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Original poster

The man I’m dating doesn’t wash his hands after using the toilet

161 replies

michaelsnores · 01/09/2025 08:55

The man I've been seeing for the past few months has started staying at my house more often lately. My house isn't big, and the bathroom is right next to my bedroom, so you can hear the tap running. He was over this weekend, and I noticed a few times that he didn't wash his hands after using the toilet. I brought it up to him, thinking he just didn't realise, but he insisted he didn't need to and that it's different for men. I told him, "You're still touching the toilet seat etc," and even showed him a screenshot from Google.

He was pretty firm about not needing to wash his hands, so I just said, "Please do it while you're at my house since you're touching me and my stuff afterwards," and he agreed to that. I know he won’t be doing it whilst he’s at home or out and about though.

I’m not sure if it’s dump worthy, but it is a little grim, yes? He genuinely doesn’t think he needs to.

OP posts:
TallulahBetty · 01/09/2025 10:16

Bin.

Globules · 01/09/2025 10:19

I wasn't taught to wash my hands as a child, nor was it modelled to me. It wasn't a big thing in the 80s with my friends and I. I know it wasn't just me not washing hands post loo.

When XDH and I got together late teens, he was meticulous about washing his hands for a decent amount of time post loo. He was disgusted I didn't at all. He spoke to me a few times before I realised it actually did matter.

He also put the loo seat down after use. Every time. He had to train me in that too.

All credit to him for sticking with me in the early days of my grimness!

Goodideaornot · 01/09/2025 10:56

Chemenger · 01/09/2025 09:00

Most men don’t. I worked in the engineering department at a university. We had a ratio of at least 10 men to women in the staff, a bit better for students. The cleaner once told me he topped up the soap in the women’s toilet at least twice as often as the men’s.

So 10x as many men as women but soap only changed 2x as often? Sounds like the men are actually using more soap not less unless my maths is wrong!

Charla69 · 01/09/2025 11:12

Ew, that's a deal breaker for me. Sack him off.

Purplebunnie · 01/09/2025 11:27

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/09/2025 09:50

Doe a he flush the toilet? Does he not understand that people flush the toilet after doing a poo so there will be germs on the flush? How is that 'different for a man'?

Was going to say this. You've no idea where the hands of the person who flushed the loo before you have been

GiantTeddyIsTired · 01/09/2025 11:48

Most men don't. My kids do!

The thing for me is that it's the opposite - when I go to the toilet, the only thing that my hands touch is my thighs as I take down my trousers. Otherwise it's just layers of toilet paper. For a bloke, he's actually handling his penis which has been sitting sweaty in his pants, and likely if he doesn't wash his hands he just shakes (another thing that I hate), doesn't dab dry so there's going to be urine in those pants.

So he's literally walking around with hands covered in urine/sweat - vs. me who's likely not got anything on them at all but still washes my hands because it's the sensible thing to do.

CalzoneOnLegs · 01/09/2025 11:51

Grimy pig, this is how infections are created

TyroleanKnockabout · 01/09/2025 11:52

Goodideaornot · 01/09/2025 10:56

So 10x as many men as women but soap only changed 2x as often? Sounds like the men are actually using more soap not less unless my maths is wrong!

Show quote history

I think you’ve got it the wrong way round? The women’s loos needed soap changing twice as often as the men’s even though there is a hell of a lot fewer women than men?

DiscoBob · 01/09/2025 11:52

It's different for men? Why? If anything it's worse.

I don't touch my vulva/vagina with my hand when I use the toilet. I touch it with paper. He probably doesn't even wipe his dick.

Why on earth didn't he just say, oh, my bad, I forgot. Then just go back and do it. The fact he tried to argue it was reasonable not to is a stackable offence.

arcticpandas · 01/09/2025 12:03

My DS 12 and 15 always wash their hands after going to the loo. My 15 year old washes the hands 100 times a day due to OCD but the 12 year old would be gross if I (and his brother) hadn't been strict about this. My DH always washes his hands. I would have binned him early on if not.

