Friend helped herself to my birthday cake - is she ill or rude?

[Topofthecliffs]

I had a birthday party as a fundraiser for a charity on Saturday. I invited all my favourite people plus a friend who has been behaving oddly and has been rude and abrupt recently.
We had a live band and planned a cold buffet during the interval. Timings were band started at 7pm, supper at 8pm then more music and dancing.
At 7.45pm the strange friend approached DH and told him some people were very hungry and the food should be served now! He explained it would be soon.
I took the covers off the buffet at 7.50pm. She happily dived in and filled a big plateful. At 8.45pm the band played happy birthday, I blew out the candles, and took out a knife to cut the (huge and beautifully decorated) cake. I went to fetch some napkins to serve the slices on. As I turned to the cake I saw SF pick up the knife and hack a big triangular slice for herself from the front. She made off with it to her table. We were all astonished and have been trying to understand why she thought this was appropriate behaviour.
For info she is 70, a highly educated professional, but socially awkward. She has been becoming increasingly impatient and anxious in cafes and hotels at meal times wanting to get in as soon as the doors are open and wanting to be served first. She sometimes takes other people’s orders if they arrive before hers eg a cappuccino
AIBU - yes she is unwell and you should be compassionate - no she was rude and behaving like a greedy toddler.

No, but why break a solid habit ??

Thanks @PosiePetal
When my DH told me she was asking for food it took me about five minutes to go to the kitchen, ask the helpers to bring out the main course and whip off all the covers from the salads etc. She was served first with a generous plateful. I don’t think she was still starving at cake time.
This thread has been really useful in clarifying that she is unwell, and that I have been less kind than I should be. Instead of resenting her criticism I shall suck it up and try to be a better friend to her in future.

No relation. I’ve known her about ten years through a mutual sports club

After the buffet? Jeez some of the comments on this thread are bonkers!

@Leilaandtheloggerheads

Well I can see that OP has now updated to say that she had actually put the knife into the cake. That isn't what was said in the OP (but I still don't think that's the same as cutting the cake into portions for guests to help themselves - although that's open to interpretation).

Instead of resenting her criticism I shall suck it up and try to be a better friend to her in future.
I disagree, you shouldn't have to accept her being rude and mean because 'reasons'.
How does she react if she doesn't people returning her criticism?

No I hadn’t cut the cake I had just done the “make a wish” incision and turned my back for thirty seconds.
If you normally eat at six and the party starts at 7pm with food advertised at 8pm wouldn’t you have a snack before coming? That’s what I did!

Too late to serve food at 8pm in UK to brits. Europe yes, here no.
540,6 a better option. Plan better next time.

Yes she has front cortex dementia onset classic signs.

Is it bad that I don’t know what the Make A Wish Incision is? My family always did the Make A Wish Candle Blow Out.

On reflection the cafe behaviour has been developing over about three years. Before that she seemed normal. She is stick thin but gets very hungry and cold. I wondered about a hyperthyroid condition making her more anxious too. I’m increasingly convinced she is unwell.

Sorry, this is bonkers.

Was there some memo I missed out on?

58 years old, British, haven't eaten at 5.40 since I was in junior school.

Replies on AIBU are just bonkers lately. People will disagree with the OP no matter what.

Was this person odd and rude to hack into your uncut cake at a big birthday celebration? Yes of course she was!

I mean it's true there could be something else behind it - dementia, autism, etc. I guess this could be true of anyone displaying antisocial behaviour. It doesn't change that it's odd and rude though.

540 would be too early for my dc, they'd still be in afterschool!

Just pondering op what the MN response would have been if you'd ascribed these behaviours to your MIL....
😆

There are a lot of posters on this thread who seem incapable of changing their eating routine for a single night for a party!

This stuff varies wildly too. If I had an evening party for my friends and said we'd all be eating a buffet at 5.30pm they'd be bewildered (but go with it because it's really not a big deal to eat at a slightly different time for once).

I eat dinner quite early but arriving at 7 for an evening party and having a buffet is 8 is completely normal, expected and unremarkable behaviour and I am beginning to suspect people are either on the wind up or haven't been out much. It's also normal to get a bit hungry while waiting for it to open and start eyeing it up hopefully but that's all part of the fun! Cutting great whacks out of someone else's uncut cake isn't normal and never has been. It's even a joke on an episode of Friends from about 25 years ago.

Not just at 530 @HarrietBond you need to be in the doorway handing out plates of food as they come in the door!!

No it isn't. Only to weird posters who eat toddler tea at 5.

It is perfectly normal to have an evening buffet at 8 or usually 9 at an evening event, especially when there is live music and the band is having a break.

I have never been to an evening party where food is served straight away.

No it isn't. Only to weird posters who eat toddler tea at 5.

It is perfectly normal to have an evening buffet at 8 or usually 9 at an evening event, especially when there is live music and the band is having a break.

I have never been to an evening party where food is served straight away.

You sound like my Yorkshire friend who eats her Tea at 5.30pm before she goes out. Here in the southwest we eat later, and are flexible.
Plan better? Tell people to eat before coming as the party doesn’t start till 7pm?

In my family you stick the knife in and make a wish and try not to make a noise when the knife hits the cake board. If you do it silently your wish will definitely come true 😂

Why didn't you quote the poster I agreed with?! Why target me for agreeing? You are very very strange!!! You are far to over involved as you're targeting people agreeing with posters. Odd, very odd.

Yes! I’d be tempted maybe instead to have a bag of small snacks to hand out to any guest unable to wait.

There were snacks on the tables for people to have with drinks in the first hour.

Sorry, I was joking. It wasn’t meant to be a serious suggestion. I was more reminded of people whose toddlers need sustenance between meals or they lose it.

I’d expect my own friends to be able to wait an hour to be fed at a party.

It’s absolutely irrelevant when people normally eat. You can eat at 5pm or 6pm or 2pm if you want. But if you are invited to a party and the invite says food will be served at 8pm, you can’t blame the host that the food wasn’t served at the time YOU like to eat your dinner.