold virus strain.

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Do you think covid was just a common cold

Muffsies · 01/09/2025 13:13

Thelnebriati · 01/09/2025 09:39

I'm not at an increased risk of catching Covid or the flu, but I am at an increased risk of them being severe if I do catch them.
During the pandemic I was having dental treatment and oral surgery and had to regularly use Corsodyl mouthwash; it turns out that rinsing and gargling with salt water, Corsodyl or Listerine gives some protection against Covid. I do it before I go out and when I get home, I also haven't had a serious cold or the flu since I started doing it.
Tell your SIL, if you google there are multiple studies and articles.

This is an excellent suggestion. I started doing this due to my risk of getting gum disease, and it definitely helps to stave off other types of infections from getting established. My mum was an opera singer, they all use steam and mouthwash to avoid getting infections.

I recommend going to Savers to get the non-brand "corsodyl" with chlorhexidine (the exact same active ingredient for a fraction of the price).

Themaghag · 01/09/2025 13:14

BumpyWinds · 01/09/2025 10:43

I've had Covid twice and for me it wasn't any worse than a head cold. In all honesty, I've had worse head colds before and since, to the point that last time I actually said I'd have preferred to have Covid!

That said, I do think it is doing the rounds again and is wiping people out a lot more again (because the healthy have not had recent vaccines, possibly?). I've known a few people that have had it (who are testing because of contact with vulnerable people) and all have said it absolutely floored them, including a friend of mine that I've known for 20 years and have never known him to even moan about feeling under the weather, let alone take a day off sick, who was bed bound for 3 days.

As much as your SIL definitely needs some support to be able to move forward, I wouldn't say that going into a winter is the best time to do it. The last thing she needs is to actually catch it as it will only make her worse.

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Actually, catching it, feeling rough for a few days and a bit wobbly for a few days more, before making a complete recovery might be helpful, as her worst fears would be realised and yet she would have lived to tell the tale. However, I expect that her anxiety would just transfer to something else instead.

I'd find her terribly frustrating. Two of my family members suffer from MS and one of them is so seriously debilitated by it that they now can't make any independent movement at all for themselves.

However, they've now had Covid three or four times - they live in a house with children who were at primary age when Covid was really raging. Fortunately, they suffered no long-term ill-effects and although classed as very vulnerable, just live their lives as normally as the MS permits, without requesting any special accommodations for themselves or from others. I think this is because their life is so terribly restricted anyway that any further restrictions would quite literally make it intolerable.

It's very hard to hear of a healthy young woman cloistering herself away just in case she catches Covid or develops long Covid. I think I'd be tempted to tell her that if she ever becomes really ill with a terminal or life-limiting illness, she'll regret every precious minute that she's so stupidly and selfishly wasted. And I doubt that I would be able to do it very nicely either!

MiddleAgeRageMonster · 01/09/2025 13:18

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/09/2025 12:30

Yes things got better for me when l started properly working with an OT and a hypnotist.

The hypnotist reduced the anxiety which usually goes with LC due to dysregularion od the nervous system.

The OT told me about neuroplasticity
and how the brain gets stuck trying to protect you. I did a lot of vagal nerve exercises but you basically have to ignore the symptoms because the brain gets stuck wants to protect you. Kind of push through but not to exhaustion.

I had awful eye issues. Couldn’t watch tv. I tried to ignore them and it became possible. Then l staeted some knitting and my eyes just went crazy. It was a new thing that threatened the brain. I just ignored it and carried on.

HTH. Or sent me a really interesting webinars which l can send you if you want. The anxiety of LC drives the brain to keep you safe.

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So by your own admission the best way to get rid of Long Covid is to ignore it and crack on with life?

Bumdrops · 01/09/2025 13:19

dragontears · 01/09/2025 12:40

This is a difficult balance to strike though. On the one hand, I agree with you that if she wants to live her life like that, is it any of my business?

On the other hand, it does affect my DB. And also my DC. They want to know where their Auntie has disappeared to! (Actually they have now stopped asking, which is even sadder).

Additionally, mental health issues can be tricky in this regard, because the nature of a mental health condition means the person often doesn’t want to seek treatment or even admit they have an issue, so it is a difficult call to know when to stage an intervention or when to just accept that it’s their own problem to deal with.

