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Original poster

The man I’m dating doesn’t wash his hands after using the toilet

161 replies

michaelsnores · 01/09/2025 08:55

The man I've been seeing for the past few months has started staying at my house more often lately. My house isn't big, and the bathroom is right next to my bedroom, so you can hear the tap running. He was over this weekend, and I noticed a few times that he didn't wash his hands after using the toilet. I brought it up to him, thinking he just didn't realise, but he insisted he didn't need to and that it's different for men. I told him, "You're still touching the toilet seat etc," and even showed him a screenshot from Google.

He was pretty firm about not needing to wash his hands, so I just said, "Please do it while you're at my house since you're touching me and my stuff afterwards," and he agreed to that. I know he won’t be doing it whilst he’s at home or out and about though.

I’m not sure if it’s dump worthy, but it is a little grim, yes? He genuinely doesn’t think he needs to.

OP posts:
Sera1989 · 01/09/2025 09:46

What does he mean it’s different for men? What does he think women do?? He touches his penis but we just touch toilet paper!

I think it’s not uncommon for men to not wash their hands especially in a non-domestic toilet. However that doesn’t mean it’s ok and I wouldn’t like his reply (excusing it and also seeming to not know how women go to the toilet 🧐). Would you be happy for him to cook you a meal with his dirty fingers? Sounds like he wouldn’t care much about cross contamination

JHound · 01/09/2025 09:48

Poor hygiene is a dealbreaker for me.

JHound · 01/09/2025 09:50

MaggieBsBoat · 01/09/2025 09:04

I was once in the bath and my ex came in sat in the toilet (didn’t ask, just waltzed in), did a poo, pulled pants up and walked out.

I didn’t have sex within again. We split up a few months later. Gross.

He did not even wipe his arse?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/09/2025 09:50

Doe a he flush the toilet? Does he not understand that people flush the toilet after doing a poo so there will be germs on the flush? How is that 'different for a man'?

JHound · 01/09/2025 09:51

PollyBell · 01/09/2025 09:08

My first instinct is to thinl gross bit considering what goes where when people have sex and dont wash inside and out of theit entire body, and having a shower beforehand is not going to clean everything, not sure what is the difference

Fair point.

TheStroppyFeminist · 01/09/2025 09:51

Chemenger · 01/09/2025 09:00

Most men don’t. I worked in the engineering department at a university. We had a ratio of at least 10 men to women in the staff, a bit better for students. The cleaner once told me he topped up the soap in the women’s toilet at least twice as often as the men’s.

Yep, my daughter's school said the same: they had to change the soap in the girls loos often, in the boys? Rarely.

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Maddy70 · 01/09/2025 09:52

Honestly thats a deal breaker for me utterly repellant

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/09/2025 09:53

MaggieBsBoat · 01/09/2025 09:04

I was once in the bath and my ex came in sat in the toilet (didn’t ask, just waltzed in), did a poo, pulled pants up and walked out.

I didn’t have sex within again. We split up a few months later. Gross.

Disgusting.
I'd be horrified.
Doors closed in this house.

NellieJean · 01/09/2025 09:54

I read somewhere that analysis of those bowls of nuts you used to see on top of bars showed about twenty different sources of urine. I thought it was an urban myth but maybe not.

16plusDC · 01/09/2025 09:55

Deal breaker that early on.

shellyleppard · 01/09/2025 09:55

@Chemenger but engineering is a mucky job.... surely???

ChocolateCinderToffee · 01/09/2025 09:56

This is why I always wash my hands when I get home, even if I’ve only nipped to the corner shop.

Sharealike · 01/09/2025 09:56

45% of people don’t wash their hands in a hospital toilet either (univ of Surrey survey.) Can you imagine the germs you could catch in a hospital setting?

TorroFerney · 01/09/2025 09:57

Rightandwrong · 01/09/2025 09:20

I wasn't taught to wash my hands after using the toilet. When I was about five I was hospitalised with a bad case of dysentery. When I was discharged our next door neighbour expressed her surprise because she assumed I was a "nice" girl who always washed her hands. I felt totally ashamed.
Since then I've always been meticulous about washing my hands, and all the other aspects of hygiene my "nice" parents neglected to teach me about.

