SIL still isolating due to covid risk

[dragontears]

AIBU to think this is no way to live now? She works from home and will only leave the house for essential errands with mask on. She is terrified of getting long covid. Feels like her life is very very limited for a 38 year old!

Anyone else have people they know in this position? How to support them?

Yeah probably shouldn't have quoted you. I find the some people post something along the lines of "they'll do them and you do you" to shut down discussion. Re-reading, I don't think that's what you meant

I'm not denying anything I've said post viral illness is very common. Whether it is weeks or months after tonsillitis, gf, gastroenteritis whatever. A virus like covid is no different it can take weeks or months to get one's strength back.

I'm not sure calling one post viral illness 'long' benefits anyone. It is post viral.

Eat well, hydrate, mobilise. All the usual recuperation things will help.

The thing with "Long Covid" is that its sufferers are usually the ones you would expect to have it. There are a few studies out there that suggest "Long Covid" is no different to other post viral symptoms. Indeed, many claiming to have "Long Covid" in the Autumn of 2020 were found never to have actually had Covid.

How do you define ‘someone you would expect to have it’ then?

Talk about blaming the victim.

I'm immunosuppressed due to an autoimmune condition and the medication I take for it. I've had Covid 12 times (iirc - I've sort of lost count!). I was very ill indeed with it a couple of times but now thanks to vaccines (which don't work so well in immunosuppressed people but do offer some protection) and antivirals I've not had it too badly for a while.

I don't do as much as I used to but DD is a primary teacher and brings every bug going home, so even if I hid away it wouldn't make much difference really.

The pandemic absolutely wrecked by mental health - I was convinced I'd die if I got it (even after I'd had it a couple of times I thought the next time would be it), but the isolation also drove me around the bend. I started sled harming and was on antidepressants for the first time since I was a teenager. Some of the posts here fed my paranoia. I ended up on crisis and it was a very dark time. I still can't emphasise enough how damaging some of the stuff on here was but I was obsessed with it - part of the crisis evidently.

Sounds like something similar has happened to your SIL, OP. I really feel for her. It's no way to live. She needs help and support. Is there any way you can gently suggest this, perhaps offer to go to the GP with her if appropriate? It's awful to see a loved one affected so badly - DH and DD were beside themselves when I was ill. I hope your SIL can get the help she needs.

Heard of many successful small business owners suffering with it? Pair it with Fibromyalgia, a bad back and IBS and you get the picture.

I have Long Covid, I’ve had it since 2020, though not as badly as some. The first 2 years were terrible. But I just get on with my life as best I can within my limitations. I certainly don’t isolate from the world!

It does sound like an MH issue, OP, and it’s very sad. At 38 and in good health, you’d SIL is vanishingly unlikely to develop Long Covid, which, as I understand it, is less of a risk with the more recent strains of Covid infections.

THIS

Sometimes I feel like covid was just what some people wanted: a chance to be hysterical, authoritarian, difficult, holier-than-thou and needy.

It is fascinating how we don't have 'long' anything else.

I think some people's coping mechanisms are very different, so some will be settee bound for 6mths while others recognise that nausea, altered sleep, weakness etc are all part and parcel of symptoms and recovery post illness.

I lost my taste for ages after a virus <I didn't test but I did avoid vulnerable people>, I was covered in hives, mouth ulcers, fatigue, it was horrible. I felt so rough for ages but it wasn't a long virus just a nasty one.

My friend was like this for a long time after Covid and had counselling. It def worked and although she’s not mega keen on crowded places she’s got back to normal, thankfully!

To those suggesting CBT, you have to really want things to change to go through with it. I've had some (for a very different issue), and it was hard work, time consuming (ideally 4-5 hours a week) and unpleasant (doing something that you find hard). I really wanted my issue to improve (I definitely wasn't in denial about it), and DH was supportive. However it was only partially successful. I very much doubt CBT would be the first thing OP's SIL would need.

I didn’t have any of those things. And list my job due to it.

I work in London, regularly using the public transport system and have school age kids. Probably see someone once a month in a cloth mask and that's often a tourist. I have been cautious in no way since restrictions were lifted and regularly attend busy events.
Surely London would be overrun with covid infections and LC if some of the numbers the super cautious on here state were true?
The effects on the majority of those who've had the vaccine seem minimal in the majority of cases.
I know 2 Londoners who were affected by long covid from earlier infections pre-jabs and nobody else.
Most people weigh up the risks and realise its worth it to get back to a normal life. A colleague of mine who was super covid cautious has recently been diagnosed with treatable cancer, seems way more likely to get this type of illness than LC.

I know someone like this. Won't go out unless absolutely essential, and when he does he always wears a mask. He's not even classed as high risk/vulnerable. No way to live your life.

I'm currently recovering from sepsis and was interested to read that many of the symptoms of long Covid are the same as post sepsis syndrome. There are a lot of things that can be done to try to mitigate the illness(es) and the aftermath, which is a real thing, but I understand that it isn't the same for everyone.

