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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL still isolating due to covid risk

593 replies

dragontears · 01/09/2025 09:22

AIBU to think this is no way to live now? She works from home and will only leave the house for essential errands with mask on. She is terrified of getting long covid. Feels like her life is very very limited for a 38 year old!

Anyone else have people they know in this position? How to support them?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:29

mumatlast14 · 03/09/2025 17:17

Yeah ok, must absolutely be my relatives fault for lacking capacity!

Don’t be immature. That is why I asked the question. I asked if they had capacity. If they lacked it, then of course the person advising them needs to act responsibly.

Cynic17 · 03/09/2025 17:30

MissMoneyFairy · 01/09/2025 13:02

I can emphasise with her, the government and the world lied to us about covid,it was underplayed, led to thousands of deaths, its still rampant and causing serious illness, I don't trust anyone but myself to take proper precautions now and I try to look after myself as best i can even if that's restricting, I avoid people as much as I can and feel very uncomfortable in crowded places and around coughs and sneezes.

Wrong. Covid was overplayed. It is/was a minor illness for the vast majority of people. The average age at death didn't shift, so it was mainly older people with co-morbidities who were affected.
But the ridiculous overreaction of many of the world's Governments, encouraged by irresponsible media, means that many people (like the OP's sister in law) still buy into the narrative they were fed.
Critical thinking has disappeared, seemingly, which is disappointing, to say the least.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/09/2025 17:31

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:13

Yes. Being attached to an oxygen cylinder for most of the day is also a shitty existence.

My dm has COPD. She was never attached to oxygen.

Cynic17 · 03/09/2025 17:31

mumatlast14 · 02/09/2025 15:02

We mask and test. Never caught it.

Never masked. Never tested. Did vaccinate, to be fair, but assume I never caught it as never felt ill.
Certainly haven't considered it since restrictions ended.

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 17:31

Uricon2 · 03/09/2025 17:09

Just like you’d avoid COPD which has a much better quality of life than ME

You haven't met everyone with COPD so I'd rein in such sweeping statements, @MoveOverToTheSea .

Edited

I’m not inventing that.
Its coming research. Quality of life of people with ME is lower than any other illnesses, including COPD, cancer, RA, MS etc…

Personally if prefer to have to carry an oxygen tank around but being able to do stuff than being more or less bedbound. And I’m not the most severe you can be (that would be lying in bed in the dark, not talking to anyone, not having a shower for months or years, unable to use a phone, listening to music etc etc…. That would be just existing, lying down on a bed doing nothing with no contact with anyone).

So yes.

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:33

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/09/2025 17:31

My dm has COPD. She was never attached to oxygen.

Of course not everyone is attached to oxygen. But some are. So people cannot say that ME is worse than having COPD as a blanket statement.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/09/2025 17:33

RubySquid · 03/09/2025 16:22

A friend of mine got ME after a dose of the flu long before covid. It took her an awful long while to get to relatively normal.

Strange though there wasn't the hysterics from everyone else in case they caught flu and ended up the same.

Wonder why

Edited

Because flu isn’t as prevalent as LC. And is mainly seasonal.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/09/2025 17:35

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:33

Of course not everyone is attached to oxygen. But some are. So people cannot say that ME is worse than having COPD as a blanket statement.

But l have LC/ME. Dm had COPD.

My quality of life was lower than hers was.

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:35

Cynic17 · 03/09/2025 17:30

Wrong. Covid was overplayed. It is/was a minor illness for the vast majority of people. The average age at death didn't shift, so it was mainly older people with co-morbidities who were affected.
But the ridiculous overreaction of many of the world's Governments, encouraged by irresponsible media, means that many people (like the OP's sister in law) still buy into the narrative they were fed.
Critical thinking has disappeared, seemingly, which is disappointing, to say the least.

I didn’t realise that Covid evangelism was still alive and kicking for so many healthy and young people. It’s like 2021 all over again. I do feel sorry for them and their kids, genuinely. But of course they can lead their (restricted) lives as they wish and I will lead mine.