JHound · 01/09/2025 12:30

Goodideaornot · 01/09/2025 10:56

So 10x as many men as women but soap only changed 2x as often? Sounds like the men are actually using more soap not less unless my maths is wrong!

Show quote history

You read it the wrong way. The women’s soap was topped up twice as frequently as the men despite being fewer in number.

RampantIvy · 01/09/2025 12:37

Rightandwrong · 01/09/2025 09:20

I wasn't taught to wash my hands after using the toilet. When I was about five I was hospitalised with a bad case of dysentery. When I was discharged our next door neighbour expressed her surprise because she assumed I was a "nice" girl who always washed her hands. I felt totally ashamed.
Since then I've always been meticulous about washing my hands, and all the other aspects of hygiene my "nice" parents neglected to teach me about.

There must be so many people not taught about hygiene and good practice when they are growing up. But OP I think the worrying thing is that when you have spoken to him about the necessity to wash his hands he doesnt even as a adult understand why it's important.

I wouldn't want him to touch me knowing his poor hygiene and I wouldn't want to visit his home, eat a meal with him, or touch anything he'd touched. So the relationship would be over.

We had monitors in the toilets at primary school to make sure we washed our hands. There was an outbreak of dysentry and the school had to close early for the school holidays because of this. I think that's when they started with the handwash monitors.

SundayGirl86 · 01/09/2025 12:38

I’d hate that - it would be a deal breaker for me too.

IsItWickedNotToCare · 01/09/2025 12:41

Yuk no, dump him, he won't change

SprayWhiteDung · 01/09/2025 12:54

NellieJean · 01/09/2025 09:54

I read somewhere that analysis of those bowls of nuts you used to see on top of bars showed about twenty different sources of urine. I thought it was an urban myth but maybe not.

I saw a TV programme (probably 25 years ago or more) - it might have been TFI Friday (it definitely featured Chris Evans).

They did a 'wacky' experiment in a men's public toilet: putting out some lovely open trays of salad right next to the sinks, with a sign saying 'Salad: help yourself', in an attempt to see what proportion of the men using the toilets would be willing to eat the salad that was located right next to where people washed their pooey hands.

They eventually had to call off the experiment as so few men actually ventured anywhere near to the sinks after doing their business, and just walked straight out of the door afterwards.

MummySleepDeprived · 01/09/2025 12:59

DP washes his hands before and after. He tells our young DS the first wash is for him (prevent infection from dirty hands) and the second is for others (because no one wants your toilet hands on everything).

My DP drives me up the wall about a lot of things but on cleanliness and hygiene, I can't fault him!

Aroundthefirepit · 01/09/2025 13:01

If everything else is fine, this wouldn't be enough for me to dump him. I think most men don't wash their hands.

vinegarforeverything · 01/09/2025 13:06

What does he mean "it's different for men". He touches his penis. That alone is enough.

Lavenderandbrown · 01/09/2025 13:15

Dick hand. Don’t like it would find it hard not to think about when with him

DramaLlamacchiato · 01/09/2025 13:15

Grim 🤮

Cutleryclaire · 01/09/2025 13:17

Is this poos and wees? Wees I wouldn’t care, but….

Poodlelove · 01/09/2025 13:23

Horrible.
What else is he not doing that he should?

TomatoSandwiches · 01/09/2025 13:28

YABU to reward a filthy adult male with no decent standards of personal hygine and one who actually argues against your perfectly reasonable expectations with continued access to your body in a romantic relationship.

The more often we just ignore these vile habits and stay with them the more likely they will just continue to be dirty bastards.... there's no consequences at all, are there.

Greenwriter76 · 01/09/2025 13:29

SmugglersHaunt · 01/09/2025 09:45

I’d argue that a lot of men don’t in a home environment unless they’ve done a 💩. Grim, but there you have it

Agree

AllrightNowBaby · 01/09/2025 13:30

I can’t stand the thought of Penis Hands as I call them, so he would have to go if it was me…

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