Page 19 | SIL still isolating due to covid risk

dragontears · 2025-09-01T08:22:28+00:00

AIBU to think this is no way to live now? She works from home and will only leave the house for essential errands with mask on. She is terrified of getting long covid. Feels like her life is very very limited for a 38 year old! Anyone else have people they know in this position? How to support them?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/09/2025 19:12

cramptramp · 02/09/2025 19:00

Just because children are marked as being off school because they are sick doesn’t mean they are always really sick. I know a lot about this, it used to be my job.

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I was a teacher for 30 years.

They are not marked off sick unless they are sick. ‘C’ is 2nd most commonly used code.

mumatlast14 · 02/09/2025 19:13

cramptramp · 02/09/2025 19:08

No. Parents sometimes say they are sick when they aren’t.

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And that's why schools are calling and if they get an international dial tone they don't record it as sick. They then do a 'welfare check' to physically see the child.

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 19:18

Annoyeddd · 01/09/2025 10:27

I know of someone like that - masks, gloves, sprays, constant hand washing - not physically vulnerable. Insists that everyone else behaves the same. Was controlling before COVID but now has reason/excuse to order people about.

It's out of order for people to take a stance that they try to impose on others. Insisting everyone behaves the same in the way that person is doing is not reasonable.

We all have our own approaches.

But by the same rationale, it isn't reasonable for others to march someone off to counselling because their approach differs. It all cuts both ways.

cramptramp · 02/09/2025 19:22

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/09/2025 19:12

I was a teacher for 30 years.

They are not marked off sick unless they are sick. ‘C’ is 2nd most commonly used code.

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I was a welfare officer for a long time. Some parents would call in saying their children are sick for lots of reasons. Some of the ones we found out about that weren’t true were couldn’t be bothered to get everyone dressed to come to school. Going shopping. Keeping the parent company, Sunny weather and going to the beach or having bbq at home. Those were the ones we knew about. I guessed that not all of the other children whose parents said they were sick, were sick. We had to wait until the attendance dropped to a certain level before we could do home visits.

Kiwislices · 02/09/2025 19:48

Some parents will lie, of course. However, it would make no sense to think that attendance would decrease since pre-pandemic. If there are regular waves of a virus - a percentage of people will be too ill to attend work or school. That’s without taking into account those who develop ongoing health issues and any other factors. What has been done to actually help remove the main blocker to attendance - illness? The chickenpox vaccine will help. Telling children (and teachers who also have similar absence spikes and percentage increases) not to be ill isn’t really working. Pressurising them to make others ill is also a bit shit really. Kids learn better when they’re not feeling like shit.

Original poster

dragontears · 02/09/2025 20:24

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 15:04

Well I examined the contents of every AIBU? thread in the last month. I divided the number of threads that deal with "other peoples" business where the OP has no right to question anyone else than themselves, then divided that figure by the total number of threads. Then I multiplied that by 100 to express the figure in percentage terms. It was actually 99.12354%, however, I rounded it down to ensure I didn't overstate my case.

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This gave me a good belly laugh - thank you!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

dragontears · 02/09/2025 20:31

begonia27 · 02/09/2025 14:45

It might be worth having a chat to her where you just listen to her and empathise. Don’t try to argue with her or persuade her, just say you care about her and would like to try and understand more about what is shaping her decisions and lifestyle. Sometimes that can open to door for people to admit that actually, on some level they realise what they are doing isn’t proportionate or sustainable, but they are stuck with their fears and can’t move past them. That can then open the door for other people to provide support, and for change to start to happen. I have struggled a lot with similar feelings; I’ve always had health anxiety and covid hit my anxieties hard. I’ve not yet had it due to being very cautious, masking etc., and for quite a while I would have thought your SIL was right. I’ve slowly been able to dial down the precautions over the last year or so, and I can eat now in restaurants, go bowling, wander round the shops, see friends, etc, but if someone looks or sounds unwell, that’s it, I’m out of there or I’m putting a mask on. But I’ll get there if I keep working on it. The thing is, it’s easy to overestimate one health harm versus others, as you and others have said, and some of the information out there on covid cautious groups makes Covid sound like it will either kill you or turn you into a zombie. It’s not a nice virus, but as you say, living a life in fear isn’t great for you either, which is why I’m pushing myself to get as much normality back as I can. It could help to find something which really matters to her that would provide an incentive to open her life up a bit. For me it was my kids, I didn’t want them to live with me being so different to everyone else and possibly develop anxieties of their own due to my behaviour, and that incentive keeps me moving forward even when it’s uncomfortable. If you can talk openly with your SIL you may find similar incentives for her. You sound like a caring and understanding person, you may be the key to unlocking the cage she has trapped herself in.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I will give this a go.