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:37

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/09/2025 17:35

But l have LC/ME. Dm had COPD.

My quality of life was lower than hers was.

Seriously? Yes you win the sickness competition with your mum. But you might not with another COPD sufferer. Is that so difficult to grasp?

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 17:38

RubySquid · 03/09/2025 16:40

She's not fully recovered as in back to her pre illness self. She doesn't fall asleep randomly quite so much these days though

So if ME is " in the head" why is long covid not considered the same

Some people and doctors think that tbh….
You just have to look at the advice people get - graded exercise and CBT 😢

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/09/2025 17:39

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:37

Seriously? Yes you win the sickness competition with your mum. But you might not with another COPD sufferer. Is that so difficult to grasp?

But it proves the point that was been argued. My quality of life was lower than hers. Which is what the previous poster said.

It’s only a one off. But it was my experience.

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 17:41

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:37

Seriously? Yes you win the sickness competition with your mum. But you might not with another COPD sufferer. Is that so difficult to grasp?

That’s why research is great.
It removes the ‘it’s one individual, not everyone’.

So yes one COPD sufferer might have worse quality of life than someone with ME.
Very likely someone who is very badly affected by COPD and someone who is mild with ME.
But talking about illnesses as whole, that’s the situation. Unfortunately.

Uricon2 · 03/09/2025 17:42

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 17:31

I’m not inventing that.
Its coming research. Quality of life of people with ME is lower than any other illnesses, including COPD, cancer, RA, MS etc…

Personally if prefer to have to carry an oxygen tank around but being able to do stuff than being more or less bedbound. And I’m not the most severe you can be (that would be lying in bed in the dark, not talking to anyone, not having a shower for months or years, unable to use a phone, listening to music etc etc…. That would be just existing, lying down on a bed doing nothing with no contact with anyone).

So yes.

What does its coming research actually mean?

Also Quality of life of people with ME is lower than any other illnesses, including COPD, cancer, RA, MS etc… is one heavy duty list of conditions, some of which people will die from (very painfully at times) some of which are absolutely incurable currently and in many sufferers, degenerative to the point of little or no quality of life.

I take it any was a typo, BTW.

Like I say, you have no way of knowing whether the experience of all these many people is somehow less difficult than what you and other ME sufferers are going through.

WallMapHanging · 03/09/2025 17:44

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 17:41

That’s why research is great.
It removes the ‘it’s one individual, not everyone’.

So yes one COPD sufferer might have worse quality of life than someone with ME.
Very likely someone who is very badly affected by COPD and someone who is mild with ME.
But talking about illnesses as whole, that’s the situation. Unfortunately.

I am a fan of research of course but I am not a fan of reducing someone’s subjective experience of pain and quality of life to scores on questionnaires. Even though this is how that kind of research has to be done. If someone feels shit, then they feel like shit. I am never going to say that their experience is not as bad as others because research has ‘proven’ it to be so.

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 17:46

For those who are interested, this is the study I’m referring to.
But there are others.

Quality of life of ME sufferers vs other illnesses

LizzieW1969 · 03/09/2025 17:57

Everanewbie · 03/09/2025 13:50

I'd concede that it is an issue that needs further research and possible therapy. I am sceptical, but the shear prevalence of COVID suggests that the resulting post viral syndrome maybe an issue for healthcare on a population level. But I cannot agree that it is anyway a reason to curtail a full life on an individual level in fear of. And it certainly isn't a reason to drag your spouse down with you over.

I agree with this. Despite having Long Covid, I wouldn’t ever expect my DH or DDs to have restrictions placed on them on my account. That’s totally wrong, and very controlling actually (even if it is anxiety driven).

cramptramp · 03/09/2025 19:42

Firealarm1414 · 03/09/2025 17:25

Do people really believe that no one who wears a mask ever catches covid? That's blatantly false. I've read comments from other covid zealots who when they inevitably get sick they see it as a moral failing, that they must have done something "wrong" and of course look to blame someone else for it - society, the disgusting plague rat of a person who coughed near them, kids, anti vaxxers etc. Its like a religion at this stage, you have to perform all the "rituals" correctly or else you'll be "punished" with illness. It's a really unhealthy mindset to be in and I feel sorry for kids being raised this way in 2026.