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It is a mental health disorder when there is no underlying physical health reason to live like this -

if she was willing to explore this perspective and start to work on her disorder she would need to speak to her GP and / or self refer to her local NHS talking therapies provider

if she is unwilling to engage with this,
I would be supporting your DB to see how he may be accommodating/ colluding with this inadvertently by supporting her to live in this disordered manner

if he starts to untangle himself from this as an unacceptable way to live with someone that can start to prompt change / shifts

that is a tricky dynamic to unravel and he would probably benefit from his own counselling to manage that

Pluvia · 01/09/2025 13:20

Calliopespa · 01/09/2025 12:19

I agree.

We indulge the sob stories of posters who claim to suffer with 'Long-COVID

is an incredibly insensitive and condescending post by @Everanewbie

Most of us choose to take the risk of flus, viruses etc by being out and about because the things we want to do or the people we want to support involve doing so. Some meet it halfway and just do less through the winter months.

But why do we have to dictate what others do if they are genuinely happy with what they are doing? In this instance to me the problematic issue is that her DH seems affected by it. But were that not the case, so what, why not?

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Some of us are old enough to remember the wave of people back in the 70s and 80s who were 'allergic' to modern life and had to live in a shed in the garden in total isolation. Thank goodness these days their MH issues are recognised.

Of course there are still people who claim to be allergic to modern life. Round my way we have a man who lived for years in a converted metal container on a piece of waste ground he bought from the council and has now applied for planning permission to build a four-bedroom house. Things are not always as they are reported. This from Chulmleigh, for example...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-38852842

Devon mud-hut woman 'allergic to modern life'

She faces eviction from her mud-hut home but says living in a modern house makes her ill.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-38852842

GiddyDog · 01/09/2025 13:20

My SIL is similar OP. She doesn't work from home she gave up work entirely as her career wasn't one that can be continued from home.
She had some issues with fear of contamination and health anxiety previously which were massively exacerbated by the pandemic.
It's all mental health, she does not have long COVID or ever been very sick with it or have high risk co-morbidities.
She rarely leaves her home now, occasionally will venture out shopping with her husband or my MIL.
Spends all her time reading news articles or obsessing over imagined slights against her or risks out in the world.
Has lost contact with friends and has very distant relationships left with her siblings and nieces/nephews. My children know her as an abstract name but don't really know her properly. They also have little relationship with their cousins who are her children as we aren't allowed in their home and they also can't visit us.
She's missed many family events.
She's late 40's, it's no way to live and we miss her but can't see any way to help.

LlynTegid · 01/09/2025 13:22

banananas1999 · 01/09/2025 13:05

Gov triggered mental issues in many people- insane to think about how much brain wash, fear p*rn and propaganda was pushed around for a common cold virus strain.

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It was not a common cold strain.

I agree that the government triggered mental health issues and some were avoidable. The length of time that restrictions could have been in place if more timely to achieve the same reductions in hospital admissions would have been perhaps a third less if the government had acted in early March 2020. Also the Downing Street parties when the details came out must have had an impact on many people's mental health.

Rallentanda · 01/09/2025 13:24

banananas1999 · 01/09/2025 13:05

Gov triggered mental issues in many people- insane to think about how much brain wash, fear p*rn and propaganda was pushed around for a common cold virus strain.

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Oh do bore off

DramaLlamacchiato · 01/09/2025 13:25

MissMoneyFairy · 01/09/2025 13:02

I can emphasise with her, the government and the world lied to us about covid,it was underplayed, led to thousands of deaths, its still rampant and causing serious illness, I don't trust anyone but myself to take proper precautions now and I try to look after myself as best i can even if that's restricting, I avoid people as much as I can and feel very uncomfortable in crowded places and around coughs and sneezes.

“Underplayed” 🙄

it was actually completely overplayed to scare people into compliance. The main issue was the R number

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/09/2025 13:25

MiddleAgeRageMonster · 01/09/2025 13:18

So by your own admission the best way to get rid of Long Covid is to ignore it and crack on with life?

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Ha, if only.

You can only do that when your body is ready to do it. It’s taken 2 years to get to this point…..

Rallentanda · 01/09/2025 13:27

Very sorry for everyone here dealing with LC who has inadvertently read posts like ‘yeah it’s obviously horrible but also stop being self-indulgent and over-anxious’. Seriously, some of you need to learn basic critical thinking and statistics.