Upset that Dad wants to invite unpleasant family to my wedding

[TheBlueRobin]

My dad has kindly offered to contribute financially to our wedding. Mum died three years ago and I'm an only child, so me and Dad are close. We've accepted some of the money he has offered, that basically covers the venue and we pay for everything else. We’re deeply grateful. Our wedding is about 60 people, including around 15 family. Mainly parents, siblings and a few aunts and uncles. I have lots of cousins but won't be inviting them.

Since my mum passed away, I want to invite her siblings; they’re meaningful to me and feel like a connection to her. However, my dad doesn’t get along with them. I also don’t want to invite his side of the family (apart from his sister), as I don’t have a relationship with them and some treated my mum poorly. They also make back handed comments and my Dad never really has anything positive to say about them.

Dad now says that if my mum’s side is invited, he wants his side there too, to avoid family fallout. He’s offered to pay for extra guests so we don’t have to cut friends from the list. I’m torn. Do I accept this compromise for the sake of one day and my dad’s peace of mind? Do I decline the money and risk straining our relationship (also straining our finances)? Or do we elope, even though we genuinely want to celebrate with loved ones and friends?

The wedding is next year and we're at the point of putting deposits down on things as well. We're saving really hard, around £1k a month between us.

YABU - I can see where your Dad is coming from, invite the relatives.
YANBU - Stand your ground, don't invite them

It's your wedding not your dad's and he can't use the fact he is contributing financially to hold power over the guest list.People seem to have this silly idea that if someone has a certain title they should automatically be invited to a wedding.
We had a small sit down meal with 50 guests.My dad tried to say he would pay for my uncle but he hadn't been a key consistent person in my life so I said No.It wasn't about money it was about who we wanted sharing the day.

Wow. Maybe if it were a vast family dinner at Christmas. But if OP prefers not to have this little group join in her wedding day, it’s surely her call.
Their presence would be there all day in the corner of her eye, bringing her down with unhappy associations.
If her father fully intended to offer financial assistance complete with strings such as this, he’s already in a dubious position, and OP oughtn't to feel the least compunction in putting her foot down and saying ‘No’. Bad move, Dad.
And any personal gripes he has with her other guests are not OP’s business at all, but he’d better not act out any nonsense on the day!

God, the stuff that gets posted here about people other than the happy couple laying down the law about how the wedding shall come to pass, shaped according to their irrelevant preferences, makes my blood boil.
Where do they get off.

Bridge-building sessions between estranged family members shouldn’t be planed for a flipping wedding day. There’s a time and place, after all.
What if some permanently peeved uncle kicks off at your dad, and in an instant tables are trashed and someone gets a biff on the hooter? Fabulously trashy, and everything you don’t want.

He needs another reason to bond with his brother and siblings. Does your dad have a big birthday coming up? Can he host his own party? Or offer to host them at Xmas? See how that goes before inviting them to the wedding

I disagree.
When OPs father got married, he was in a position to invite who he wanted.
It's OPs wedding and the same applies. If people have been rude and disrespectful why would she want them present on a day of celebration?
Not all uncles and aunts are pleasant, ditto cousins.
Nobody is owed an invitation.

If OPs father's contribution is now conditional then it should be returned and OP and her future spouse work things out according to their revised budget.