OP posts:

OlympicProcrastinator · 02/09/2025 20:34

I just lost someone dear to me because of this. She never went back to ‘living’ after lock down, avoiding all social interactions, rarely went outside and fearful of hospitals and GP surgeries due to the risk of catching covid. She ignored her cancer symptoms and refused repeated pleas from her wife to leave the house to get it checked out.

She was buried in August. Such a waste of the last 4 years of her life and a life cut short.

Original poster

dragontears · 02/09/2025 20:43

OlympicProcrastinator · 02/09/2025 20:34

I just lost someone dear to me because of this. She never went back to ‘living’ after lock down, avoiding all social interactions, rarely went outside and fearful of hospitals and GP surgeries due to the risk of catching covid. She ignored her cancer symptoms and refused repeated pleas from her wife to leave the house to get it checked out.

She was buried in August. Such a waste of the last 4 years of her life and a life cut short.

I’m so sorry. 🌸

OP posts:

Letsgoroundagainnow · 02/09/2025 20:45

OlympicProcrastinator · 02/09/2025 20:34

I just lost someone dear to me because of this. She never went back to ‘living’ after lock down, avoiding all social interactions, rarely went outside and fearful of hospitals and GP surgeries due to the risk of catching covid. She ignored her cancer symptoms and refused repeated pleas from her wife to leave the house to get it checked out.

She was buried in August. Such a waste of the last 4 years of her life and a life cut short.

Sorry, that’s awful.

💐

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 20:48

dragontears · 02/09/2025 20:24

This gave me a good belly laugh - thank you!!!

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And she worries the SIL has a lame existence ...

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 20:52

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 20:48

And she worries the SIL has a lame existence ...

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OP likes me. @Calliopespa in the mud!

Original poster

dragontears · 02/09/2025 20:53

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 20:48

And she worries the SIL has a lame existence ...

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If having a sense of humour is now lame, then lame I am, and I’m leaning in 😁

OP posts:

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 20:53

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 20:52

OP likes me. @Calliopespa in the mud!

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Huh?

Clafoutie · 02/09/2025 20:57

MageQueen · 01/09/2025 10:04

Also, are new cases of long covid a thing? I thought by now most of us have probably had it at least once, is it something you can develop after your second or third infection?

Certainly, because DH works in an environment where Covid spreads like wildfire, we have sadly both had it a few times. And there's no doubt that either becuase we've had it so many times or perhaps becuase we're a bit vulberable, when we get it, we tend to take a few weeksk to recover fully. But nonetheless, touch wood, even with all thse infections we've had and the frustration of the longer recover, we haven't got long covid and I just assumed it was becuase if you're likely to get long covid, you get it from the start?

Unfortunately I don’t think that is a correct assumption. I certainly know of people who have developed Long Covid after subsequent infections, rather than the first. I think that seems logical, given that the virus itself keeps mutating?

ACertainSlantOfLight · 02/09/2025 21:03

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 20:52

OP likes me. @Calliopespa in the mud!

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How sad.

Clafoutie · 02/09/2025 21:04

Phoenixfire1988 · 02/09/2025 17:57

It's a mental health issue and she needs to see a therapist ASAP because her behaviour is utterly ridiculous and your db needs to stop playing along .

Would you consider any manifestation of a mental health issue ‘ ridiculous’? However things may appear to people who are fortunate enough not to be suffering with mental ill-health, judgements like that only serve to make those suffering feel more alone. Their thoughts might also seem ‘ridiculous’ to themselves too, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling.

Delatron · 02/09/2025 21:05

JosieRay · 01/09/2025 11:27

I had Covid last October and was only mildly ill. I had been very active and healthy up til then. I unfortunately then had a number of symptoms which were brought on by the virus and have now had Long Covid for 11 months. It has given me heart problems and inflammation in my chest which meant that my life changed virtually overnight. I went from super healthy to feeling like an invalid.

Fortunately due to my amazing GP and local hospital I have had all the treatment and support I could have asked for. But, yet again this week I have to wear another 24 hour heart monitor but I’m hoping that things will be slowly improving.

I think that anyone can get these symptoms after a virus such as Covid and until it happens to you, it’s easy to dismiss it.

