To go no contact with racist MIL

[MoMuM7]

I'm not white English. Legally moved to the UK for uni, stayed for a job then met DC and started family. Got on reasonably well with inlaws although we have little in common. FIL, a lovely man, passed away last year and MIL seems to have changed overnight. Watches GB news religiously, votes Reform and attend questionable rallies. I was surprised but her life, her opinions. Since January she's been forwarding me emails anti immigrant from very right wing influencers. Again, i was taken aback but, she's entitled to her opinions. DH was getting concerned because half of what she sends is AI generated or obviously fake news so he had a word.

She explained that her views are about the wrong kind of immigrant and not me... She sends the emails still but since she lives across the country and we see her 2/3 times a year I ignored.

She's been visiting this week and today she came to the park with me and DC. She saw a Muslim woman with a headwrap walking past and loudly said : "Your lot are not the peace kind, are you? Have you been watching the news? Your days in this country are numbered."

That woman is my local GP, born and bred in the UK.

The DC heard everything. I was so stunned i grab the DC and practically ran home. When I told DC he was shocked but says she's harmless, just another boomer radicalised by the internet. I dont agree. I still dont know how to explain what she said to my small DC.

Thank you for such a personal response. I'm so sorry you've experienced such horrendous treatment. No one deserves to live in fear.

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She has been radicalised. Honestly you should contact prevent

I would genuinely go NC with this person, tell her not to email you again (also block her email to spare your mental health) and leave your DH to deal with her.

Let your DH explain to your DC in an age appropriate way that their grandmother does not like people who look like their mother, for no other reason than they are not white. Let your DH square that circle.

No no one even thought to report any of these. Was just sort of expected and many people I know experienced similar. Nowadays I would 100% but of course in the moment if you’re frightened or have no idea how it will escalate then you freeze and want to just remove yourself from the situation.

I am also not white English. And I do have elderly relatives - direct and extended family - and have seen what happens as they age.

You seem to be going out of your way to report your MIL to police. Why?
You see her 2-3 times a year. And - sure, she said something awful - but are you really going to be "cancelling" her over this?

How old is your DC? Did they even understand what grandma said? If so - than it's a great teaching opportunity to talk to DC about people and their opinions. And how some are "freedom of speech" and others are harmful.
Worst thing you can do is to completely shield your kids from any controversy, and any different opinions. This is the way to raise kids that will not be prepared to encounter real world - where things like this exist.

This is crap advice, you have given

Why report her? Because she is a racist bitch who has actually committed a crime. Her victim was no less hurt than she would have been if she was 30 years younger.

Don't teach your children to tolerate or accept this. They will grow up with self loathing.

Protect them at cut her out. Your husband can see her, alone, and then explain to them why he still wants to

That's terrible.. I have seen this with my own family. I think it's social media brainwashing people. I've read that the russians setup this type of thing on social media to cause civil unrest

I am so sorry this has happened to you. What the f*ck is actually happening to so many people in this country.

Where did she say she plans to report her to the police.

It’s also perfectly possible to teach kids that racism exists without making them spend time with racist family members.

This thread made me feel really sad. The current dynamics across the country is awful in a lot of places and there are rising tensions fuelled by misinformation. We went to a major sporting event today as a mixed group and one of the members of our party ordinarily wears a headscarf. She chose not to wear it today due to fear of repercussions. A lot of the rhetoric around muslim women is about being ‘forced to cover up’ but I found it sad that this lady felt the opposite today and as though she was forced to uncover as she didn’t feel safe dressing in a way that outwardly identified her as muslim.

I am sorry this happened OP. Yesterday I saw a middle-aged white man harassing an East Asian family. He kept saying, ‘you’re not local’ and being abusive. The little kids looked so confused. This is increasingly the world we live in.

Yes, yes you are racist.

Block her email. You shouldn’t have to receive stuff like that. Make sure your DC know her words are not acceptable.

Can I say as “just another Boomer” that not all of us Boomers are white!

What OP's MIL has done is illegal and OP's GP could report her. Harassing someone in public is considered a hate crime as it is motivated by hostility or prejudice based on a protected charactistic, i.e. race. Under the Crime and Disorder Act 1998, racially or religiously aggravated offences like harassment and threatening behaviour are specific offences with a higher sentence than the basic crime.

I hope OP's GP does report her to the police.

Yes this is very frustrating from DH. She is not harmless. She harmed this poor GP who was just out walking.
You need to tell dH that he needs to tell her to stop saying things like that out loud, that whatever she thinks about free speech or Nigel Farage or whatever, that your family find it unacceptable to racially abuse people in the street. And if she pulls another stunt like that again, she will not be seeing her grandchildren. He needs to go hard on this so she knows it's serious.

I am so sorry that you and your family have to deal with such horrible and frightening abuse from knuckle-dragging racists and islamophobes.

I hope that OP's MIL is arrested for a racially and religiously aggravated hate crime.

@MoMuM7 I think she is alone too much now so fills her time with tv and internet and yes the brainwashing has happened.
Gob smacked at what she did to your gp!

Id tell her she gets some counseling and changes her ways or she won’t be around the grandkids again.

The counseling to see if she is still dealing with grief and to talk about boundaries and respect . You can’t change someone’s views but you can change wether you want to have your on kids around them.
She may realise when she actually has someone to talk to that she is behaving out of character .

The utterly vile MIL has also committed a crime under the Communications Act by emailing the OP links and articles expressly designed to upset, threaten, and intimidate.

Thank you for this. I get so fed up with the boomer bashing.

This.

She has moved from having a view to abusing people to their face.

Bloody hell, what is the world coming to? You mean there were actually non-white people before the mid-60's? I can't believe that was ever allowed.

May I ask, as a white, British person, what can I, and others like me do to make you very aware that it isn't all of us that harbor ill feeling toward you, and people who look like you?
My town is really quite multicultural and luckily haven't seen any flags or anything, but I did travel to a town 40 minutes away that I used to live in, at the weekend, and there were lots of flags, and even on business fronts. It made me sad, and it's quite scary to see.

I just would like to be part of something that makes people feel supported.

She is a vulnerable person - elderly, widowed and being influenced inappropriately by the internet. How old are your children?

The FIL of one of my DDs was racist, and my GC heard some of this. My DD and her husband talked with the chidlren about it, and they have talked to me. The children, now teenagers, talk about racism very openly and are clear that they abhor it.

No-one went no contact with this man; they just made sure that there were open discussions with the children about it.

I would go no contact, she sounds vile. So her coming in your house, no unsupervised contact with your children etc

Your husband needs to wake up and grow a backbone. He's condoning this behaviour to his non-white wife and mixed race children!!