There must be so many people not taught about hygiene and good practice when they are growing up. But OP I think the worrying thing is that when you have spoken to him about the necessity to wash his hands he doesnt even as a adult understand why it's important.

I wouldn't want him to touch me knowing his poor hygiene and I wouldn't want to visit his home, eat a meal with him, or touch anything he'd touched. So the relationship would be over.

I can’t remember being told as a child to wash my hands after going to the loo. I always had to wash them if I was playing out and came in for tea though. I wasn’t dirty or uncared for it just wasn’t a thing.

My parents were dragged up though. However you soon learn to do it at a school or wherever . My dad though never ever did it.

SirBasil · 01/09/2025 09:57

it is dump worthy.

MaggieBsBoat · 01/09/2025 09:59

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/09/2025 09:53

Disgusting.
I'd be horrified.
Doors closed in this house.

Show quote history

Oh the door was closed. Sadly no lock in that house. But who the hell does that anyway???

Absentmindedsmile · 01/09/2025 09:59

Chemenger · 01/09/2025 09:00

Most men don’t. I worked in the engineering department at a university. We had a ratio of at least 10 men to women in the staff, a bit better for students. The cleaner once told me he topped up the soap in the women’s toilet at least twice as often as the men’s.

The surprising thing there is that he needed to top up the Men’s soap dispensers at all 🤮 .

MySweetMaggie · 01/09/2025 10:00

That would give me the ick

TorroFerney · 01/09/2025 10:00

TheSandgroper · 01/09/2025 09:38

About 20 years ago, I lived in the UK and a survey was done and published in the newspapers.

A lot of male doctors (gp’s that is), after putting their hands on a patient for whatever reason, needed the presence of a female nurse in the room to wash their hands. Otherwise, they didn’t unless they had actually got a bit mucky.

That’s not changed then since years ago when patients treated by male doctors had a higher rate of death through infection than women in childbirth , only difference being that midwives washed their hands. The doctors liked the look of being covered in guts and gore from their last patient apparently, more manly. Perhaps the same is true if urine, but like make animals marking their spot!

MaggieBsBoat · 01/09/2025 10:02

JHound · 01/09/2025 09:50

He did not even wipe his arse?

Show quote history

I had to think about this as it was very swift. I think he did a perfunctory wipe with a couple of squares. Seriously just enough to pay lip service to wiping. The skid marks then made a lot of sense. Urgh. He was a Mormon and had constantly dirty temple garments.

Maybe if he didn’t wipe at all, not washing would’ve made more sense. I actually feel a bit nauseous right now.

jannier · 01/09/2025 10:03

GreenFlag · 01/09/2025 09:39

I think most do

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When we were allowed into pubs after COVID and doors had to be open you could see the hand basin area of one pub....the basin was used once or twice despite a steady flow of men.

xILikeJamx · 01/09/2025 10:04

I voted YABU because you said you're not sure it's dump worthy.

Does he touch your face when you kiss each other? Pissy fingers all over your face 😷

JHound · 01/09/2025 10:09

MaggieBsBoat · 01/09/2025 10:02

I had to think about this as it was very swift. I think he did a perfunctory wipe with a couple of squares. Seriously just enough to pay lip service to wiping. The skid marks then made a lot of sense. Urgh. He was a Mormon and had constantly dirty temple garments.

Maybe if he didn’t wipe at all, not washing would’ve made more sense. I actually feel a bit nauseous right now.

Show quote history

Oh goodness 😷🤢

MoominMai · 01/09/2025 10:12

How did you instantly not get the ick?! It’s only dumpworthy if this is his default position which from the sounds of it, it is.

Dumpity dump. Next!

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 01/09/2025 10:15

MaggieBsBoat · 01/09/2025 10:02

I had to think about this as it was very swift. I think he did a perfunctory wipe with a couple of squares. Seriously just enough to pay lip service to wiping. The skid marks then made a lot of sense. Urgh. He was a Mormon and had constantly dirty temple garments.

Maybe if he didn’t wipe at all, not washing would’ve made more sense. I actually feel a bit nauseous right now.

Show quote history

I've just Googled "temple garments".
The mind boggles.