I still live my life and go out and about. If I took a flight I would wear a mask. I’m really afraid about what could happen if I got a similar virus again.

Me too. Was very healthy and ran 25 miles a week before this.

It was a mild infection and the third time I’d had Covid. I just didn’t get better. Had chest pains, inflammation, can’t do much exercise (which is tricky since my job is in the fitness industry). Having investigations now for heart issues.

So whilst I agree we all need to live our lives. There’s a bit of a lack of understanding about long covid on here. Women aged 45-55 are the most affected (might be hormonal). Many, many athletes and fit people are affected (tendency to push through and this makes LC more likely?)

What to take from this? I’d like people to take any illness more seriously and don’t spread it about. Don’t go to crowded places if you feel ill.

My advice to all if you get Covid - rest! Do not push through. Current estimates are 10% of all infections end in long Covid. And it will keep circulating all year every year…

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 21:10

ACertainSlantOfLight · 02/09/2025 21:03

How sad.

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I’m quite happy after a mask-less day in the office and sat with my husband, both naked from the shoulders up and having a giggle with the OP on mumsnet. Sad is what I was from March 2020 until February 2022 because you lot were winning the argument. Happy that subsequently, you and your like are in the minority.

Delatron · 02/09/2025 21:14

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/09/2025 14:49

And I’ve read a scenario where eventually so many people get Long Covid that the world stops functioning properly.

We don’t seem to have much immunity going by repeated infection rates.

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Well if we do the maths that seems plausible..around a 10% chance of long find for each infection. We don’t seem to build immunity and it is constantly circulating. We’re up to 3 million suffering now after 5 years in the UK…

Maybe when we hit 10 million people will start to take it seriously.. the impact that will have on the economy.

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 21:24

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 21:10

I’m quite happy after a mask-less day in the office and sat with my husband, both naked from the shoulders up and having a giggle with the OP on mumsnet. Sad is what I was from March 2020 until February 2022 because you lot were winning the argument. Happy that subsequently, you and your like are in the minority.

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Why are you so full of intensity over this? It oozes from your every post.

I mean if it's really not affecting you, it's not affecting you...

That's what I find so curious about these covid discussions.

FWIW I've no skin in the game: I haven't got long Covid and I don't wear a mask. But it really doesn't bother me if other people want to take precautions.

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 21:27

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 21:24

Why are you so full of intensity over this? It oozes from your every post.

I mean if it's really not affecting you, it's not affecting you...

That's what I find so curious about these covid discussions.

FWIW I've no skin in the game: I haven't got long Covid and I don't wear a mask. But it really doesn't bother me if other people want to take precautions.

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If you’re genuinely interested I’ll give you a proper answer. It’s a fair question.

Calliopespa · 02/09/2025 21:32

Clafoutie · 02/09/2025 21:04

Would you consider any manifestation of a mental health issue ‘ ridiculous’? However things may appear to people who are fortunate enough not to be suffering with mental ill-health, judgements like that only serve to make those suffering feel more alone. Their thoughts might also seem ‘ridiculous’ to themselves too, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling.

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The use of a "diagnosis" of MH by random punters is a way of trying to invalidate the person's stance. So I suspect there is an element of finding manifestations of MH ridiculous.

I think there are issues to be considered in so far as the SIL's actions impact on her DH - and more so if she had dc, but she doesn't. But I don't really see it falling in the realm of the op's business. My Sil microwaves my nephew's food in plastic. I mentioned it once, it doesn't bother her so I accept I just have to , well, accept. I wouldn't do it, but then she doesn't make me.

WizardOfTopsham · 02/09/2025 22:25

I’ve got long covid. Sometimes it is a bit shit, but nowhere near as shit as living like that!

lavendermilkshake · 03/09/2025 00:28

Everanewbie · 02/09/2025 15:30

You're reading articles like this and just screaming in your head "Its vascular!!!" without picking out key points. Interesting that this is from the BHF given that I have a congenital heart condition myself. I have a personal interest.

Some key info I noticed, key words in bold

"case studies began to suggest that some of the most severe complications of the disease affected more than just the lungs."

There have been some anecdotal reports that clot-related complications may be less common in people with Covid-19 caused by more recent variants (such as Omicron), but there is a need for more research in this area before we can be sure.

The article is also dated from 2023, since when the outcomes have improved even more. Still nothing to tell me to run for the hills,

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I'm not screaming anything in my head. I am trying to educate a particularly silly poster. The only person 'screaming' on this thread is you. Not sure why.