Edited

I think it’s a form of abuse to raise children like this and SS should be involved.

LouH1981 · 03/09/2025 20:08

My vaccinated, fit, healthy and young friend died from Covid.
She’s an adult, just respect her decisions. You choose not to live this way and she does.

lavendermilkshake · 03/09/2025 23:35

Everanewbie · 03/09/2025 15:40

If you take my opinion to be rude, so be it. If you find opposing opinion rude, maybe you are better hiding under a mask in your own home.

As far as Italy goes, you fell for that? Presumably you fell for those videos of people waiting for a bus spontaneously collapsing?

There are a number of posters on this thread detailing their experience of suffering from Long Covid. You put the term in quote marks, to underline your belief it is not a big deal. That is rude, and ignorant.

Surprised you didn't say 'face nappies'. I don't think anyone on this thread is still behaving as OP's SIL, but a few of us have pointed out Covid is not 'just a cold', and also that it is the SIL's life and her choice.

As far as Italy goes, you fell for that?

Oh, right. I bet you were one of those people eagerly awaiting Qdrops!

Good luck with your future vascular (and neurological) health. You remain ignorant on that front, also.

lavendermilkshake · 03/09/2025 23:42

cramptramp · 03/09/2025 19:42

I think it’s a form of abuse to raise children like this and SS should be involved.

The SIL hasn't got kids.

Kiwislices · 04/09/2025 01:18

There were some spurious assumptions in lockdown - children being unlikely to spread it for one. It can cross species, but not between a 17 and 18 year old. I doubt this was ever believed, because why would schools have been closed to many?!

What I really struggle to understand NOW is why when hospitals become more and more overwhelmed each winter, with hospital acquired infections leading to longer stays and worse outcomes including death, when a myriad of health conditions are increasing in nhs staff, when the reason for lockdown was hospitals being unable to cope, do we do pretty much nothing to reduce nosocomial transmission?

Calliopespa · 04/09/2025 07:50

Kiwislices · 04/09/2025 01:18

There were some spurious assumptions in lockdown - children being unlikely to spread it for one. It can cross species, but not between a 17 and 18 year old. I doubt this was ever believed, because why would schools have been closed to many?!

What I really struggle to understand NOW is why when hospitals become more and more overwhelmed each winter, with hospital acquired infections leading to longer stays and worse outcomes including death, when a myriad of health conditions are increasing in nhs staff, when the reason for lockdown was hospitals being unable to cope, do we do pretty much nothing to reduce nosocomial transmission?

I think because people got too cross and, actually, frightened by those times. To me there's an element of head in sand. The more it scares you, the louder you shout that it doesn't matter.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/09/2025 08:36

Kiwislices · 04/09/2025 01:18

There were some spurious assumptions in lockdown - children being unlikely to spread it for one. It can cross species, but not between a 17 and 18 year old. I doubt this was ever believed, because why would schools have been closed to many?!

What I really struggle to understand NOW is why when hospitals become more and more overwhelmed each winter, with hospital acquired infections leading to longer stays and worse outcomes including death, when a myriad of health conditions are increasing in nhs staff, when the reason for lockdown was hospitals being unable to cope, do we do pretty much nothing to reduce nosocomial transmission?

Children being unlikely to spread it, was l swear a lie as they didn’t want to close schools, or have teachers leaving.

Lots of teachers in their 50’s left. They weren’t born yesterday.

cramptramp · 04/09/2025 08:38

lavendermilkshake · 03/09/2025 23:42

The SIL hasn't got kids.

I didn’t say she had. I’m talking generally.