The fact here though is that the OPs SIL is a healthy person without underlying medical conditions who has not had Covid, let alone long Covid. She has a MH condition that is making her catastrophise an only potential illness that in the vast majority of basically well people will recover from with no long term effects. She needs help to deal with this, not Covid.

You are the exception, not the rule.

This woman has been living that way since she was 33. It's time for psychiatric intervention.

Society would completely shut down if people weren't willing to keep going in case they got sick.

I think it js fine to wear a mask in some situations. I think wearing such a high performance masks when you are away from home is excessive. And as you stated you also mask your children, I wonder if your fears are impacting on the life you lead. Would you go to a party in a friend’s house? What about your kids birthday parties? The Cinema? A Gig?

I think when you are medicalising aspects of your daily life for your family that is something worth talking to someone about

She's absolutely right to be concerned about COVID; every infection increases the risk of long covid, a stroke, heart attacks, blood clots, cognitive deficits, organ damage etc. Plus some research is showing that even many people who apparently recovered fine from mild infections are left with damage. It's not a mental health issue to want to avoid that. It should be the job of public health to put proper measures in place, such as HEPA filters in public buildings and encouraging people to stay home when sick. But, because they have completely given up on this, anyone who wants to avoid COVID and all the risks it brings is put in a very difficult situation.

I also know someone who, isn't isolating totally, but goes to the supermarket very early or late, avoids anywhere crowded, wears masks. Slowly they are getting out and about but are still very wary and are elderly too. They shielded during the pandemic but was also a bit hermit like before all of it, live in an isolated part of the country. Family slowly reduced their participation so it became harder to avoid people altogether and they had to deal with their own affairs.

I have long term CFS and attend groups alongside people with long covid - and more widely, i’m aware of the overlap of mental health issues with these patient groups and how it can encourage avoidant behaviour in an effort to stop further infection. For all those on here who are still avoidant, there are so many recovery stories out there now on you tube, i would encourage you to explore. People can and do get better, i know people personally who have recovered from both CFS and long covid.

Catching covid repeatedly is playing Russian roulette with your health, it's entirely reasonable to want to avoid that. If you decide you are willing to take that risk for yourself then that's fine, but trying to force other people to do so is dreadful. Do you want people sectioned or something for wanting to stay healthy? How ridiculous. I am immunocompromised so have to avoid infections myself, but I know several people who were young and extremely healthy before getting long covid, which has left them severely disabled for years with no prospect of recovery. https://www.ineteconomics.org/perspectives/blog/debilitating-a-generation-expert-warns-that-long-covid-may-eventually-affect-most-americans

But everybody claims to know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody.

You can't ignore that the overwhelming majority of people have not had any issue with it and society on a global scale didn't collapse because of covid.

Society will collapse, though, if people like the op's sisterinlaw decide to stay indoors in case they get sick

Do you think lock down never should have ended?

People like SIL make me sick. How does she get what she needs when she barely goes out
Because everybody else is going out to work.So she can stay at home

It's so selfish. She doesn't want to go out but she's happy for everybody else to do it.So she can get what she wants.

I know somebody who has chronic fatigue syndrome as a result of a viral infection long before covid happened. Post viral illness has always been a thing. It's always been a risk.

The mental health overlap probably comes from childhood experiences. Not about avoiding Covid.

The worse the childhood the more susceptibility to chronic diseases like LC and CF, and mental health issues.

Read The Body Keeps thr Score.

It's not true that the overwhelming majority of people have had no issues with covid. There are a significant percentage of people who have the more well known type of long covid which has similarities to me/cfs, there are also many people who have other long term complications triggered by covid, such as strokes, heart attacks, organ damage etc etc. There are plenty of people who have recovered from mild covid but have been found to have silent organ damage, cognitive deficits etc in studies.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11834749/
https://www.brainfacts.org/diseases-and-disorders/covid-19/2023/the-risks-of-even-mild-covid19-1-in-4-showing-cognitive-deficits-011723
No I don't want lockdown to have continued, I want air filtration in public buildings, people to be encouraged to stay home from school and work when infectious to avoid spreading illness, and for people who choose to protect their health to not be harassed for it. Trying to avoid infection doesn't mean not working, I work, I simply wear a ffp2 mask to reduce the risk of infection. Also plenty of people work from home. Society is at far more danger of collapsing from ending up with a huge percentage of people with a serious chronic illness/disability.
This is a study from America that puts long covid as now the most common chronic illness in children, surpassing asthma.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2834486

There is a community on reddit for people like this that I sometimes have a look at. Most of them would end their marriage if their spouse stopped going along with their mental illness. Many of them have cut their entire families out of their lives and keep their children masked and isolated. Its completely nuts but they just dont see it as a problem and instead think that the rest of society is in the wrong for living normally. OPs sil sounds like this.